About eight weeks ago I found out that by the end of this year I will be a mommy – for the first time. And in that moment it was like I stepped through a door of life that had always been sealed shut. All of a sudden every mommy blogger became my personal, bona fide expert and my most favorite person in the world. Finally I could add to the conversation about morning sickness and weight gain and breastfeeding. And I now knew the meaning of hCG, VBAC, and EWCM. Day after day I began to soak in everything I could about how to be the perfect mommy.
My mind began to paint a picture of this season called motherhood that if all of you mothers out there could peak inside and take a glimpse of you would most likely fall on the floor rolling with hysterical laughter. “Another neophyte”, you’d say, “setting out with all the expectations of perfection without an ounce of reality.”
The perfect prenatal care: no caffeine, walk four miles a day, never skip a vitamin, sugar fast, only one ultrasound at 20 weeks, no breach position, a water birth, along with the smoothest delivery in the history of deliveries (because that, of course, is why God blessed me with wide hips).
The perfect baby: latches on quickly, breastfeeding that never hurts, no colic or jaundice or anything else, the one who likes to sleep, and just naturally gets on a schedule – all by him or herself.
The perfect body: loses all that weight at birth – except for maybe five pounds, runs each day while the baby is sleeping (Because I won’t need sleep myself. Remember, my baby sleeps at night.), still never drinks caffeine or eats sugar while nursing, and fits back into my jeans by Christmas.
The perfect mothering: breastfeeds for one year, makes the baby food, uses cloth diapers, reads everyday to the baby for 30 minutes, never has the TV on when the baby is in the room, only uses toys with educational value, never lets that baby cry for longer than a minute, and never, ever gives him/her juice.
You can go ahead and laugh because that’s what I’ll be doing in about two years when the shock wears off that motherhood isn’t anything like I expected. I admit it – the picture in my mind is in a land far, far away that has never existed for any mother. But for me, I think, maybe, just maybe, I’ll be the one to make it all work perfectly.
So right now I am in a state of naivety with a hint of reality in the back of my mind because along with all their wonderful mothering tips and childrearing ideas, those mommy bloggers also all admit to two things – they’re not doing it all and they’re not perfect.
Each of them have found their passionate sweet spot in mothering that now they are sharing with all of us – disciplining with love, raising homemakers, raising warrior boys, serving children with joy, developing spiritual disciplines, teaching them at home, having a smooth pregnancy, caring for an infant, whole living, simple living. The list goes on.
What’s important to remember is that each of these women have a knack for their one passion. They’re good at it. They’re skilled at it. But that doesn’t mean they are good at carrying out the sweet spots of all the other mothers out there. And it most certainly does not mean they are doing everything that all the other mommies are doing. They are focused on their one, good thing, with maybe a few other ideas to develop and work on sprinkled in on the side.
I am very thankful for all the women who have gone before me and are now sharing their expertise online and in my real life friendships. But as I search around reading dozens of blogs each day, I pray that instead being led to a place of striving for perfection or a “doing it all” mentality, God leads me to find my sweet spot – my one thing that I am really good at in being a mommy. And then, through His grace, he develops my weaknesses for me to make me into more of the mother He wants me to be.
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