To say that I experienced my share of heartbreak is an understatement. I’ve known my husband for six years now, and the memories of relationships before him still haunt me. Some of my biggest regrets revolve around how I handled myself during and after a those break-ups. I used to describe is as a physical pain in my chest that just throbbed. For me, heartbreak was more than emotional.
The bottom line: I didn’t handle heartbreak God’s way. Instead of allowing God to heal me, I tried to heal myself which typically meant responding out of me feelings of rejection, worthlessness, and fear. I was the girl who called, over and over again I called, cried, begged for answers, and gave away my dignity. I wanted revenge, and I went great lengths to try to get it.
“There are times when doing nothing demands much greater strength than taking action. Maintaining composure is often the best evidence of power.” Loves Me Not, p. 20
Renee Fisher, author of several books including her newly released eBook Loves Me Not: Heartbreak and Healing God’s Way, saw a need that single people have to address heartbreak in a more God-focused way. Using her own heartbreak, Renee shares with us truth that leads us to Jesus instead of regret.
Renee starts off in section one by giving us a basis from which Christian friendship should be built. I have always been of the “girls and guys can’t be friends” opinion. This is primarily because being friends with guys didn’t work for me, and it didn’t work for people around me. Either I was interested enough to date the guy, or the guy was interested enough to date me. There was no happy friendship zone.
But Renee gave me something to think about. She writes,
“With today’s hook-up-or-go-home culture, friendship with the opposite sex seems nearly impossible—especially before dating. What better way to discern if a relationship will be a good fit if you know what good of a friend he or she is?” (Loves Me Not, p. 11 and 14)
I never thought about being friends with the opposite sex as a way to discern a future relationship. In this section, Renee breaks down what Christian friendship should look like. And don’t you want to be friends, best friends, with your one-day spouse?
Later in this section she discusses the anatomy of a whole heart – a heart fully for Jesus instead of idols we create.
“Our plans had all melted into something that resembled an idol. We worshiped our relationship because we were more scared of the breakup—and being single.” Loves Me Not, p. 26
What is very useful in this chapter is a list of Bible verses to help when we experience a broken heart.
In section two, Renee gets into the practical side of breakups. She uses her own and other people’s stories to show that all of us struggle with handling breakups. Renee talks about the questions we ask such as, “Is it okay to breakup with someone in a text?” and the lame excuses that drive us crazy like “God just told me to do it.”
When I was going through a breakup I knew I had all of these emotions and feelings, but I didn’t know what to do with them. Talking about them over and over with my girlfriends didn’t seem to be the answer either. Renee explains how when we’re experiencing breakup we must run to God – not away from Him, be willing to forgive, and live in a place of gratitude.
“If you remember nothing else from this book, remember that you’re worth pursuing.” (Loves Me Not, p. 35)
In the last part of the book, Renee shares how to move past a breakup and allow it to work for you instead of against you. This includes knowing who God made you to be.
“No relationship can compare to the God-sized-shaped hole in her heart.” (Loves Me Not, p. 60)
Renee reminds us that “breakups sting because our hearts were never meant to experience heartbreak.” (Loves Me Not, p. 64) Breakups are a result of a fallen world. However, despite that, God graciously gives us wisdom to protect us from long-lasting effects of breakups.
Loves Me Not is a book that not only I wish I had when I was single, but it’s a book that I wish every single person would read. Whether or not you are healing from a heartbreak or you need a healthy perspective on relationships, Christian friendship, and where God is in the midst of all of it, you will gleam much wisdom from Renee’s experience and words.
You can get your copy here, on Amazon.
Renee Fisher, the Devotional Diva®, is the spirited speaker and author of Faithbook of Jesus, Not Another Dating Book,Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me, and Loves Me Not. A graduate of Biola University, Renee’s mission in life is to “spur others forward” (Hebrews 10:24) using the lessons learned from her own trials to encourage others in their walk with God. She and her husband, Marc, live in California with their dog, Star. Learn more about Renee at www.devotionaldiva.com.