Brenda Rodgers

Author: Brenda Rodgers

  • The Fastest Way to Kill a Friendship

    So I’ve been talking about friendship the past two days, and I’m giving away a copy of Shelley Hendrix’s book Why Can’t We Just Get Along? because it’s been beyond helpful recently with some friendship struggles!! Click over here and be sure to enter to win!!

    My roommate and I graduated college together and then decided to be roommates in graduate school, too. We both moved from our small college in Macon, Georgia to the big University of Georgia in Athens the summer after our senior year. With our newly earned degrees in early childhood education in hand, we started looking for teaching jobs. That summer there weren’t many. So we both ended up teaching at the same school – 45 minutes away.

    Our lives were pretty much identical and because of circumstances, we were mostly inseparable. We rode to work together in the mornings, saw each other in the hallways during the day, rode home in the evenings, and then went to night classes.

    But there was one big difference. She had a boyfriend who she’d dated for years. I wanted a boyfriend.

    I remember the Monday morning she came into the teacher workroom after a weekend at her parents. I was at the copy machine making copies for the week. I knew what I was going to see when I turned around. I don’t remember how – I knew just that I knew. I think she might have even told me the night before on the phone.

    I turned around, and she put out her hand. It was big and shiny and emerald cut. It was gorgeous. She was getting married.

    I could barely look at her.

    That is my most vivid memory of deep-seeded, rotten jealousy within me. Later I cried. I apologized. I asked for forgiveness. But our friendship was never the same.

    Fast forward many years, and jealousy is still the fastest way to kill a friendship.

    I want to tell you that it’s not between friends in the church, “Christian friends”, and that it only exist “on the outside”. But from my present experience there’s more jealousy, envy, competition between my Soul Sisters than between other friends. And guess what it’s over of all things . . .

    Ministry.

    Who’s involved in the most ministries at church, who’s in the “cool church group”, who’s a leader, who has the godliest husband.

    And it’s in blogging ministry, too. If you’re in this big world of online ministry you know it’s rampant.

    It’s there. And it’s sad. And it’s killing friendships.

    The killing is very subtle. I’m not sure that we Soul Sisters even know we’re jealous of each other. But it comes to the surface through the slip-in comments that are only slightly cutting so no one recognizes them or the asking of question after question, not out of genuine concern, but to have more information to compare and get jealous over.

    I guess this post is a kind-of-pleading to my Soul Sisters and maybe it can become a pleading to yours, too.

    We have to stop killing our friendships with jealousy.

    And maybe yours isn’t over ministry.

    Maybe it’s over your friend getting married before you or having the baby you want or going on date-nights once a week or fulfilling her true calling.

    You know those friendships that just kind-of dissolve and you’re not real sure how or why? One minute you’re praying together, spending time together, carrying each other’s burdens, and the next minute you realize you haven’t talked in months?

    Usually that’s because of jealousy.

    You may not even recognize it, but something deep within your souls created a wedge. You forgot that we are the Body of Christ – all different parts working together. You forgot that we are each fulfilling our own specific purposes for God’s kingdom. And you forgot that Satan is having a hay-day by separating us.

    So friends, today, let’s look at our friendships. Examine our hearts. Ask God to search us (Psalm 139: 23-24 ) And ask Him to forgive us for our jealousy. Then let’s makes some phone calls.

    I’ll be doing the same.

    How has jealousy affected your friendships?

     

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  • When You Get Friendship Dumped {And a Review and Giveaway}

    Recently I’ve been friendship dumped.

    I don’t know the reason. I don’t know the cause. I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know what happened.

    All I know is that I had a baby. And things changed.

    Some of my closest friends called once, and never called again. Visited once, and never visited again. Didn’t ask how my baby was doing or how I was doing with no sleep, emotions flying high, and still trying to keep up with day-to-day life. They didn’t text. Didn’t like pictures on Facebook. Just didn’t . . . do anything.

    One of my pet-peeves is passive-aggressive behavior. The silent treatment doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t understand it. “Just say-it-already” is my motto. But they haven’t said it.

    Then again, I haven’t either.

    I’ve thought about being blunt and asking, “What’s going on?”, but secretly I think I know the answer, and it’s nothing I can fix. And I’m pretty sure I know the response. “Nothing. What do you mean? I’m busy, too. Just because you have a baby doesn’t mean you’re now special.”

    No, but it does mean that for this season, since this tiny new life moved into our home, I need you to be my friend. And maybe just a smidgen more of you than normal.

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    During this time of being friendship dumped, I was given a book called Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?: 6 Effective Skills for Dealing with Difficult People by Shelley Hendrix.

    Oh. My. Goodness.

    I had never read a Christian book written primarily on female friendships, but, to be honest, I thought it would include the same advice given to me since middle school – don’t gossip, don’t act snooty, treat people nicely.

    However, it was nothing like I thought.

    Shelley starts the book not by focusing on how to fix all the relationships in our lives, but by turning the issues inward and focusing on ourselves as image bearers of Jesus. She doesn’t use canned answers from pop-psychology, but she takes God’s Word and unfolds it so that we can see how what we believe about God and ourselves affects how we respond or react in relationships.

    Shelley says, “When you know who you are, you’ll know what to do. When we don’t know who we are, we spend our time, energy, and resources trying to ‘fix’ the people and circumstances in our lives. We shift blame, we manipulate, we pout, we make concessions. Knowing who we are frees us from this damaging cycle and frees us to be fulfilled and active participants in the Body of Christ.” p. 28

    By starting with myself and Jesus, I reflected on my own friendship problems in a new light. Instead of staying in bitterness quicksand, I focused on the one person I can change and the one person I am responsible for fulfilling God’s call – myself.

    Shelley goes on in her book to unpack six effective skills to use when dealing with difficult people. Again, each of them were straight from God’s Word.

    This is where I gained new perspective.

    Yes, I have been very hurt by several friendships recently. I can get really angry about them if I think about them long enough. However, there’s nothing I can do to change another person – to heal her, change her opinion, or make her see circumstances my way.

    All I can do is be the friend I want her to be to me.

    So that’s what I’ve done. In the past few weeks, I have tried to be more intentional in my friendships to be supportive, encouraging, and prayerful. I’ve tried to ask my friends what they need help with, and I’ve tried to reach out to them more instead of waiting for them to come to me.

    To be honest, it hasn’t always been reciprocated, but as Shelley’s book has shown me, I don’t answer to my friends, I answer to God. And He wants to me to live friendships like He would live them.

    I am BEYOND THRILLED to be giving away one free copy of Shelley Hendrix’s book What Can’t We All Just Get Along? because I believe in this book so much! EVERY WOMAN NEEDS THIS BOOK! I don’t say that about every book, but I mean those words without any hesitation.

    This book is jammed pack of Biblical insights to help us live our friendships the way God intends. There is so much Biblical truth in it, and you can even use it as a personal or group Bible study!

    Now share with us, what’s your biggest struggle in female friendships?

    a Rafflecopter giveaway

  • Lullaby Confessions: Tropical Encouragement – A Review and Giveaway!

    This post has been moved to BrendaHRodgers.com.

  • Lullaby Confessions: Tropical Encouragement – A Review and Giveaway!

    Our baby girl is about to celebrate her first birthday in only a few months. I cannot believe it! She is growing so fast, and it is amazing to watch the world unfold through her eyes. When she was a tiny infant I was introduced to the soothing music of Lullaby Confessions. And now that she is a “big” baby, she loves their music just as much! Especially their new album “Tropical Encouragement”.

    I had the opportunity to review the Lullaby Confessions: Tropical Encouragement album with my baby girl. This time letting her hear a new album was a different experience because she can actually interact and respond to the music now. As soon as it started playing she started moving her shoulders back and forth swaying to the sound, and a big grin came upon her face.

    What I like most about Lullaby Confessions is that it’s great for any time that you want your children to start slowing down or resting. We listen to it while I’m nursing her or when she’s eating in the high chair. Sometimes when she’s fussy I will turn in on too. I imagine myself even playing it for her when she’s older during homework time or before bed.

    The new album “Tropical Encouragement” has a beachy, island sound which is very unique and fun. It also has uplifting and positive lyrics perfect for little ears, and includes several different musical instruments along with vocal.

    Whether you have babies or toddlers or even preschool and young school-aged children, Lullaby Confessions is the perfect music for your children, and I am thrilled to be giving away one free download of Lullaby Confessions new album “Tropical Encouragement” this week!

    Enter to win below, and be sure to share with your friends! 

    a Rafflecopter giveaway

    ** I was given free music for this review. There was no monetary compensation, and all of the opinions are my own! 

  • Do You Need to Hear God’s Voice?

    Have you ever needed to make a decision about something – something that you wanted badly but weren’t sure if it was God’s will or not? So in your desperate attempts to hear His voice you start looking for Him everywhere. Maybe you even start manipulating circumstances so that it seems He’s speaking through them.

    Well, that’s been me, too, and today I’m at Encouragement Cafe sharing this story with you – “God Speaks Through License Plates” – and talking about how to not misinterpret God’s voice.

    Will you join me there? And even share with a friend?

    Stirring the Spirit one cup at a time

  • Is this Spiritual Warfare?

    I start off by telling you that I know very little about spiritual warfare. I am not a theologian or a pastor. I did do a Bible study on spiritual warfare about ten years ago, but I can’t say that I recall much about it. My goal is just to tell you a story and how I have learned for myself how to answer the question – Is this Spiritual Warfare?

    About three years ago my husband spent 43 days in the hospital undergoing a heart transplant. I have written about that experience often recently. I love telling God’s story. What I did not mention were the other events occurring simultaneously.

    During all but three weeks of that time I lived in a hotel right across the street from the hospital. Framed pictures of John and I and my niece and nephews decorated my room. There was a refrigerator full of drinks and leftover carry-out boxes of food and the largest suitcase I own full of clothes. Every morning I would get up, get dressed, strap my old Jansport backpack that I used in college to my back, and make the walk two blocks to the hospital.

    I can still remember the beeps from the crossing lights. They sounded just like the beeps coming from the box facilitating John’s IV medications. And I remember the hotdog man who stood on the corner selling hotdogs every afternoon. I imagined myself standing there handing out money for prayers. “Pay for Pray!” would be my slogan.

    Each day was like walking into a new battlefield. I never knew what the doctor’s would say next. In my Jansport was my artillery to fight whatever would come. My New Life Application Study Bible. My prayer journal. Cliff notes to the book of Job to help me understand “Why?”. My Utmost for His Highest devotional. And another journal to write down notes.

    Everyday I would go to that inner space with tall buildings of sick and dying people surrounding me on all sides. I would sit there in battle and fight. I would pray. I would read. I would look at the hurting faces around me. I would cry.

    Jesus was in that courtyard.

    I was closer to Him than I had ever been in my life and closer than I’ve ever been since. As twisted as it sounds, I still yearn for, crave that courtyard. My faith was rock solid. I was completely surrendered.

    But there’s more.

    The night John went into emergency surgery to be put on life support my mom was making her way to the emergency room herself. She was diagnosed with stage four lung and bone cancer. She died a month later.

    My dad’s brother committed suicide that same week.

    I witnessed a fight between two young men right outside my hotel room as I peered out the peep-hole. One pulled a gun on the other and fired it. I crawled on the floor to the other side of the room while calling 911.

    Is this Spiritual Warfare?

    As I laid there waiting for the police to arrive I said to myself, “I’m definitely in battle. Battle with Satan.” There was no doubt in my mind I was under attack.

    As I mentioned in a previous post, I became pretty adamant when John got sick that this time around I WOULD glorify God in my life no matter what the circumstances or outcome. I was completely surrendered so much so that I told the enemy that his death schemes may take my husband but they would not take my faith.

    But he tried anyway.

    Through that experience I have come to recognize spiritual warfare in my life. Again, I’m not saying that this is true for everyone, but here are just two characteristics I’ve observed:

    1. I am in a state of complete obedience and surrendered to God. I am close to Him, following Him, honoring Him, and doing His will.

    2. The circumstances I’m experiencing are outside of myself coming towards me. They are events I cannot control, and they are intense.

    So what did I do? Nothing. I kept meeting Jesus in the courtyard. Everyday. I opened my Jansport of artillery, and I went to war.

    Have you experienced spiritual warfare? How do you know if it’s warfare or not?