A few nights ago my husband and I were watching the evening, national news as we do most nights, and the age-old question of whether women truly can “have it all” came up once again in a feature story.
It is interesting to me how often this question continues to come up and how researchers continue to look for an answer.
In this particular news story the dilemma was the extend to which women are trying to have it all by taking prescription drugs to keep their bodies energetic and able to accomplish more tasks within in a day. And then of course how damaging the effects are to their bodies.
We will do anything to prove of self-worth, won’t we?
I am no different from these women who fall into the trap of trying to prove their self-worth by attempting to do it all.
Now as I embark on motherhood for the first time, I feel this tension even more than I ever have before.
I remember the best advice my mom ever gave me: “You can have it all, but you can’t have it all at the same time”. Sometimes, however, having it all at the same time seems nonnegotiable. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a choice. The demands around me make me have to have it all even if I don’t want it all.
Then I begin envying women who do have it all. They accomplish their daily responsibilities and still have time for the fun stuff. What about them?
The closer I really examine lives of women around me who seem to have it all, and whom I envy, I realize that in fact, they don’t have it all.
They had to pick and choose, and their all is different from my all.
If your “having it all” is:
- volunteering at your child’s school
- leading a small group at church
- baking homemade goodies
- working full-time
- working out every day
- spending time with God in Bible study and prayer every day
- having coffee dates with your girlfriends
- cooking homemade meals every night
- keeping your home organized and clean
- running a business
- homeschooling
- blogging
- coaching your child’s soccer team
- doing homework with your child each night
- spending quality time with your husband
then no, you cannot have it all.
But women can have it all if they determine what their “all” is truly supposed to be.
Maybe my all isn’t volunteering at school or cooking homemade meals. Maybe I’m not supposed to lead a Bible study right now or maybe I have to limit my coffee dates with girlfriends.
My all is going to look different from your all, and your all is going to look different from my all. And we have to be o.k. with that.
And we have to support the differences in each other’s all.
One way to accomplish this is to ask God to show us what He desires our individual all to be. What has He gifted us to do? What is He wanting us to accomplish? Then, we have to stay so focused on those tasks, knowing that they came from God, that we do not feel guilty or envious or exhausted because our all doesn’t look like the girl next door’s all.
We have to determine our own all.
What is your “all” at this season of your life? How do you not feel guilty or envious when your all isn’t your friends’ all?
This week I am linked up with:
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