The first time I left my girl at the church nursery she looked at me, blinked, and turned to the toys. A clear indication she was ready to move past the good-byes and get onto the good stuff. A confident girl revealed. I walked away with tears rolling down my cheeks.
That was almost six years ago. Nothing has changed since. This past August she started kindergarten. At Open House there was an informational meeting in the gym for new families before meeting the teachers. At the conclusion of the meeting, I got caught up talking to another mom. My girl had been patient enough, and before I knew it she was out of sight, out of the gym, and headed towards the building where her classroom is all by herself. “I guess she’ll find her classroom,” I said to myself and followed behind the herd of people in front of me. When I arrived at her classroom door there she stood, already inside, talking to her new teacher. She looked up at me with this, “Where have you been?” look on her face. Needless to say, she found her classroom.
One would think that being the mom to a confident child is a dream-come-true – no tears, no anxiety, no tantrums. For the most part, it does make my job easy. However, there are parts of it that are a struggle. Especially with raising a confident girl.
Sometimes when we’re out-and-about at a friend’s house or on the playground or in the grocery store I get the sense that my daughter is too much for some people – too inquisitive, too talkative, too precocious. It’s the ageless plight of women, isn’t it? Women are either too much or not enough. She’s in kindergarten, and it’s already started.
The struggle is I want my daughter to learn social nuances, cultural formulas, and etiquette. She needs to learn these things so that she can show consideration and love for others and so that she realizes the world doesn’t revolve around her. However, I love the way she is. Right now, she’s the most intriguing person I know. She’s her own person to such a degree that she’s oblivious that other people may have an opinion of her. And I think if she did know she wouldn’t care. She’d think something is wrong with their opinion, not her.
My daughter doesn’t fit in any box. She’s not a girly-girl, and she’s not a tomboy. She picks up frogs and takes care of her dolls like they’re real babies. She talks about going to college, plays superheroes, and loves to wear makeup. She’ll surprise you with her reasoning skills, quick wit, and strong will. She likes to make her own lunch, fold her own clothes, and begs me to let her go to overnight camp.
To put it simply she’s fearfully and wonderfully made. I love her something fierce. I don’t want her to change.
The world is going to tame her. I know it’s coming. She’ll wake up one day and her confidence will have receded, even if a little bit. She’ll think she’s too much, so she’ll try to shrink back. In her mind, the lie will take root that something’s gotta give in order for her to be okay, for other people to like her, for her to make them feel comfortable. It will become more about them and the world than about her and who God wants her to be.
Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe that’s my problem. I know this is coming because I’ve been there. My plight has been of the “not enough” type rather than the “too much” type. I’ve looked to others to tell me who I should be instead of to God to tell me who I am. I’ve cared too much about what other people think and not enough about what God thinks of me. My persona has changed with the wind to make other people comfortable.
We’re not meant to behave for people. We’re supposed to behave for God. If other people aren’t comfortable with who we are, it’s more of a reflection on them – not us.
How do I teach my girl these things without breaking her spirit? Without being one of the many who will tell her she’s too much?
I don’t know the answer, exactly, but for now, I’m trying to gently teach her that God created her for a specific purpose. Every part of her He wants to use for His glory. Within that God wants her to care about people, but not care about what people think of her. He wants her to please Him, but man.
My girl may be too much for some people, but she’s not too much for God. She’s made in His image, and every ounce of her confidence will be used for His glory.
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