“I am guilty. Ashamed of what I’ve done, what I’ve become. These hands are dirty. I dare not lift them up to the Holy one. You plead my cause. You right my wrongs. You break my chains. You overcome. You gave Your life. To give me mine. You say that I am free – how can it be? How can it be?
I’ve been hiding. Afraid I’ve let you down, inside I doubt that You still love me, but in Your eyes there’s only grace now.”
The lyrics above are from a beautiful song by artist Lauren Daigle titled ‘How Can It Be’. Have you ever said those words?
Have you ever felt so guilty that God couldn’t love you?
Have you ever felt so dirty that you couldn’t worship our Savior?
We let shame overtake us, especially when we have a past full of sexual sins. Because of our past, we feel unworthy of God’s love. The Bible tells us to stay pure until marriage, but what do we do when we’ve awakened love early?
“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” -Song of Solomon 8:4 ESV.
Awakening love early can easily happen in our media filled world. You could accidentally stumble onto porn, you could watch a movie with friends that has sex scenes, you could experience premarital sex, or maybe something happened that you did not consent to.
If any of the above or other events have happened to you, know that you are not alone. Even women who have not had sex struggle with lust and masturbation.
I’ve experienced all of the above. My first viewing of porn was in 5th grade when my friend clicked a link on my computer. I had experimented sexually with guys from my freshman year of high school until my freshman year of college. And I unwillingly lost my virginity to a guy my freshman year of college as he raped me in his tiny dorm room bed.
Ladies, my love awakened way to early. I felt defined by quilt, shame, and dirt. I asked God, “Well, now what? Is it too late for me?”
But friends, it was not too late for me. Rape led me to my Savior. I was so unsatisfied with life and so broken that I knew I needed a Savior. I surrendered my life to Jesus, and he slowly healed me and brought me to a life of purity.
Yes, my love may have awakened early, but that wasn’t the end for me. God has shown me that it is never too late to experience purity. The journey to believing and experiencing this took years. I had to un-train my mind and remove all temptations. No movies with sex scenes. No boyfriends without boundaries. (Click to read my post on boundaries in Biblical relationships.)
Some nights, I still craved the love. This made no sense to me. If I have these sexual desires and feelings, why can’t I act on them? I’ve already had these experiences. I know how great they feel. I crave them and I crave the pleasure. How can I not crave them?
We are sexual beings, designed and created by God, so sexual desires are natural. It is what we do with these desires. If we do things outside of a Godly perspective – we have a problem. We must wait for marriage. We must fight for purity and flee from impurity.
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” -1 Corinthians 6:18-20 ESV.
The Holy Spirit lives inside of us, and that is exactly why God wants us to not awaken love too early. When we sin sexually, we are sinning against God’s temple. Not only does this hurt God, but it hurts our hearts. God wants to protect our hearts and protect the gift of sex. Sex is a great thing inside a marriage and he wants us to experience this gift when we are married.
Whatever you’ve gone through, I want you to know that it is never too late for God to redeem you. Maybe you choose to awaken love too early or someone else abusively did it for you – God can and will redeem you and your situation. You can’t physically become a virgin again, but you can live in purity.
Your freedom in Christ is worth more than your virginity.
You can experience freedom.
Freedom from the chains of sexual sin.
Freedom from the thoughts of shame and guilt.
You can be free because Jesus’s death on the cross was for all of your sins. Jesus died to give you freedom. He took on all your shame and guilt in order to make you white as snow.
Jesus is our Savior, redeemer, and lover and because of this we are free.
Who needs to read this post today? Share it with them! And read Katie’s story in this post: Can You Accept “Purity” as a Part of Your Name?
Joy is a regular contributor for Triple Braided. She is a recent college grad who experienced Jesus’s love and pursuit in college and surrendered her life to him. Jesus has brought her redemption, healing, hope, and a purpose. She feels called to encourage and help women in their walks with the Lord through her blog and ministry, Joy Pedrow Ministries. Joy writes about all topics that relate to young women. You can check out her blog: JoyPedrow.com or find her on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. Joy invites you to join her on this life long journey of pursuing Jesus. She hopes to help you: Experience Jesus. Experience His joy. Experience His freedom.
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