Author: Brenda Rodgers

Beware of Becoming a Blog Follower

Has the term “blog groupie” been invented yet? If not, I’m inventing it because I am one! There are a few bloggers who I am total groupie about. Not only do a read their posts, but I like to know where they went to school, how many children they have, what’s their favorite ice-cream flavor. It’s a little embarrassing, but it’s the truth. I get star-struck easily. And if I happen to meet them in real life (which I have on occasion), I even get nervous!

Image courtesy of CoolDesign / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Recently a blog post was shared in my Facebook feed by one of the bloggers who I would probably get nervous meeting. The comment accompanying it said something to the effect that “if you don’t already read [the shared blog], then you should, it’s a must-read.”

Then, a few days later, another blogger – this time not just a blogger but an author, a speaker, a really famous Christian blogger/writer person – shared a post from [the same blog] recommended by the previous blogger.

Then another big-time Christian blogger guest posted on [this same blog] that I had seen mentioned previously by the two other bloggers.

Now three Christian bloggers had recommended [this blog]. I was familiar with [this blog] that all three of these bloggers recommended. Something a few weeks previous came across my newsfeed from her blog, and I checked it out. Like some of them, this blogger isn’t really just a blogger. She’s an author, speaker. She’s even been on T.V. She’s a famous person.

But what I read really disturbed me. It’s not just that controversial social issues were being discussed. There’s nothing wrong with that. But it was the way Truth was being represented. And even more so that these three Christians bloggers, who I would get nervous meeting, recommended me read her blog.

As I looked around in her big-ish corner of the world-wide-web, Jesus was talked about . . . along with Buddha, the Koran, and other eastern religions. And meditation. And hell. And other things that were not the Truth of the Gospel.

It was a light bulb moment for me.

It was like God pricked my heart right then. Watch your star-struckedness!

Just because someone writes about Jesus, doesn’t make her words Truth. (and that includes my words, too, my friends!)

Just because a big-blogger, writer, speaker, T.V. personality, recommends, guest posts, or says, “You have to check out this blog!”, doesn’t mean that it’s a recommendation I should trust.

I read lots and lots of stuff online. But am I holding what I read up to the Word of God to see how it stands against Truth? The Bible is very clear that false teachers and prophets abound all around us – possibly even in the Christian blogs we hang out in. With the internet we are susceptible to them more than ever.

But what about the young Christian, new in her faith and soaking up anything she can find about Jesus? Maybe she follows these three Christian bloggers who have just recommended, quoted, and guest posted for [this other blogger/writer]. Is she being led haphazardly by this recommendation?

So, this is my caution to blog followers:

1. Hold everything you read up to the Word of God. We will not agree on everything (Titus 3:9), but the Gospel shouldn’t be a place of discrepancy.

2. Be careful what you promote, endorse, and share. No, there’s no way to know everything about a person. I recommended Rob Bell’s DVDs to several people before he wrote Love Wins, so I’m just as guilty as the next person. But now I am mindful of it. That young Christian needs to know Truth, and if she’s looking up to you, then you’re the one who needs to point her to it.

I know you might be dying to know [the blogger/writer] I’m referring to in this post. I’m not sharing the name because the purpose is not to get an online Christian war started. It doesn’t matter who it is. The purpose of this post is to share with you a trend I’m seeing online in the Christians blogging world. A trend my heart’s been pricked by. It’s the ever so slight, innocent, bend towards a type of political correctness when it comes to the Gospel. I can try to be politically correct about many things but the Gospel of Jesus is not one of them.

We have to beware of becoming a blog follower and instead focus on being a Jesus follower.

And that includes myself.

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.’ 1 Peter 5:8

What can you add to this conversation?

June 18, 2013
To the Girl Who’s Never Been on a Date

The subject line of an email I received in my inbox last winter read:

Screaming, Crying, and Pulling My Hair Out – Literally!

It was January 1st, and before I even opened it my heart already started throbbing for the young, single girl on the other side of the screen. I knew exactly what she was feeling, and I wasn’t at all surprised by what I read.

She described New Years Eve — that dreadful day for a single woman — which outweighs all the hopeful possibilities a new year could bring. The scene she painted was nothing new.Everyone was coupled up at the party…except her. Midnight came, kisses of celebration were shared, and, as she wrote, “I stood alone.”

Is this girl also you?

Are you, too, screaming, crying, and pulling your hair out because all you desire is to be married but instead you “stand alone”?

Today I’m sharing some encouragement at More to Be to the girl who’s never been on a date from a girl who knows exactly how you feel.

Please join me there.

June 15, 2013
5 Things I’ve Learned from 5 Years of Marriage {Part 2}

This is part 2 of the post “5 Things I’ve Learned from 5 Years of Marriage”. Please read the first two things I’ve learned in the first post!

I am more broken than I ever knew.

Before I got married countless people told me, “Whatever you struggle with single, you’ll struggle with exponentially in marriage.” Of course I didn’t believe them. I just saw white picket fences and babies.

When you enter into marriage and begin living with someone who you’ve become one with, and there is someone always there ready to regurgitate yourself to you. For the first time you see yourself for who you truly are, and it’s frightening. Low-and-behold I’m not just a little insecure, a small bit of a people-pleaser, or slightly opinionated.

I have found I have two choices – fight it or fall into it. If I fight it, oh help! More ugly comes out, and then it’s fight or flight. And, yes, there have been times when I’ve wanted to flight! If I fall into it, then I humbly claim who I am, confess it, and move away screaming for God to help me! This has helped me become the person I’m supposed to be.

My influence is unmatched.

With a simple utterance of my voice or move of my eyebrows I can create any mood I want. I can bring peace or I can bring turmoil. I can get thins stirred up or I can simmer them down.

It’s the gift God’s given to women.

Over the past five years I’ve silently prayed for this or that or the other change in my husband or in our marriage. Then I’ve seen glimpses of that change. He’s watching me. He’s observing if I am who I say I am. Do I blog about lofty things and then not live them? Do I serve in the church and then not serve at home? Do I talk kindly to everyone around me and then crappy to him? He’s watching. I’m influencing.

But don’t be mistaken. The influence only comes when my knees hit the ground in prayer every. single. day. Again, without Jesus I’ve got nothing.

My silence is stronger than my voice.

I’m not talking about the silent treatment. Luckily for me (I guess) I’ve never been a silent-treatment-type-of-girl. I’m more of the let’s-fight-it-out-even-if-it-takes-all-night type. So there’s not much silent treatment in our house.

I’m talking about the tendency I have as a woman to go on and on and on and on. Kind of like I do in my writing a lot of times! When we don’t agree about a decision, or I feel passionately about something that he doesn’t (which is often – remember I’m the typical INFJ), if I can control my tongue, state my case, and move on, I get more out of him. He opens up more, discusses it more, and will even spend more time processing it with me over several days.

What could you add? What have you learned from marriage?

June 14, 2013
5 Things I’ve Learned in 5 Years of Marriage {Part 1}

I wrote this post, and it turned out to be over 1000 words! So I’m splitting it into two parts. This Saturday my husband and I will celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary. Here’s part one of 5 things I’ve learned in 5 years of marriage.

Marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve made that statement more times than I can count over the past five years. My first reality check was two weeks after John and I got married. I sat in an Extended Stay hotel where we were living after our move to a new state and before we bought our house. It was our first fight – over coffee – and right then I knew this was going to be harder than I thought.

Our newlywed marriage has been atypical compared to most people’s. We’ve lived a lifetime in these five short years with moving away from our hometowns for the first time in our lives, to enduring chronic illness and a heart transplant, and now to watching our baby girl being born. It’s been a ride with a fairy tale continuing, but not a smooth one. Each of us have wanted off the ride a time or two or three. But we keep going and growing and learning. And knowing that this is the stuff eternity is made of.

Without Jesus, I have no hope.

The statistics on divorce are shocking, no doubt, but now after being married, and reading that fewer and fewer people have relationships with Jesus, I’m actually surprised it’s not much higher. Without Jesus I might of well have asked for divorce papers along with signing the marriage certificate. There is no hope for my marriage without Him. Nothing has kept me on my knees like marriage has. Now, our baby is only seven months old, and motherhood may prove to be a more enduring test, but as it stands, marriage has rocked my world. If I told you there have not been day(s) that I did not ask myself, “What did I get myself into?” I’d be lying. In myself I’ve wanted to jump ship, forget, pretend it was a big, bad mistake.

But then there is Jesus. My marriage wasn’t a haphazard ceremony where I showed off a pretty dress and pink flowers. No, it was a divine appointment. One I will never fully understand as I breathe here on this earth, but nevertheless I must trust the whole thing is not about me at all. To make it about me is too much pressure. It’s about something eternal. The eternal is worth holding onto. So I’m holding on.

Marriage being a mystery is an understatement.

God said that in marriage two become one flesh and this is a mystery. For me, that’s an understatement. If you do marriage as one – like with one bank account, one vision of your future, and one way of raising your kids – things get a little dicey since you still have two brains. We’re not one, but we are one. It’s weird.

This has been the hardest part of marriage for me.

Two becoming one flesh is essentially a dying to yourself. Surrendering. Everyday. Again. And again. And again.

I’m not talking like you lose your identity, you no longer get to do things you like to do, you’re not free to be yourself or voice your opinion – all those silly things unknowing people in the world tell us about Biblical marriage.

I’m talking about dying to yourself by considering someone else before yourself. I don’t like dying to myself because I pretty much like my own way. I like my ideas. I think I’m right most of the time. I don’t like considering my husband’s thoughts because, again, I like my thoughts.

This becomes most apparent when there’s a big decision I feel like God is leading me to, but my husband doesn’t feel the same way. Then what? Is God really leading me in this way? Or is He not since my husband doesn’t feel the same way? But I’m still me, and he’s still him, even though we’re now one. It’s a mystery. My prayer is for us to grow in oneness as we grow closer to God.

Read part 2 of this post here.

For now, can you relate to either of these?

June 13, 2013
Are Mommy Bloggers Contributing to a Homemaker Culture of Perfectionism?

Just now I looked to see how my pages I “liked” on Facebook. I follow 396 pages. I’m actually embarrassed to admit that. That’s a lot of pages. Most of those pages are blog fan pages, and most of those blog fan pages are from the blogs of my friends.

I’m on Facebook a lot. Mainly because that is where the writing/blogging groups I’m in “meet” – they meet on Facebook. I actually read more blog posts from Facebook pages than I read from the blog site itself. Yes, I’m slightly addicted.

I love blogging and even more so writing. I love my blog friends. I love reading their posts. I love their ministries and businesses. They are really, really good at what they do, and they are doing a great job. They are providing for their families. They are raising up young moms through their instruction. They are helping marriages thrive.

But I’ve noticed a trend with bloggers – you may call them mommy bloggers because they mostly write on motherhood, homemaking, and marriage – and this is it: As a reader, I’m being dropped off at the ideal without being taken through the grace.

Are mommy bloggers contributing to a homemaker culture of perfectionism?

Image courtesy of koratmember/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The other day I painted my toenails for the first time since my baby was born – seven months ago. Not ten minutes later I was on Facebook and the question popped up, “Do you use toxin-free nail polish to paint your nails?” It was followed by a question on a separate blog fan page – “Do you use a dishwasher or wash your dishes by hand?”

Quite possibly it’s my own insecurity, but when I see a post about toxins in fingernail polish or asking whether I use a dishwasher, I want to throw my hands in the air and scream, “I give up! I’ll never be good enough!”

I think of the single woman who’s raising her children on her own or the woman who wants to be a full-time homemaker but her husband doesn’t agree or the one who’s single and just wants to be married. How are they feeling? Do they feel like they can’t measure up in this seemingly perfect homemaker culture?

I also wonder if there’s a back-story. Actually, I know there’s a back-story. I’ve lived long enough now to know that everyone, and I mean everyone, has a back-story because we’re all just that fallen. So what is it? What’s the back-story? I’m exposed to the ideal, but where is the grace?

I want to know about the grace.

The grace-filled story is where the power of Jesus lives. The power that changes perception and gives us truth – that only through Him are we ever enough.

I want to read about the woman who can’t afford toxin-free nail polish and doesn’t have time to wash dishes by hand – along with how to do these things. That’s what I want.

We write about how Pinterest and Facebook and Twitter and Instagram are all making us crazy with comparison and this perfect picture and how we feel like we won’t ever measure up. But are we as bloggers contributing to the problem?

And I could be just as much to blame. I don’t know what people think when they see a Facebook update from my blog fan page. But I hope they don’t perfection because perfection isn’t here. Perfection is no where near this broken-soul of a woman who each day realizes more and more and more and more that she is completely nothing without the Cross. Each day my life depends more than the previous on Jesus’s grace.

Grace to get up out of the bed in the morning after being up with my baby a few times during the night. Grace for when my husband’s pants for work aren’t washed by the time he needs them – again. Grace for ordering take out three nights in a week. Grace for the professional baby pictures we spent tons of money on that still aren’t hanging on the wall. Grace for not reading to my baby for the fourth day in a row when I’m the reading teacher – I know better!

In my world, it’s nothing but grace. So I want more of the grace – the real, the messy, the mistakes, the out-of-control, the humanness – along with the picture-perfect.

I want more of Jesus.

June 6, 2013
Embracing Your Gifts, Letting Go of Perfection

As a child I was raised by a master organizer. An A-type personality, if you will. I remember my childhood home so well. No shoes left on the floor downstairs. Every t-shirt neatly folded and placed in its assigned drawer. Even food had its own place in the refrigerator.

Then there was my bedroom. I was fortunate to have a mom with a “shut the door” policy. Even though the rest of the house knew no junk drawers, messes, or clutter, I was allowed to keep my room how I wanted it. When I was about eight years old I remember asking for permission to mess up my neatly folded drawers of clothes. My best friend didn’t have nice and neat dresser drawers, so I didn’t want them either. “Sure,” my mom said, “but I don’t know how you’ll keep anything free of wrinkles that way.”

That was my goal – to keep my life free of wrinkles like my mom. And I wanted to just as good at it as she was. However, that wasn’t me. That was the pseudo me.

Today I am featured at Encouragement Cafe Devotions talking about When Perfectionism Steals Your Identity. Read the rest of my story there and how I am overcoming an identity stolen by perfectionism.

May 31, 2013