Brenda Rodgers

Author: Brenda Rodgers

  • Pain in the Back::Day 5

    The only word to describe today is painful. Painful for John because he has been laying on his back for five days now. He is having excruciating pain, and when the nurse asked him the level of his pain on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being no pain and 10 being having a baby, he said 7. To make it even worse, he has probably slept a total of three hours within the past 48 despite the sleep medication he takes every night. So what formula does this make?

    pain + lack of sleep = more anxiety

    The doctors are continuing to tweak his medications to help with all of these symptoms, but so far nothing has been a huge help. Right before I left tonight they gave him two new pain medications. Hopefully there will be good news tomorrow along with a restful John.

    Today has been painful for me because I have to watch John in so much pain. He twists and turns constantly as he tries to get comfortable, and there is nothing I can do to help him. The doctors have given him strict orders to keep his right leg straight at all times. He can’t sit up all the way, and he can’t bend his leg. Today his nurse told us that disturbing the balloon pump in his leg can cause serious complications including leg amputation. That totally freaked me out!

    So every time John twists, turns, or tries to sit up I get frantic. At one point he was climbing the walls so much with anxiety that I just knew he was going to jump right out of the bed. I finally told him that I didn’t care if he got mad at me, but the next time he moves too much I was going to get the nurse. What good is a new heart without two good legs, right?

    Tonight’s prayer is that the pain in the back goes away, and John calms down before completely losing it!

  • Raw Humility::Day 4

    The ultimate example of humility, of course, is God becoming a lowly human. And not a powerful, important, wealthy human, but a baby, a servant, who suffered a criminal’s death.

    However, being in the ICU might be the closest experience that we will have of ultimate, raw humility. I have been very blessed to never have been in the hospital, and really I have never had to visit people in the hospital much in my life. So I had never been in an ICU room until this week. But it is no joke. There is really only one choice – humble yourself and surrender.

    That is what today has been all about – humble and surrender. But it has not been an easy road. It is much harder for a young, “healthy”, man like John, who wants to get up and run even though he can’t right now. He has gone from an independent, self-sufficient man to a man who is completely dependent on other people for everything. He has tried to fight it. But he can’t. There is nothing he can do about it. He has to humble himself and surrender to his circumstance, and the more he resists, the harder it becomes. It is best to just let go.

    The ironic thing about this idea of being humble and surrendered is that through it John becomes a “true” man, a “real” man. It is easy for men to be great and strong when there is nothing they have to endure, nothing pushing back at them, nothing to resist. However, only a real man can endure what John is going through. Only a real man can humble and surrender himself so that his strength becomes stronger.

    “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

    There are no words to express how proud I am of my husband. I have no idea of what he is going through, but he handles each day with more strength than you would think a person could muster up. He is the perfect example of a true man. Instead of running and hiding, getting caught up in pride and self-pity, he humbles himself and surrenders. And through that he is made strong.

    Hang in there, Boby. Your day is coming for a new life. One God hand picked especially for you and it is wonderful!


  • Pumping Blood::Day 3

    It’s amazing what a difference pumping blood makes!

    I walked into John’s hospital room this morning not knowing what to expect. After seeing him yesterday – pale, exhausted, and practically gasping for each breath – I was preparing myself for more of the same.

    As I crept around the curtain in his room, fearful of waking him up, I heard, “Hey Sweetie!” Whoo! Things are looking up!

    John looked and sounded so much better today! His spirits were better, and he said he could definitely tell a difference in his breathing and overall blood flow. I asked him if he felt like he could walk if he didn’t have that pump in his leg, and he said yes. Except for being a little fidgety and adjusting to laying down without moving one leg, he had a great day.

    I am so proud of him! And we keep moving forward . . .

  • A Heart of Flesh

    Besides the sweet “Email from God” Mr. and Mrs. Smith gave us today, they also told us a great story of a sweet, old lady that blessed them when Mr. Smith was in the hospital.

    In their story, this verse, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekial 36:26), was in a daily devotional the lady had given them. That part isn’t a huge deal, except that it was the printed on the exact same date as Mr. Smith surgery. And of course, to make it even “more God”, his surgery wasn’t even originally scheduled on that day.

    I love the Bible for reasons like this! Everything is in it! Everything! I say this to John often, and he now says to me before I can say it, “I know. It’s in the Bible.”

    What’s even greater and even hysterical about this verse is the New Living Translation. “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart” (Ezekial 36:26). Remember what I said earlier about John? Is this not hilarious and perfect? So there is hope! No more stubborn heart! I can’t wait!

  • An Email from God

    In the craziness of the day, God sent a very special blessing in a couple, The Smiths, who have been married for 53 years and have volunteered at Duke for the past 13. Mr. Smith had his heart surgery at Duke, and now every Wednesday they go around and visit the heart patients in the hospital.

    Through our conversation we discovered that they are Christians. They gave John a very sweet poem written from God in the form of an email. Here it is below:

    To: You
    Date: Today
    From: God
    Subject: Yourself
    Reference: Life

    This is God. Today I will be handling ALL of your problems for you. I do NOT need your help. So have a nice day. I love you.

    P.S. And, remember . . . If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do NOT attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in MY time, not yours.

    Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

    Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know!

    Now, you have a nice day.

    This came at the most perfect time, as God is known to do. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, for sending God’s love our way this afternoon.

  • Our Unchanging God

    “Remember the things I have done in the past.
    For I alone am God!
    I am God, and there is none like me.
    Only I can tell you the future
    before it even happens.
    Everything I plan will come to pass,
    for I do whatever I wish.”
    Isaiah 46:9-10

    Last night, before I left John’s hospital room, he was feeling very discouraged, and he was very anxious. A few hours earlier one of the doctors we had not met yet came by to talk to us. I was actually not in the room when he came because I was getting John’s suitcase out of the car. But when I got back to the room I could tell that John wasn’t happy.

    As a disclaimer first, we love Duke, and we love all of our doctors. They are brilliant, attentive, and every time they talk to us we are left feeling even more hopeful. But like anybody, they each have different philosophies and personalities. Some can ease the pain a little better in the things they say. Well, this doctor we met for the first time had a slightly drier approach in relating to John, and for someone like John, who is already wound pretty tight most of the time, that approach doesn’t do us any favors.

    When John told me about their conversation I got pretty angry, too. Mainly because it had upset John unnecessarily. The information wasn’t anything new, really, just more critical. However, the more I thought about it I began to recognize the reality of what was happening. Satan was just chopping-at-the-bit to get into our minds once again and try to fill us with fear and doubt. I told John about my light-bulb moment and that we were not going to allow the enemy take anything from us.

    Our changing feelings, emotions, and thoughts do not mean that God has changed. He has not changed. He is the same and His purposes are the same. Whatever God had planned before the conversation John had with the doctor is the same thing He has planned now.


    Malachi 3:6 says, “I am the Lord, and I do not change. That is why you descendants of Jacob are not already destroyed.”

    God knows everything the doctors know and more. We do not need to assist Him with new information. And quite frankly, God doesn’t need any of that information. He has created order in the world, so we can see patterns in how our bodies work and how the world around us works which helps us to advance it such things as medical care, but ultimately He is in control of all of that as well. So whenever it fits into His ultimate purpose, He defies all of those patterns and creates a miracle.
    So in these times when we are undergoing a countless amount of stress every day, we have to remember God’s Truth in His Word. We have to look back at what He’s done in the Bible and even in our own lives – all the times He’s protected us or saved us or comforted us or disciplined us – and remember that He is God. He does not change. The story is written. He just wants us to willingly and lovingly be a part of it so that we can know Him, our Creator, intimately.