On the way home from my best friend’s house my daughter said to me, “Mom, [my friend’s girls] told me that they believe the wine turns into Jesus’ blood and the bread turns into Jesus’ body during communion! Do we believe that?”
Right there I was like, “Huh?” How unusual for little girls, all seven-years-old and under, to be talking about the Catholic Eucharist. On the two-hour drive home I expected some chill time, not a theology lesson.
My best friend is Catholic, and I’m Protestant. What we miss in the differences of our Christian faith, we share in our deep devotion to it. We both teach our girls the sacraments of Christianity, including communion.
I explained to my daughter what we believe and the differences between Catholicism and Protestantism. This led to a lesson on the Reformation, complete with a YouTube video. I’ve never been good at keeping it simple. My girl’s questions eg me on. She doesn’t keep it simple either.
Later that day I called my friend with a “You’re not going to believe what the girls were talking about!!” She laughed and then apologized. I told her not to be sorry. I’m happy for the opportunity to teach my girl something new about people’s differences.
I’ve never been one for pretense, and this flows into my motherhood. Childhood should be special, secure, and happy. However, we don’t live in a fairy tale, and I don’t pretend as we do. Sometimes that means conversations come sooner than I expected. But I want to be a key influencer in my girls’ lives before other influences settle in, and so I welcome the timing.
My perspective on raising my girls is that their childhoods are training camps for adulthood. This is my time to teach them as much as I can about the “real world” and how it works while they’re still under my protection and discernment.
When my daughter comes to me with, “[So-and-so] said this is true or isn’t true” or “[So-and-so] said this or that,” I don’t see it as a threat. I see it as an opportunity.
It’s an opportunity to teach my girls how to respond to different beliefs with truth and love. It’s an opportunity to explain my beliefs based on my faith and experiences. And it’s an opportunity to explain the difference between God’s commandments and legalism so that my girls do not become judgemental or self-righteous.
When I talk to my girls about different beliefs of people, I teach them these three principles:
- Everyone has the choice to believe what they want to believe. This is free will, and it’s a gift from God.
- As Christians, there are some things the Bible teaches that are commandments and tenets of the faith that are non-negotiable for true followers of Jesus to obey and believe. However, outside of these, everything else is based on each Christian’s discernment through the Holy Spirit.
- For people who are not followers of Jesus, they are not held to the same standards as Christians since they do not have the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we hold on to truth, but love them with grace.
At my girls’ young ages, they are concrete thinkers. It’s hard for them to understand that two people can to be opposite and still right on certain subjects. We’ve had some hard conversations where I’ve explained that it’s not my girls’ jobs to defend their beliefs, change people’s minds, or convince them that their beliefs are wrong. I encourage my girls to always tell the truth about their beliefs and not change them or hide them because someone believes differently, but we’ve practiced saying, “I believe [whatever the belief is]” and then being quiet. After that, there’s no need to say anything else.
Since the conversation at my friend’s house concerning communion, I’ve overheard my oldest girl talk to her friends about different subjects. One girl will think one way and the other girl a different way. I’m tempted to interject or interrupt or coach my girl mid-sentence on what to say. But I’m trying to let her navigate this world of differences for herself.
It would be easy for me to swoop in and tie everything up for my girls with a bow, but that won’t strengthen their muscles to speak their truth in love. My prayer is that they grow up with strong beliefs that will lead to a strong identity. An identity that is not based on other people’s opinions of them or what they believe. But an identity based on who they are in Jesus and how they love people – even people who believe differently than they do.
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