Today is 5-Minute Friday when we write for five minutes on one specific word without listening to those critical voices. We write simply out of that creative spirit deep inside. Join me, Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama, and many other soul filled writers as we link up today for 5-Minute Fridays. Today’s word: Beyond
Six months ago the planning began. The anticipation started to mound. Boy or girl we did not know, but He knew all too well.
The big bed was moved. The crib was brought in. The rocker made its place by the window.
Ruminating over colors, names, and clothes, her identity began to take form.
Will she be passionate defending the least of these or will she quietly defend from afar? Will people give her energy or will solitude be her peace? Will words be her friends or numbers her allies? Will she ask to jump out of the tree or look up carefully from underneath?
My prayers make their way up to Heaven and she kicks reminding me, “Mommy, I am here.”
Beyond my thoughts of who I think she will be, I know, that she already is.
Her days are written, every one of them, beyond who I think she’ll become.
Beyond this place her purpose is complete – scripted right there from Heaven.
Going to that big box-store we all know about and some of us love is hard for me.
You know the one I’m talking about, right? The one with aisles and aisles of everything you could ever need in your life all in one place? The one in nearly every town all across the United States? Yeah, that one.
Well, personally I hate going there.
No, it’s not because of the narrow aisles, everyone bumping into everyone else, or only four open checkout lines out of fifteen, even though all of this is quite annoying.
It’s because this store makes me sad. It burdens me. When I drive into the parking lot I immediately see all that’s wrong with our country, our world, and my heart hurts.
Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Patrick Hoesley
Welcome to the life of the melancholy.
For hours I will sit and take those tests that explain me to myself. Personality tests, spiritual gifts tests, temperament tests. They give me proof for what I already know. It’s like they give me permission to be me.
“The melancholy tends to be an introvert in socialization, who looks at their home as a ‘sanctuary’ away from the world, who is task oriented, very creative, a perfectionist, and plagued with low self-esteem. Melancholy’s need ‘alone quiet time every day to think, dream, and regenerate.’ They also give the world its beauty, its great art and music, and literature. They tend to think deep and feel things intensely.”
Frankly, I cannot describe myself any more perfectly. That is me.
Since I can remember, my vision has been shaped by a broken mirror, not rose-colored glasses. I don’t see sunshine and rainbows, happiness and smiles. The water in my glass is not half full. I don’t think everything is going to work out in this life.
For me, death is easy to understand and heaven is more real than earth. So I don’t expect much from this place. I expect it to be what it is – fallen.
But deep down I know there is more. I know there is joy.
Truth tells me that God created me “fearfully and wonderfully”, and He knew what He was doing “full well” (Psalm 139:14).
So there has to some good that comes from having a melancholic mind, right?
After all, we are the realists who make sure that life is not just a party. We know the bottom line and communicate it. We keep the purpose of life legit.
The struggle for the melancholic Christian is seeing joy while looking through broken glass.
In Luke 10 Jesus sent His disciples out ahead of Him to spread His message. When they returned they were joyful because “even the demons obeyed them when they used Jesus’s name” (Luke 10:17).
As a melancholy I have a tendency to want to take out my swords and defeat the enemy.
When I feel like I’ve succeeded, then I, too, feel joyful.
Until I look through the broken glass again and see more armies to defeat. Then my melancholic mind sits back in its place.
And my joy is lost again.
Jesus responded to His disciples, “But don’t rejoice because evil spirits obey you; rejoice because your names are registered in heaven” (Luke 10:20).
Like I find myself, the disciples were joyful in their own accomplishment. But Jesus redirects them to the place where authentic joy is produced – hidden with the Holy Spirit.
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there.Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives” (Galatians 5:22-25 NLT).
When I walk into that big box-store, look around and see all that burdens me, I need to remember that my joy does not come from my ability to change this world.
My joy comes from my relationship with Jesus.
Have you taken a temperament quiz? Do you struggle with parts of your temperament?
Soon after we found out I was pregnant it started. Everyone I talked to had an opinion about something regarding pregnancy, childbirth, or child rearing. Some of these people have children. Some do not. Some have children who are grown.
A lot of times these opinions were unsolicited. And unfortunately they weren’t always encouraging.
Behind the comments I began to sense a tinge of fear within these women. Fear that maybe there’s a better way. Fear that maybe they’re not good moms. Fear that perhaps someone is better.
The fear was masked with the need to compare and then defend.
Today I am honored to be a guest writer at Joyful Mothering where I share more of my observation of the “Mommy Wars” and how I hope to guard my own heart from being a fighter in them. Will you join me there?
About once a week I write for my single friends based on my own experiences of life as a single woman. Today’s post comes from an email I received recently. She writes:
“I would like to see an article that addresses/opens conversation about what to do when you have feelings for someone (but are not dating and have no idea if he is interested in you). I have a history/struggle with developing feelings for a guy and thus far in my track record nothing ever comes out of it.”
Photo Credit: Creative Commons
Was this the story of my life, or what? I completely understand this reader’s dilemma. Sometimes no matter how hard you try to stop thinking about this man who you are sure is perfect and your dream-come-true, your mind takes you to the place of no return.
If only he would notice you, right?
It may be a stranger who you pass on the way to class or to get coffee at the office. It may be a guy “friend” in your same circle. Maybe he’s even the brother of one of your girlfriends. Regardless you are convinced that if only he would notice you the two of you would click perfectly, and the rest would be history.
For the most part these “mental crushes” are very typical of young (and even older) women. However, from my experience, they can get out of control quickly and become an ugly word – an obsession.
Now, I don’t mean to imply obsession like we hear about on TV or see in the media. I don’t mean some crazy type of obsession, even though these types, too, begin in the mind. I’m talking about subtle obsessions that no one even knows about. The kind that make it hard to concentrate, change your interests, and certainly affect your relationship with God.
Anything we do over and over again with even a tinge of anxiety can become an obsession. In this case what we’re doing over and over again is thinking – about him.
The Bible tells us to “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).
Our minds are very powerful. Everything that comes out of our hearts starts in our minds. In our minds we can create any reality that we want and actually start believing that it’s true. I think this is Satan’s most used and successful weapon.
We begin thinking about a man, going where we know he’ll be, trying to ‘accidentally’ run into him, and talking about him to all of our friends. This begins to affect our ability to be content, wise, and rational, and it conjures up in our minds a false reality.
“Well, he said, ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’. If he didn’t like me he wouldn’t have said anything at all”, or “He asked me what I’m doing for Christmas, so he must care about me”, or “He smiled at me when I passed him in the hall today, so maybe he was trying to get my attention”.
We analyze every word, every facial expression, every mannerism, and then think they mean something in our favor.
So what do we do about these mental crushes?
1. Put distance between you and the guy. I know this is not always possible, especially if you’re in a work situation or a situation you can’t control, but when you can control it, distance yourself from the crush. Don’t purposely find a seat on the row behind him or walk the same path you know he walks. For me, the more I was around the person, and the more I tried to manipulate the situation, the bigger my crush and the less peace I felt. And just as a side note, I am one of those people who firmly believes that adult men and women cannot be friends. If you are telling yourself that you are “just friends”, then I urge you to really reevaluate your motives.
2. Pray with pure intentions. Believe it or not, even our prayers can be tainted by the enemy’s ugly untruths. Pray that God honestly remove this crush from you. Don’t pray with the secret intention that He works it out and y’all end up together. Completely surrender it to Him knowing that because the guy has not asked you out, then God’s answer is obviously “no”. Could that change? Of course, but you have no evidence of that until something happens. And remember, you cannot manipulate God’s plan. Just let go of it completely.
3. Pray by asking, “God, what am I using this crush to replace in my life?” Obsessions in our minds feed us in some way. Otherwise, we wouldn’t keep coming back to them. Ask God to show you what it is that you are trying to get from this crush that you are not getting in your life and your relationship with Him. He may miraculously take the crush from you, but more often than not He is going to use it to teach you something about your relationship with Him. Is there something that you want to teach me? Something in my relationship with you? Something in my past? What do you want me to learn about you in this situation? How can I grow closer to you?
We think that these little mental crushes – or obsessions – magically disappear once we get married. But friends, I am here to tell you that they do not always. Just because you are married does not mean that you will automatically be immune from thoughts about other men. Now is the time to practice guarding our hearts by taking the advice in 1 Corinthians 10:5: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
How do you deal with mental crushes? What would you add to this list? If you’re married, what wisdom do you have to share today? Please join us in the comments!
Do you have a question about dating, relationships, or singleness? I would love to answer it here in another post! Email me at brenda{at}triplebraidedlife{dot}com!
I remember the day God told me to write my story down for others to read.
I was on the seventh floor of Duke University Medical Center. My husband laid beside me, sleeping, the television was on some daytime show, and I sat right there, in the chair that I had pulled up next to his bed so that I could touch him, with my laptop on my legs.
I started blogging when we got married, mainly for fun, but in May, on that day when things began to change, writing suddenly became what sustained my breath. Every day I would come home from teaching and write about what life was like with a husband who needed a heart transplant. He sat beside me as a I wrote.
God would bring into my mind memories of me writing as a child – like a gift I had suppressed for some reason. I remember writing a fiction story about a unicorn, but I did so in secret. I didn’t want anyone to read if for fear they might think it was dumb. I also wrote some poetry.
Briefly in college I contemplated majoring in English. Those were my favorite classes. Writing a twenty page paper was nothing – just don’t make me memorize a bunch of facts or do something crazy like math. But what would I do with an English degree, right? That’s what the voice in my head told me, so instead it became my minor. I majored in education.
The call to write wasn’t shocking to me – just to everyone else. For me it was coming home to a place inside myself where I was always supposed to be. Everyone else thought it was impractical and a big waste of time. Blogging was for people with too much time on their hands – people without “real jobs”.
I kept thinking about what if I never shared what God had done in my life over the past twenty years especially. What if no one ever heard the story He set into motion to show His provision, love, and redemption?
Suddenly keeping my story in seemed selfish.It would be like hoarding a scarce gift that everyone is ravenously searching for themselves.
So I kept writing.
This coming weekend I have the opportunity to attend the She Speaks conference for writers and speakers. The opportunity is a blessing that I feel humbled in receiving.
At this conference I will learn how to share my story better.
I will also have the opportunity to meet with three publishers and pitch a book that I have started writing about finding peace in the middle of faith and surrender – the story given to me in my days and nights in Duke University Hospital.
It is embarrassing for me to write that I’m pitching a book proposal to publishers. The voice in my head almost talked me out of the whole thing all together.
I keep reminding myself of the gift I’ve been given, His gift to me in the form of a story, that is not meant to be hoarded but meant to be shared.
Not all of us are called to write. Some of us hate to write, and that’s o.k.
But I want to argue that all of us are called to speak. I speak best when my words spills onto paper. You may speak best when your words spills out your tongue. Others may speak best when their words spill through their hands and into a masterpiece of creation.
Regardless, we are all called to speak our stories. Our stories are God’s gift to us to be shared, so that others may recognize their stories too.
Today I want to challenge you to speak your story. It doesn’t have to be in some fancy formal way, like in a book proposal. Speak it to your children, speak it to your parents, speak it to the cashier at the grocery store. Just speak it.
Your story might be just want saves someone else from never knowing theirs.(<-Tweet This)
How do you “speak your story” to others? If you don’t feel like you do this, how can you this week?
So you’re on either side of the fence: a girl’s date should pay on a date or a girl should pay on a date.
Yes, a man should absolutely pay when he takes a girl on a date! He has to show that she is worth something to him!
or
No, a man should not be obligated to pay at all! Women are quite capable of making their own money and paying for themselves!
The side you are on is no doubt influenced by the geographical location in which you grew up and that may indicate how you were taught to think about these type issues.
Can you guess where I’m from?
You bet! Born and raised in the south. I fit the stereotype so well, don’t I?
I do think that a man should pay when he takes a woman on a date.
However, I don’t think it’s some hard, fast rule! Apart from the “rules” in the Bible, the rest is left up for each of us to discern on our own.
Here is the reason a girl’s date should pay:
A dating relationship is not marriage, even though many dating relationships try to operate like marriages. So a dating relationship should not be designed under the covenant guidelines outlined in the Bible: Ephesians 5:21-33.
Basically, a woman does not submit to her boyfriend, and a boyfriend does not submit to his girlfriend.
Submissiveness is designed for marriage.
So how can you be assured if the guy you are dating is going to uphold his part in the verses of Ephesians 5 after marriage?
How do you know he will be a leader?
How do you know he will provide for your family?
How do you know he will put you above all else?
One way is to look for evidence of these behaviors in a dating relationship. No, he is not obligated to do any of the above actions while dating, and there should be boundaries in how much of the above he does so that both of you can guard your hearts. (For instance, it is not healthy for him to pay your bills and be involved in making big decisions or put you before his family.)
But he can show these qualities in the little things – like paying for dates.
This makes you feel special and a priority to him. It shows that he is willing to invest in you by providing for you in some way. And it puts him in a leadership role.
Now does that mean that he should pay for every single date especially after an extended time of dating and courtship?
Probably not. You can also show him evidence of the wife you will be in marriage, as well, by helping him, putting him first, and paying sometimes.
But overall, it is wise for the man to pay on dates.
Where are you on this issue? Do you think men should pay on dates?
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