Dear Mom,

I remember Mother’s Day last year like I just sealed your card and dropped it in the mail this morning.  I did not get to see you on the actual day, so I enclosed a picture of your gift.  You went on and on about how much you loved it.

It is hard for me to accept that I am celebrating this Mother’s Day without you. 

I feel like an orphan.

Not a day goes by that scenes from my life with you do not penetrate my mind.  They are random and unpredictable.  They come at the most unexpecting times with no connection to my present activity or place.  They are my mental home movies that I have no control over.

Sometimes they leave me smiling.  Sometimes they leave me sad.  Sometimes they leave me shameful.

Since you have left this earth I have asked the question,“Is it possible to purely appreciate someone while they are still here?” 

I do not know the answer.  I know, though, that since the last time I saw you I have grown to appreciate you more than I ever did before. I hate that.

I want you back so that I can appreciate you more.

You taught me that in every life circumstance there is a lesson.  This is the lesson you have left me.  Most of the time I still do not get it right.  I do not know if I ever will until I am glorified with you in Heaven.

But for now I continue striving towards appreciating the people I love, holding on to each moment, and relishing in the time I have with them.

Thank you, Mom, for each of the home movies I still have of you, and for the lessons you have taught me. I wait with eager anticipation to spend an eternity of Mother’s Days with you in  Heaven.

I love you,
Brenda