This is part 2 of the post “5 Things I’ve Learned from 5 Years of Marriage”. Please read the first two things I’ve learned in the first post!

I am more broken than I ever knew.

Before I got married countless people told me, “Whatever you struggle with single, you’ll struggle with exponentially in marriage.” Of course I didn’t believe them. I just saw white picket fences and babies.

When you enter into marriage and begin living with someone who you’ve become one with, and there is someone always there ready to regurgitate yourself to you. For the first time you see yourself for who you truly are, and it’s frightening. Low-and-behold I’m not just a little insecure, a small bit of a people-pleaser, or slightly opinionated.

I have found I have two choices – fight it or fall into it. If I fight it, oh help! More ugly comes out, and then it’s fight or flight. And, yes, there have been times when I’ve wanted to flight! If I fall into it, then I humbly claim who I am, confess it, and move away screaming for God to help me! This has helped me become the person I’m supposed to be.

My influence is unmatched.

With a simple utterance of my voice or move of my eyebrows I can create any mood I want. I can bring peace or I can bring turmoil. I can get thins stirred up or I can simmer them down.

It’s the gift God’s given to women.

Over the past five years I’ve silently prayed for this or that or the other change in my husband or in our marriage. Then I’ve seen glimpses of that change. He’s watching me. He’s observing if I am who I say I am. Do I blog about lofty things and then not live them? Do I serve in the church and then not serve at home? Do I talk kindly to everyone around me and then crappy to him? He’s watching. I’m influencing.

But don’t be mistaken. The influence only comes when my knees hit the ground in prayer every. single. day. Again, without Jesus I’ve got nothing.

My silence is stronger than my voice.

I’m not talking about the silent treatment. Luckily for me (I guess) I’ve never been a silent-treatment-type-of-girl. I’m more of the let’s-fight-it-out-even-if-it-takes-all-night type. So there’s not much silent treatment in our house.

I’m talking about the tendency I have as a woman to go on and on and on and on. Kind of like I do in my writing a lot of times! When we don’t agree about a decision, or I feel passionately about something that he doesn’t (which is often – remember I’m the typical INFJ), if I can control my tongue, state my case, and move on, I get more out of him. He opens up more, discusses it more, and will even spend more time processing it with me over several days.

What could you add? What have you learned from marriage?