It’s day 21 of the series 31 Days of Lessons Learned from My 20’s. If you want to read all the posts in this series, you can find every post listed here. If you want to have all the posts delivered to your email inbox, subscribe here.

I want you to do a little activity with me. Find a piece of red or pink paper. It doesn’t matter this size, really, just a piece of red or pink paper.

Then, I want you to fold it in half and cut half of a heart shape along the creased side. Next, open up the paper and see the heart you made.

This is your heart.

Now I want you to think back to your very first date. Even if your mom or dad drove you, think back to that person.

Mine was when I was 14 years old. I didn’t consider it a date at the time, and neither did my parents,  because his mom drove us. We went to a Valentine’s Day dance at his school. His mom was also a chaperone because she taught at the school. However, that boy kissed me at that dance. It was my first kiss. So, yes, I now consider it a date.

Okay, tear off a piece of your paper heart. Make the size of the piece you tear off correspond to the significance of that relationship or experience in your life. For instance, if that past experience had little effect on your life, then make the piece of paper small. If the experience had a significant effect on your life, then make the piece larger. Next write that boy’s name on the torn piece of paper. Then think of the next boy and the next and every boy up until today. Do the same thing for each boy – tear off a piece of paper and write his name on it.

How much of your heart is left?

When I did this, some of my pieces were small – like a guy I went on one date with and never saw again. And then some were huge like the guy who I dated for four years. What’s important, though, is how much of my heart is left.

This gives us a visual of what happens when we date. It took me all of my 20’s to understand this principle.

I know what it sounds like. It sounds completely ridiculous and a little over-the-top – the idea that every dating experience affects you.

But isn’t it true? Think about it. 

The world tells us that our 20’s are the years to live-it-up, have fun, find out what you like, explore. The only problem with that is this:

Which of those guys you “explored with” no longer invade your thoughts from time-to-time? Which ones are you not tempted to just see what they’re up to on Facebook? Which ones do you not still have ill feelings towards? Which ones will you not carry with you into marriage?

Possibly only the ones you weeded out quickly after one date. But the ones you let hang around for months or years? It’s highly unlikely they’re not still carrying a piece of your heart – a piece you won’t get back.

So does that mean you shouldn’t date?

No, what it means is that you should date with one purpose in mind – the purpose of marriage. Of course, this is completely counter-cultural, but it’s the only way to have a whole heart (or as whole as possible) going into marriage.

The purpose of dating should not be to cure loneliness or discover your type or just to have fun or because “everyone else is doing it.” The purpose of dating is to ask the question, “God, is this who you have chosen for me to join in order to serve you more abundantly?”

If I had followed this one principle in my 20’s, I would have honored God so much more, and I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.

How much of your heart is left?