Hi, my name is Liv and I’m single.
For the longest time that word grated on my nerves. It meant that something was inherently wrong with me, but I didn’t know exactly what that was. The years have passed and friends have gotten married with children, yet it feels like I’m still in the holding room waiting for something or someone to happen.
God had to break me out of the stronghold that my singleness was about me. It isn’t. Singleness and what I do with it is all about God.
Here are 3 lessons I’ve learned so far about what singleness is and what it isn’t:
1. Loneliness Is A Calling For God – If you’re a single reading this, I’m sure that loneliness has creeped in and felt like a suffocating weight on your chest. Blanket statements like, “I’ll always be single” or “I’ll never get married” may have crossed your mind one, or two, or a million times. When another month, another year, passes without the slight glimmer of possibility, loneliness can set in with a heaviness many of us have a hard time shouldering.
But that loneliness is really a calling for God. There is no man who can fill that need like He can. George MacDonald said it best,
“In every man there is a loneliness, an inner chamber of peculiar life into which God only can enter.”
So many times, we want to fill that inner chamber with romantic love or other things that we think we need. It becomes a black hole that only sinks us deeper into despair while idolizing that thing or person we lack in our lives. There is no guarantee that being in a relationship will take that ache away and I’ve heard that it doesn’t (completely, anyway). That hole is there for God alone and only He can satisfy us.
If you’ve been dealing with loneliness, see how far you’ve moved from the warmth of God’s presence. Invite Him back into the chambers of your heart and be filled once again.
2. Use Your Blessing To Bless Others – You may not believe singleness is a blessing right now but it is, I promise. There may come a time in your life when you’ll get married and have children and you will be a blessing in your home but at this moment, in this season of singleness, God is using you to be a blessing all those around you – in your family, your community, your church, and everywhere else your feet take you. Can you do this as a married person? Sure! But Paul makes it clear that once we’re married, our attentions immediately become divided:
There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world – how she may please her husband. And this I say to your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction. (1 Corinthians 7:34-35)
You can also use your singleness to hone those skills that you may think are lacking or take a huge leap of faith. Are you an introvert more comfortable at home than at big get-togethers? Invite one (or a few) young women from your church and start to practice hospitality. Has there been a desire to go on a missions trip? Pray and research ways to fundraise. You are free from distraction to do what God has purposed for you in this season of singleness. Use it wisely and see it for the blessing it can be!
3. Live to Glorify God. I’ve lived with the lie that my life does not have meaning or does not begin until I say “I do”. But what you may not hear often are the women who lived to glorify God through their life and in their singleness. I know what a scary thought life-time singleness can be when marriage has become so deeply ingrained in our hearts and minds. While the desire for marriage is God-given, living a surrendered life is far more beautiful to God then a married one. God is looking for women who have yielded every desire for His cause. I can’t help but think of women like:
Amy Carmichael – an Irish missionary to India who saved hundreds of girls from temple prostitution.
Gladys Alyward – an English missionary who went to China and led 100 orphans to safety when her area was invaded by the Japanese.
Mary Slessor – a Scottish missionary to Africa who saved twins from being abandoned and killed due to tribal fears of multiple births being a sign of evil.
Evangeline Booth – the 4th General of the Salvation Army in New York (and its 1st female General).
Corrie Ten Boom – a Dutch Christian, she helped many Jews escape the Holocaust only to become a prisoner. Her famous book, The Hiding Place, chronicles her time there.
These women of God encouragement because we see our Christian heritage full of women like these. I look forward to meeting them one day but until then, as Paul states, they are there among the “cloud of witnesses” who are cheering us on in our Christian walks. Their lives are a reminder to each of us who remain single today to serve Him with all our hearts.
Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33
How can you use this new year to focus on God and His kingdom instead of focusing on your singleness?
Liv Migenes is a 30-something single daughter serving a gracious God. When she’s not blogging to encourage women in their singleness and their walk with God, she’s reading or watching way too much Netflix (preferably The Office or Arrow). Her dream is to become a published writer in the near future. You can find her on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest or her blog –livmigenes.blogspot.com.
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