My married friend and I met at church plus her daughter was in my first grade class. She wasn’t that much older than me; she was in her mid-thirties. I was in my late twenties.
We lived quite opposite lives. She lived in a beautiful house in a neighborhood with her husband, two little girls, and a few cats. I lived in a townhouse, with myself, and only myself. But for some reason she wanted to be my friend. It was quite unusual, really, because often there is an invisible wall between married women and single women. You can be friendly when you’re out and about, but to be real friends and actually go to each other’s houses and do things together is something different entirely.
About once a month her husband traveled, and she would invite me over to eat dinner with her and the girls. Then, they would go to bed and we would watch American Idol or The Bachelor or a movie – something mindless. And we would talk.
Eventually I moved away from the suburbs and to the city, and we didn’t keep in touch. Those were the days before Facebook. But I always remembered how she made me feel included in a world where a single woman was often times not.
I never told her how much her friendship meant to me. How I appreciated her not isolating me from conversations because they included her husband and children. How nice it felt to be in “real home” with a “real family.” And the way she didn’t view singleness as something to be fixed, but instead saw me as a woman, like her, just trying to become more like Jesus.
For some reason, married women and single women struggle with being friends. I understand some of the reasons. When you want a family so badly your heart feels like it might explode out of your chest, it’s hard to be around someone who has that and not be resentful and jealous. And then when you’re married, and your life is literally a living sacrifice for a man and some children in a way no one can understand unless they, too, are a wife and mom, it’s hard to not talk about them for even a little while and think of someone else’s needs.
But we must try.
Here are 11 Ways Married Women Can Serve Single Women:
1. Go with her to serious doctor’s appointments.
Once I had a biopsy, and I drove myself. It’s scary going alone.
2. Help her with jobs around her house, apartment, townhouse, or wherever.
Move furniture, paint, fix things, hang pictures, hang drapes. Do whatever it is that usually requires more than one set of hands.
3. Take care of her when she’s sick.
Bring her food or do her laundry. You know how it feels to be sick and even the thought of heating up a can of chicken-noodle-soup sounds painful.
4. Invite her over on Sunday afternoons.
Sundays are difficult for single women. It’s the unspoken “family day.”
5. Invite her to holiday gatherings and meals.
You know Easter Sunday when you’re sitting in church all dressed up with your husband anticipating the ham (or lamb) dinner you’ll later enjoy? Well, that single woman sitting behind you wants to celebrate too – (along with Christmas and Thanksgiving)!
And tell her how pretty she is.
Weekend trips with the girls might be few-and-far-between for you, but if you have the opportunity to go on one, invite your single friends, too.
7. Invite her for dinner on a weeknight.
She wants to be a part of your “real life.”
8. Don’t forget her birthday.
Make her feel loved on her birthday by calling her, sending her a card, taking her to dinner, and just plain making sure she’s not alone.
9. Do something fun she likes to do – just the two of you.
And try not to talk about the husband and kids, but focus on her.
10. Speak truth into her life.
Help her with big decisions she will make about college, careers, money, and relationships. Most importantly, use God’s Word to point her to Jesus.
11. Pray for her and with her.
Pray for her relationship with Jesus, her temptations, her future husband, for God to bind the enemy from her thoughts so she doesn’t hear lies, and for God to give her wisdom.
What would you add to this list?
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