So much has happened today that I don’t even know where to begin.
First of all, my husband is so very sick. I know that seems like a strange thing to say, like I have been living under a rock all this time in complete denial or something. It’s not that, it’s just that he compensates so well. And then when he’s in a place where he doesn’t have to compensate anymore, where he can completely surrender, his sick heart shows its face.
This is how the day unfolded:
Some of our very sweet and generous friends in our small group at church gave me two nights in a hotel room with their frequent traveler points. This was the first time I has slept away from John when he has been in the hospital. Back in May I stayed with him in his room, but this time, with him going into the ICU, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to. Plus he needed a lot of rest, and it’s easier for him to get it when he doesn’t have to worry about me.
So I walked into his room this morning having not been with him all night, and the first thing I see is a breathing tube in his nose. I immediately started crying. I have never seen him with a breathing tube before. He was still half asleep, and as he opened his heavy eyes he looked so helpless, so sweet. I was told that his oxygen was low in the middle of the night, so they came in at about two o’clock and put in the breathing tube.
The plan was for John to have his right heart catheterization first thing this morning so that he could get his balloon pump put in and move into the ICU tonight. However, his blood was still too thin to do it. So they told us we would need to try again tomorrow.
But as the day went on John’s sick heart showed its face more and more. His IV medications were barely working to get the fluid off of his body, he was breathing very heavily even at rest, and his skin was a pale yellow color.
Even though the doctors ideally needed John’s blood to get thicker, they decided to go ahead and do the heart catheterization and balloon pump procedures so that John could move to the ICU. They gave him some vitamin K to help his blood, and by late afternoon he was in the surgery room having these procedures.
I was sitting in the waiting room at around 5:45 when two doctors came to talk to me separately. They both said, “Your husband is very sick. His heart cath. shows that he is sicker than he was in May when he was here.”
About fifteen minutes later they rolled John down the hall to take him to his room in ICU. I was able to say hello to him and tell him how much I love him and how proud I am of him before they took him off, but I had to wait for them to set him up in his new room before I could go back and see him. The visitation rules for the ICU are so much different than for a regular room.
When I saw John he already looked a little better. His color was better, and he said he could feel a difference in his breathing and blood flow. He was very tired (they had given him some medication to relax him during the procedures), but doing really well. When I told him how brave he is he said to me, “Oh, that was nothing.”
Tomorrow we begin again. Hopefully John’s sick heart won’t show its mean face as much and soon enough his new heart will take over.
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