I sat next to my daughter at the dining room table as she ate her peanut butter and honey sandwich, frozen blueberries, and cheese stick. After taking a few bites she asked me, “Mommy, where’s your sandwich?” I didn’t have a sandwich on my plate. Instead I opted for a salad with goat cheese, sliced turkey, and balsamic vinegar and oil. With baby weight still to lose a salad seemed like a wiser choice.
I knew better than to tell my three-year-old daughter, “Mommy has to lose weight, so I’m just going to have a salad.” I’m not a stranger to food-related issues that start when you’re a little girl. My earliest memory of food becoming a “thing” was when I was about my daughter’s age.
“Mommy just decided to have a salad today,” I replied to my daughter, and I left it at that.
But it didn’t end there.
A week later we walked into Cold Stone Creamery. I wasn’t planning on getting any ice cream until my daughter looked up at me and said, “Mommy, what kind of ice cream are you going to get today?” I remembered back to our recent conversation over the peanut butter sandwich.
In that moment I had a decision to make. Do I continue to not participate with my daughter in eating situations because I had weight to lose, or do I teach her by example how to eat?
“I don’t know sweetie,” I responded, “Let me look. I bet there’s something yummy!”
I chose the latter. But it wasn’t an easy choice to make.
How My Food Strongholds Began
I remember sitting on the sofa at our house one Christmas morning. A woman in our family said, “Now just be careful not to gain too much weight. You don’t want to end up chunky like me.” I wish I had the knowhow to reply with “Thanks, thanks a lot. I’m three, but I’ll keep that in mind . . . for the rest of my life.”
My earliest memory of being conscious about food may be when I was three-years-old, but the memories don’t end there. I have memory after memory of incidents which made food my enemy.
By my twenties I had symptoms of Bulimia.
I do not struggle with an eating disorder anymore, but the battle against food-related strongholds is still there.
What is a Food Stronghold?
A stronghold is “a fortified place”, “a place of security or survival”, or “a place dominated by a particular group or marked by a particular characteristic.” A spiritual stronghold is a strong place that’s acting stronger than God in our lives. It’s a place we go to for security or survival. It’s a place in our thoughts or actions dominated by a particular characteristic.
We often think that food-related strongholds show themselves in eating disorders or obesity. But that’s not true. I see a lot of women who do not struggle with an eating disorder. Yet food controls them. They think about it constantly, obsessing on every morsel. They’re afraid to eat too much. They’re afraid to eat the wrong thing. Food is their enemy. Food is a stronghold in their lives. I know this because if unaware I am this woman.
I have a little girl who watches my every bite. Instead of passing to her my issues with food, I made the decision to teach her the truth about food – starting with my daughter seeing me eat.
Why My Daughter Sees Me Eat
What if we eat the chips but only eat a handful? What if we eat the ice cream but stop when we’re full? What if we eat the salad with all the yummy toppings and explained how to balance food groups within a day? What if we talk about the nutrients our bodies need to stay healthy?
Let’s talk to our daughters about how we need to be good stewards of the food God has given us. Let’s have the conversation about food becoming an idol and God saying, “Do not have any other gods before me.” Let’s tell our daughters that because God made us in His image we need to respect the body He’s given us. Let’s explain the Holy Spirit whose home is inside this one body we have.
Our daughters need us to teach them truth about food. They don’t need to hear us talk about food incessantly. They need to see us eat without shame or analysis. They need to see us eat for health. They need to see us eat for fun. They need to see us eat to celebrate.
Skipping out on dessert, choosing to eat something different from everyone else, or not eating at all sends our daughters a message that food is the enemy. But when we eat in moderation, make healthy choices but also enjoy food, and participate in celebrating life with food, we teach them to make food an afterthought. It’s no longer an enemy but a blessing.
Our daughters learn to eat by watching us eat. If we want them to grow up with healthy body images and healthy eating habits, then now is the time to start – by letting them see us eat.
How do you teach your daughter about healthy eating and a healthy body image?
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