They say that hindsight is 20/20, and as cliché as it sounds, there is so much truth to those words.
Oh, if I could take a stroll backwards. Not that I want to be in a completely different place or with a different husband, but so that I could be a different person in this place and a different person to my husband.
Single women, God has filled you with opportunity to know him deeply, serve him greatly, and create a legacy for him for years to come.
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| Photo Credit: Creative Commons: John ONolan |
This year, choose to embrace his gift of opportunity. Make this a year of intentional living where every day counts for someone – whether it be you, your future husband or children, a friend, a family member, someone in need, or a complete stranger. Make each day count for someone big for God.
If my vision had been 20/20 . . .
5 Things You Should Do in 2012:
1. Get a mentor!
What was that aching feeling in my chest that I physically felt sometimes as a single woman? What was it that made me long to be hugged or touched after a weekend alone? What made me crave sitting in a restaurant, even if alone, just so that I could get out of my one-bedroom apartment?
It was God’s design for us to live in community.
What makes it hard for single adults is that community has to be sought after a little harder than for someone who has a default, permanent body living in their house every day. As single adults get older, and possibly the involvement of parents or older adult influence lessens, it becomes increasingly important to have a person whom you can go and talk with and who can be an accountability partner for you.
The key is for the relationship to be intentional with the purpose of helping you grow closer to God – not to be another friend who just tells you what you want to hear. This was my problem. I never lacked mentors as a single woman. I had several women who willingly invested their time into me. But I never was completely honest. And they never required me to be.
Get a mentor with the intentional purpose of helping you grow closer to God even when it means you having to answer the hard questions.
2. Get healthy!
There is no need to argue the importance of physical health. We are inundated with reasons to get healthy, and we all know them to be fact whether we want to do them or not.
Instead, I want to focus on two other facets of health – spiritual and emotional health. Living in the fallen world we live in, we all are wounded by family, friends, strangers, and even circumstances in our childhood and throughout our lives. There is no escaping the curse of the apple no matter how Christian your family was growing up or how perfect your life has been since. There is always still something. Even if it’s the little lies the enemy plants in your head and persuades you to repeat over and over again.
There is one insight into marriage that I was told as a single woman, but did not fully realize the truth behind until I experienced it myself. It is this:
Whatever you bring into marriage will be compounded by a thousand after the vows.
So this is the time to get healthy! Get a mentor, pastor, or even a Christian counselor to help you overcome whatever the apple has brought into your life – insecurities, anger, rejection, fear, etc. Becoming more emotionally and spiritually healthy will help you live the abundant life God has for us now, but it will also create the most optimal environment for a healthy marriage and home one day.
3. Become a servant!
I know that single adults do not like to feel like they are the workhorses because they supposedly have more time. And I do not want to make you feel that way either.
However, as with living in community, single adults have to be more intentional in the area of service. As a married person, service is a built-in part of every day life. If you do not serve each other, and continually learn to serve better, then your marriage will most likely not last the long haul and certainly will not thrive.
Service for a single adult is not easy. You have seek opportunities and then sometimes have to go to them alone. You don’t have a built-in service project right under your roof.
But, on the other hand, single adults can benefit so much more than married people by pouring their lives into the lives of others. Serving helps you focus your mind on others outside of yourself. This helps with your spiritual and emotional health, and it provides for your need for community. And serving prepares you for the lifetime of serving you will experience as a wife and/or mother.
Ask God to show you where he wants you to serve him. It could be the church, a local organization, or maybe just a friend or someone in your neighborhood. Just be willing to become a servant.
4. Use your gifts!
“I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to”, “I want to bake and cook, but have no one to bake and cook for”, and “I wish I had a home to decorate”. These are statements that came out of my mouth as a single woman. As this little girl who wanted nothing more than to be a homemaker, singleness left me feeling purposeless and without a place for my unique design and desires.
If you love to decorate, decorate your home with the same enthusiasm you would decorate a home married. If you love to bake, bake away and find a great place to give away your baked goods. If you want to learn to scuba dive, learn to scuba dive – even by yourself! If you love children, offer free babysitting to a couple at your church or mentor a young girl.
God gifted you with uniqueness to use for his glory. It is without conditions, and he wants to use you, and how he created you, to accomplish his purposes now! These are purposes that are only for you to accomplish. No one else can accomplish your specific purposes . They’re yours.
So embrace your gifts and the life he has given you, and use them now!
5. Consider not dating!
Yes, you read correctly. Consider not dating. This is the one thing that I wish I had done as a single woman for no other reason but to “set my mind” firmly on God.
I talk about this more and the “No Dating Challenge” in this post. I encourage you to read more about why I would ever ask you to consider not dating.
This one commitment could be life changing for you, and I challenge you to pray boldly for God’s direction in whether he would like for you to take this challenge.
Each of these five things are only important now because the time you have is now. But their significance will be fully realized years to come, and even into eternity, with each relationship impacted through the decisions you make today.
Today I am linking up with (in)courage and Annie Down’s post “Single in the New Year”.
Go on over there and be encouraged and inspired!
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