It’s day ten of 31 Days of Interviews with Single Women. You can find a list of all the interviews in this post.
I’m so happy to introduce you to Lillian! Lillian says:
Start and end your day with the Lord, filling up your gaps of time with Him. Watch the loneliness disappear and Him fill your life.
Lillian is 47 years old and lives in upstate New York. She founded two ministries to help women and young women who are in oppressive situations. Her ministries are called Women of Valor and Young Women of Valor. Let’s read more of Lillian story below!
Brenda: First, tell us a little about yourself – your name, age, where you live, and where you grew up.
Lillian: My name is Lillian Morin. I am 47 years old living in upstate New York. I grew up in a city called Troy on the South end in Upstate NY.
Brenda: Where do you work, and how did you get started in your job?
Lillian: I work for a major insurance corporation as an enrollment specialist. I got started in my job due to links of people (of course that the Lord set up) who knew each other, and I was able to get the job in April 2001 after being unemployed for over 2 years.
Brenda: Do you feel like your job is God’s calling on your life or do you hope it leads to something else one day?
Lillian: Yes. I believe He has me at this job for a reason. I am able to work from home which is a tremendous blessing as I do not drive. I have coworkers that I find myself in more than a coworker type relationship where I am able to share my faith—whether in action or word. Even working from home I still interact with my coworkers daily.
Brenda: When you envisioned your life as a young girl, did you hope to have a career when you grew up or was your desire more for marriage and children or did you want both for your life?
Lillian: I wanted a handsome husband, big house, and lots of kids.
Brenda: What fires you up? What are you most passionate about in your life and in the world?
Lillian: Injustice. Following the crowd. “To each his/her own as long as they agree with me and/or the going trend”.
Brenda: Are you involved in serving in your community or church? What, if any, ministries or organizations are you a part of?
Lillian: In February 2013 I was set in as a Deacon (exciting awe).
In 2009 I began a ministry called Women of Valor. I work with women who were or currently are in domestic violence situations, have been sexually assaulted, raped, or trafficked. I have groups and individual meetings with some ladies. I do Bible studies, peer counseling, and advocacy.
In 2010, I began a ministry called Young Women of Valor. I work with girls ages 5-17 years of age. They are split into age groups (right now we have 4 classes). Most of them are at risk girls in at risk communities where there is a lot of lost hope, gangs, violence, murder, rape, and lots of secrets. We teach them about Jesus, we do Bible studies, we feed them dinner, we listen, we do arts and crafts, we tell them about options and choices, and we love on them – lots and lots of love. We also try to supply needs they may have such as shoes, coats, food, and clothing. At the beginning of the school year we try to bless them with school supplies and book bags. So far we are four years strong in doing so. At Christmas we like to fill up stockings or bags with little goodies girls like to get. For Easter we do the same. We fill up a little bag of goodies. The focus is the Lord in all these celebrations. Our biggest annual celebration is our ministry birthday party – lots of games, activities, fun and food.
Coming soon: I am working on putting together a DV education curriculum to be used to help educate anyone who wants to learn about domestic violence; sexual assault, rape and trafficking.
Brenda: Tell us one thing you LOVE about being single and one thing you hate (or your biggest struggle) about being single.
Lillian: Every relationship I’ve had has been the same guy with a different name. I hope that made sense for you. The one thing I love about being single is because I have no experience in a “different” guy—there is no guessing, wondering, fearing.
I see married couples holding hands, leaning on each other. Being there for each other through thick and thin. They have each other to handle the load. That sometimes strikes a chord in my chest. “Oh I want someone to reach out and hold my hand. I want someone to lean on. I want someone to help carry this load.” Then in the long run I know Jesus has me and that if the “rib” I have belongs to a wonderful Adam out there, He will send him.
Brenda: I imagine there are times when you feel content in your singleness and other times when you want to throw something across the room because of it, but overall, how do you feel about being a single woman? Is there more contentment and peace or more of the opposite?
Lillian: I have never had a healthy relationship. I have come to terms with that. I am very content in my singleness and God has provided everything for me. In all my relationships I was the aggressor, anyone who knows me well enough is not surprised at this. When I gave my life to the Lord I realized I wanted to be pursued. I have never been pursued. Well, in a good way anyway.
Brenda: Do you ever get mad at God because you are single? When bitterness, discontentment, confusion, and even jealousy creep into your mind, how to you deal with it? Do you have a go-to person or scripture verse or something else that helps?
Lillian: I have never been mad at God because I am single – maybe upset that sometimes I feel the load is hard to carry – but never looking to Him made because there is no man in my life.
Brenda: How do you deal with loneliness?
Lillian: Now, there is something that is hard to answer. I believed the lie for a long time that “loneliness and being single go hand in hand. This is an outright, bold-faced, straight from the pits of Hell lie. I believed I was lonely because I was single. That in order to fill the loneliness in my life I needed a man. When I start feeling lonely the first thing I do is go to the Lord and let Him know how I am feeling. After time with Him, I will find something for myself and my teenage daughter to do – pick out a book, call a friend, write! You will start to notice the Lord will also start putting people and things to do in those gaps where you feel lonely. You will start to realize you have a life full of meaning and purpose – defined by the Lord – not by a man.
Brenda: Do you struggle with obsessing about guys and dating? Like, if you’re interested in a guy or if you just start dating someone new, do you think about him constantly, analyze every conversation, and get overly attached quickly? Is so (or if not) how do you deal with your emotions?
Lillian: I used to. As I said before I was the aggressor. I would spend every waking moment needing him. Really. “Needing” is a bad word when it comes to something like this. I would analyze every word and every action and get attached quickly. Now? Nothing like that. Even if I find a man I think I may want to know I remind myself that I want to be the pursued not the pursuer. That the one the Lord has for me will notice me. Emotions are powerful and scary. If we are led by them we can find ourselves in dangerous, scary, unhealthy situations and places. We, as His, cannot be ruled by emotions but by Him. It was a very hard lesson learned for me to not want to follow my emotions – “but I like him”. And of course it would be revealed “he’s not for you”. It took many, many heartaches and heart breaks before I accepted the Lord, and a couple of after, not many, but a couple. Now if I find myself where I am not thinking healthy thoughts or if I’m wanting to follow my emotions, I go to the Throne Room. I have a place with my name on it there. I am well-known there. I have to go there. I know me. If I allow emotions to take over I know I am out of His will and that is something I never desire.
Brenda: What is your biggest pet peeve about the way single women are perceived?
Lillian: That we are looking for a man. That we want their man.
Brenda: Do you struggle with finding community in your local church? How do you find community in a world that seems coupled up?
Lillian: Although there are many single women and single moms in our church, we do not have any type of single ladies ministry or events. Most of my best friends that I have in the Body of Christ are married. I do find time with them. I have a few single ladies who I spend time with – dinner, movies, Bible study, shopping.
Brenda: Are more of your girlfriends married or single? How do you find authentic friendships as a single woman?
Lillian: More of my girlfriends are married.
I do have a few good relationships with single women. Most of the single women I know are either much younger or much older and are looking for a mate.
I do not know if it’s the authenticity in most of the single Christian women I meet that seems to stand out to me, but more of the single Christian women I know are young and are looking for a mate.
I get asked the question, “How do you do it all by yourself?” a lot! But I remind them that I am not alone. I have the Lord. Sometimes that’s not what they want to hear, and they do want a man. I get asked, “Aren’t you lonely?” Of course I get lonely. But I am not lonely.
Brenda: Our perception of you is that you are living a fulfilled, purposeful life as a single woman. You’re not waiting around for marriage, but fulfilling God’s call on your life now. What would you say is your secret to doing this?
Lillian: Focus on God. Period. I could not do any of this without Jesus. Ever. As soon as my eyes open in the morning I thank Him for another day and ask Him to be Lord over my day. I read the Bible and devotions, pray, love on my daughter, work in my ministries, work at my job, be a Mom, friend, Deacon, whatever He would have me be that day. I don’t have a secret recipe. I just know where I would be without Him, so that is where I stay focused.
Brenda: What words of advice do you have for other single women who want to live with purpose now and not wait for marriage to start their lives?
First, if you do not know the Lord you are missing out. You need salvation. You need the Lord to get through this life.
Second, after accepting the Lord, get to know as much about Him as you possibly can. Be the aggressor. Seek Him out and be a sponge.
Third, Pray to the Lord on where He would have you. I started in a soup kitchen and food pantry (I still find myself there more often than not and I love it), and let Him use you. You will start noticing the true desires of your heart that He has given you, and He will show you what to do with it
Fourth, if you have been through something traumatic in life never forget the Lord does not waste a hurt. He can use that hurt in ministry. He used all the bad things that happened to me: domestic violence, rape, molestation, being looked over, pushed aside, etc., and He built my ministries.
Fifth, find GOOD friends. Friends that fill your life with love, joy, peace, honesty, respect, and who follow the Lord. Keep up with those friends with coffee dates, movie dates, and dinners. If you have kids and they have kids, do play dates, have devotions and Bible studies.
Sixth, start and end your day with the Lord, filling up your gaps of time with Him. Watch the loneliness disappear and Him fill your life.
Brenda: And some fun stuff!
Brenda: Which do you like best – Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or Pinterest (or all of it!)?
Lillian: Not a big Twitter fan, but I do love Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram.
Brenda: What’s your favorite drink?
Lillian: COFFEE
Brenda: Where would you want to live the rest of your life – beach or mountains?
Lillian: Mountains
Brenda: Do you read more fiction or nonfiction?
Lillian: Fiction
Brenda: Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Lillian: Introvert
Brenda: What’s something quirky about you?
Lillian: LOL, I am a couch dancer!
Brenda: What else do we need to know about you? Where can we connect with you online?
Lillian: My two ministries are Women of Valor and Young Women of Valor.
Leave a Reply