Nothing sends a southern mama’s heart aflutter like hearing the words, “It’s a girl!” Her next thought is “smocked dresses and big bows.” Fantasies of being a girl-mom come true, and she praises Jesus she doesn’t have to peeve a baby son (or her husband) with second-rate Jon-Jon’s.
I know this because I am one of those southern mama’s. We’re a little obsessed. Finding a gently used Strasburg dress at a consignment sale sets us up for a week of rainbows and sunshine. Then if we’re blessed with two girls the fun starts all over – matching dresses!
Boutique clothing went over well with my oldest girl until she reached the age of four. Then she was done. We moved back home to Georgia, after living in North Carolina, and to our favorite place in the world – the town of Athens – home of the University of Georgia. Suddenly my girl became obsessed with all things college. All her babysitters were students at UGA, and she wanted to be just like them.
When it came time to get dressed each day, EG would say, “I’m a college girl! College girls don’t wear these stinky bows and dresses!” Instead, she wanted her hair in a messy bun and t-shirts with words printed on them – ahem. I knew it was really over when she begged me for a pair of jeans. She only had one pair that was long outgrown. I began mourning the loss of dressing my girl up like a baby doll.
At first, I pushed back. I thought to myself, “I really can make her wear anything I want. I am her mother after all.” And sometimes, on certain occasions, I didn’t give her a choice. But as I checked my own heart and the reasons why I wanted to dress her in boutique clothing, I realized it wasn’t about the clothes. It was about me.
The Desire to Impress People
Take your girl in the grocery store in a smocked dress and a big bow in her hair, and see how many compliments you, I mean she, gets. Or better yet, take her to a birthday party or to preschool. Children’s clothing is a magnet for attention.
If I’m honest, however, and transparent to say the least, my push-back about my daughter not wearing the clothes I wanted her to wear was not just because I thought they were pretty clothes. My motives were deeper, and they were sinful.
Attention feels good. And people thinking more of you than they should feels good, too. My desire to impress people was part of my decision to dress my daughter the way that I did. Sure, I love the clothes. But it was about more than just pretty clothes. The fact that I was willing to break relationship with my daughter over something that was not a moral issue or a deep conviction told me that I needed to reassess myself.
Teaching My Daughter to Trust me
As a mom, there are hundreds of little decisions we have to make in a day and possibly an equal amount of resistance from our girls. A question I’ve started asking myself when trying to make these decisions, (such as, “Should I make her wear this outfit or not?”) is, “Will this matter in ten years?” In ten years, will it matter that she wore the smocked dress and bow instead of the messy bun and t-shirt?
Sometimes it will matter, depending on the lesson I need to teach her. For instance, she needs to learn that we wear different styles of clothing to different places and for different occasions. You don’t wear the same thing to a football game that you wear to work, for instance. And of course, I’m always trying to teach her modesty.
But if there’s not a lesson to be learned and applied in ten years, then it’s not worth having a meltdown over. Instead, I rather teach my daughter that I’m not going to exasperate her with the little things, therefore, I want her to trust me with the big things. I want her to know that my “no” means something more than my vanity. If I’m saying “no” I must have a true reason for it.
I often tell my girls to trust me so that they learn to trust God because one day I will not be here. My job is to teach them to hear, listen, trust, and obey my voice so that they will do the same for God’s voice. In order for them to learn this, they have to know I don’t take away their freedom for my own selfish desires or as a power-trip, but I limit their freedom to things that matter in order to protect them.
Letting my girl choose her own clothes is one small way I’m doing this.
Now about My Two-Year-Old Girl
My love for smocked dresses and big bows hasn’t changed, and my two-year-old doesn’t care yet – most of the time. So as full-disclosure, I still dress her in my favorites. However, I will say that she wears more “other clothes” than her older sister did at her age because there’s nothing better than being like big sis.
This weekend is our first home UGA football game of the season. We’re taking both girls, and it will be a day of tailgating and fun. As I talked through with EG what she would wear, I imagined the cuteness of my girls in matching handmade Georgia dresses. But my girl wanted nothing of it. She’s wearing white denim shorts and her Georgia Gymdog t-shirt. I want to push back, but I’m not. My youngest, ME, however, will be there in all the loveliness of the south – a handmade dress and big bow. I’m a work in progress, to say the least.
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