I sat across the table from her as we chatted. She was young, just out of college, and she told me about this guy she’s been dating. She told me how much she liked him and how sweet he was to her.

I asked her the typical questions. Where did you meet? How old is he? What does he do?

They met through friends. He was young, too, and he waited tables.

“Oh, is he waiting tables while he’s in college?

“No, he just waits tables for his job.”

“Is he interested in restaurant management?”

“Oh, I don’t know. He doesn’t have a car right now. But he’s working hard to get one. I take him to work and pick him up most days. I let him use my cell phone, too, because he doesn’t have one.”

The red flags in my mind started waving.

The story is common. You meet a guy, and he’s good-looking and nice and treats you well . . . BUT . . . There it is. The big BUT that you deliberately throw out of your head and rationalize to everyone else.

However, it’s the “but” that leads you down the path to regret. I know because I took the path to regret and even made other “but” detours along the way. When you end up in regret, all you can think about is “What if?” and “Why didn’t I?” It’s a hard place to leave.

After listening to this young woman’s story, I thought about three things a guy must have before you date him. (Or should I say start a serious relationship with him?)

1. A job.

Unless he’s in college (in which case that would be his present “job”), the guy you’re interested in needs to have a job before you start dating him. You never know who you’re going to fall in love with and who you’re going to want to marry. If the guy isn’t able to take care of himself yet, then he’s not able to provide for you in the event your relationship leads to marriage.

Also, having a job is a characteristic of people who are mature and responsible and forward-thinking. It doesn’t have to be his dream job. It doesn’t have to be a job that earns a lot of money. It doesn’t have to be a career. He can work at Starbucks. As long as he shows a strong work ethic and initiative as he waits for the right opportunity. Young adult men who sit around playing video games all day waiting for the perfect opportunity are not ready to date, and they’re certainly not ready for marriage. Just ask a woman whose husband can’t keep a job. She will tell you the struggles of marrying someone with a poor work ethic.

Wait until he has a job. Then date him.

2. A plan.

So let’s say the guy you’re interested in has a job but it’s an in-between job, not a career or a job with a future. That’s okay as long as he has a plan. You want to date someone who is goal oriented – someone who has dreams about his future. Not just his future career, but also his future finances, home, marriage, and children.

Another example is the guy who still lives at home. I typically give the advice that a guy needs to be on his own, out from under his parents’ wings, before he dates someone. However, there are exceptions. Like if the guy is still in college. Or if he, even after working his in-between job, can’t afford to move out. But if he is still living at home, then he should have a plan. He should be saving all he can and working as hard as he can to make that plan work.

Make sure he has a plan. Then date him.

3. A relationship.

This one is huge. A guy should have a relationship with Jesus before you start dating him. I made the mistake once of asking a guy, “Are you a Christian?” He said he was. I’m not judging his faith, but I know from observation that he did not display a growing relationship with Jesus. The word “Christian” means many different things to many different people. If you are growing in your relationship with Jesus, (and oh, how I pray you are!) then the guy you date should be growing in a similar way in his faith. Not just to win you over, but because he truly loves Jesus more than he wants to date you.

Watch if he is growing in his relationship with Jesus. Then date him.

What’s on your list? What must a guy have before you date him?