Brenda Rodgers

Why a Girl’s Date Should Pay

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Brenda Rodgers

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Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Steve Snodgrass

So you’re on either side of the fence: a girl’s date should pay on a date or a girl should pay on a date.

Yes, a man should absolutely pay when he takes a girl on a date! He has to show that she is worth something to him!

or

No, a man should not be obligated to pay at all! Women are quite capable of making their own money and paying for themselves! 

The side you are on is no doubt influenced by the geographical location in which you grew up and that may indicate how you were taught to think about these type issues.

Can you guess where I’m from?

You bet! Born and raised in the south. I fit the stereotype so well, don’t I?

I do think that a man should pay when he takes a woman on a date.

However, I don’t think it’s some hard, fast rule! Apart from the “rules” in the Bible, the rest is left up for each of us to discern on our own.

Here is the reason a girl’s date should pay:

A dating relationship is not marriage, even though many dating relationships try to operate like marriages. So a dating relationship should not be designed under the covenant guidelines outlined in the Bible: Ephesians 5:21-33.

Basically, a woman does not submit to her boyfriend, and a boyfriend does not submit to his girlfriend.

Submissiveness is designed for marriage.

So how can you be assured if the guy you are dating is going to uphold his part in the verses of Ephesians 5 after marriage?  

How do you know he will be a leader?

How do you know he will provide for your family?

How do you know he will put you above all else?

One way is to look for evidence of these behaviors in a dating relationship. No, he is not obligated to do any of the above actions while dating, and there should be boundaries in how much of the above he does so that both of you can guard your hearts. (For instance, it is not healthy for him to pay your bills and be involved in making big decisions or put you before his family.)

But he can show these qualities in the little things – like paying for dates. 

This makes you feel special and a priority to him. It shows that he is willing to invest in you by providing for you in some way. And it puts him in a leadership role.

Now does that mean that he should pay for every single date especially after an extended time of dating and courtship? 

Probably not. You can also show him evidence of the wife you will be in marriage, as well, by helping him, putting him first, and paying sometimes.

But overall, it is wise for the man to pay on dates.

Where are you on this issue? Do you think men should pay on dates?

Comments

7 responses to “Why a Girl’s Date Should Pay”

  1. Ashley@ Stay-At-Home Daughter Avatar
    Ashley@ Stay-At-Home Daughter

    I feel it’s always a good idea for a guy to pay for dates because it’s an opportunity to practice and show the provision he should display in marriage.  With that said I think a girl should practice thankfulness and not have crazy expensive expectations just as a wife should practice thankfulness and moderation.  

    Reply
    1. Brenda Avatar
      Brenda

      Ashley, what an excellent point! This is an opportunity for a woman to practice thankfulness. Never should there be the “expectation” of paying on dates, but both the giving and the receiving should be in love. The moment expectation becomes a part of it, then love it’s not an act of love. (Not romantic love, but Christ’s love for our fellows brothers and sisters. 🙂 Thank you for your wisdom, and Congratulations!! I am so happy for you and your engagement!

      Reply
  2. Melissa Butler Avatar
    Melissa Butler

    I am really glad to see this post, this is something that I have struggled with knowing what the right thing to do is.  I am divorced and totally new to the dating scene, the first couple of times I went out with a guys I felt totally uncomfortable with this and would insist I pay and refuse to let him pay.  I realize now that this made things much more awkward!!!  I feel like guys don’t owe me anything, so why should they be obligated to pay.  When I was dating my ex-husband we were both young and poor and we took turns paying so I think that contributed to my not expecting a guy to pay.  I had some awkward moments when I would go out with a male co-worker and insist to pay.  We are good friends now, so I think the unspoken thing is we take turns paying.  When I was actually dating a man that was older than me, he taught me how to be a lady by paying and treating me well.  I agree when a man really wants to pursue you, he should be glad to pay and insist that you don’t.  I can’t imagine a woman who would take advantage of that, but I know they are out there. 

    Reply
    1. Brenda Avatar
      Brenda

      Melissa, it is a hard issue. Now, if the relationship is a co-worker situation or a “friends” situation (which I am of the opinion that guys and girls can’t really be friends – yes, I’m one of those :-), but if that’s the set-up, then I don’t think a man should pay at all b/c it sets up an imaginary relationship that leads to complications and hurt feelings, etc. But otherwise, from my experience, most guys want to pay and take care of the woman they are interested in and then date. They are created to be warriors and heroes and “win the girl”. Again, from my experience, if that’s not there then something more is going on – he’s not interested or he may just not share your values. Some guys, unfortunately, aren’t taught how to be men. In that case you have to decide if it’s best to date him. No, guys don’t owe us anything. Even in marriage they don’t owe us anything. Owing sets up a debt/debtor relationship. But that is how they show us that they want to take care of us, provide, and put us first like their role is outlined in the Bible. I can talk about this forever!! 🙂 Thank you for your comments and sharing your experiences! We need to hear those!

      Reply
  3. Helena Avatar
    Helena

    I’m from Germany, and here it is not common for a man to pay on a date. If I think about it, dating in general is not common around here at all. But if I happen to be someplace with someone and he offers to pay for me, it honestly makes me feel like he’s buying ”me” in a way, or that I am obliged to him in some sort of way. Maybe I’ve just never been on a real date were it actually feels nice having the guy pay…:)

    Reply
    1. Brenda Avatar
      Brenda

      Helena, that is so interesting, and I’ve never thought about the culture differences on this subject. I’m interested, do you have something else in place in Germany (besides dating) before you get married? Do you just mean that guys don’t ask girls out on dates like here in America? I love hearing about other cultures! You’re right, if a guy paying implies or makes you feel that he is “buying you”, then I would pay too. Thank you so much for sharing with us!! It is good for us to see the differences. 🙂 

      Reply
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