He Knew

It has been eleven days since “The Call”. In that eleven days life has changed for the worse and for the better, back to the worse and to the better again, not one time or two times, but countless times.

And for each time the tide changed, for each time life became unpredictable and steady again, God was sovereign.

This has been my overall gift and lesson – God’s sovereignty. Even though I did not know the course God had planned for John’s health, He did.

“He replied, ‘The Father alone has the authority to set those dates and times, and they are not for you to know. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere — in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.’ ” (Acts 1:7-8)

He knew that on August 1st at 11:30 I would get a call from the hospital to come quick because John’s heart wouldn’t stop beating fast and he was very sick. He knew the agony I would feel as I drove the 66 miles to get to John. He knew I would sit at John’s bedside all night in the ICU with my head on his bed crying and begging Him to save my husband’s life. He knew that I would be up for 36 hours between those two days. He knew that He was going to have to sustain my body because it could no longer sustain itself.

Then, after a good day on August 3rd seeing John’s eyes, hearing his voice, and believing that the worse was behind us, God knew that the very next day, August 4th, John’s brewing infection would bring him down again – deeper this time. He knew that I would watch as the doctors rushed together to make a plan to save John’s life. He knew that I would see them run John to surgery to put him on life support not knowing whether his sick heart would give up forever. He sat with me in the waiting room as again I cried out and begged, reading Psalms over and over, and He held me up when the doctor came in to tell me that John was stable.

God knew that John would be on life support before he had his transplant. He knew that this life support had huge risks including strokes. He knew that John needed a heart, and He knew the exact date and time he would receive it. God knew that on August 6th He was going to answer our prayers. He knew that it would be His perfect timing. Even though John wasn’t conscious and following commands like the doctors wanted him to, God knew it was time. He orchestrated the perfect time when most of our family and friends would be in town. He knew that around 8:00 p.m. we would hear the news that John was matched with his perfect heart. He knew that we would get to pray with John before he went into surgery. He knew that He would have to give us courage every two hours to pick up the phone and hear the update of the surgery. He knew that we would all be waiting at 4:00 in the morning to see John coming out of surgery and coming down the hall. He knew that He was not going to let me be alone.

As we celebrated our answered prayer, John’s new heart on the exact weekend we asked for it, God knew there would still be a question mark. Would John wake up from his surgery? God knew that I would have to continue to surrender and lay down John’s and my life at His feet once again. He knew He was going to give me hope that John just needed some more time. He knew that He was going to give me peace. However, He also knew that the doctors were going to come to me and tell me that John could have had some brain damage. He knew I would once again go to him in prayer, begging, to please once again save my husband’s life. Not his physical life this time, but the life that would allow him to experience the joy of his new heart.

God knew that on August 10th, after a long day of prayer and concern, the nurse would call me and tell me, “John nodded his head! He’s responding to commands!”

God knew. He always knew. It was unexpected for me, but never for God.

This is what the Holy Spirit has taught me and reminded me of throughout this week. And that is how I can experience “the peace that surpasses all understanding”.

God’s never surprised. He’s always sovereign. Thank you, Lord, for your sovereignty so that all I have to do is lay at your feet.

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16)