Brenda Rodgers

Author: Brenda Rodgers

  • Do Single Women Need to “Woman Up”?

    Last week I read an article on Kyria’s Culture Blog entitled “Why Young Men Aren’t Manning Up?”  The article discusses the reasons why men now-a-days seem to have a prolonged state of adolescence and refuse to “Man Up” while all the women sit around wondering where all the good men have gone – as if they are mature, adult women ready for responsibility and family and “womaning up” at age 22, I will add.  And it got me asking myself,

    At 22 years of age, did I “woman up”?

    Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Victoria Garcia

    Around this age a lot of women (I would really say most women) begin to think about marriage.  If it wasn’t on the radar before, then it is now.  There is a heightened awareness for the need to find a husband.  I have found this to be true for the career-minded, want-to-conquer-the-world woman and the woman who’s desire is to be a homemaker.  It doesn’t matter.  I was determined to get my Master’s degree before getting married, so I went into the Master’s program a year after college, but that does not mean that I was not keenly aware of the fact that I better start looking.  Because there was that underlying sense – that ever small fear – that I might just end up alone.  So I started looking. 

    But was I really ready?   

    At 35 years old I still envy strong, young Christian couples who are firm in their faith, secure in their roles as men and women, and commit to marriage out of sacrificial love for one another because that was not me. And I suspect that even though the majority of women think they are ready for marriage and desire marriage at an early age, it is not them either – truly. 

    After being married for only three and half years, I can tell you the one thing I learned only two short weeks in: Marriage is a daily laying down of your life for another person – every day, day in and day out, selflessly. 

    At 22 years old (and even years beyond), I was not concerned about laying down my life for anyone.  I was concerned about being lonely, having someone share the work load, wanting children, fulfilling my desire to be a homemaker, the wedding I had been planning for years, and decorating a home.  My mind was filled with everything that would make me more content and secure and happy.

    Not once did I think about uniting with someone to become more like Christ or creating a legacy for future generations or being used to fulfill a greater purpose in another person’s life. 

    With this mindset did I help the men I dated to “man up”, or did I just assist them in staying 22?

    First of all, I didn’t give them a reason to want to “man up” as is mentioned in Jonathan Sprowl’s article.  The expectations I had for a man were way above anything he could live up to because most of the time I was asking him to fill a void in my heart that only God can fill.  My expectations were for him to fulfill the fairy tale not a calling.

    If a man I was dating was not ready to pursue me like a man is supposed to, that was o.k. I would help him along by calling just one more time at night or reminding him that Valentine’s Day is coming up or sending him an email just to say “hey” in the middle of the day.  I made it easy for him believing myself that I was not worth the work of pursuing.

    My world became wrapped up in this other person – to the point of idolatry – and I became easily accessible.  I let go of my interests and friends to keep this man close by.  Life was easy for him.  He had me when he wanted me and when he did not he could let me go knowing that I would be there waiting when he was ready for me again. 

    All of this kept him from having to be a man. He didn’t have to pursue and fight and conquer to win his princess.  He already had her. 

    So he stayed 22.  And I stayed 22, too.  He suffered from no need to “man up”, and I allowed not “womaning up” to sabotage my true desires. 

    It is easy for me to think back and get angry at the men I dated not “manning up”.  But what if I had been a different woman?  Well, either they would have gone on their way without me, leaving me with some emotional pain, no doubt, but as the woman God called me to be – a woman of integrity, sold out in surrender to Him, or they might, just might, have been persuaded to “man up”. 

    We can’t point fingers at our fellow brothers in Christ until we first examine ourselves. 

    Are there areas that you need to “woman up”?
    May I encourage you to first “delight in the Lord”. 
    Pursue Him above all else. 
    This is the ultimate “womaning up”.

    I want to know what you want to know! Please answer the poll question below:


  • When Do You Become Pretty?

    The truth came out when I was about twelve years old.  My mom thought I was an ugly baby.  Well, at the time she didn’t.  At the time she thought I was the most beautiful baby that ever was born – of course – just like moms are supposed to think.

    But when I was twelve she said to me, “I didn’t think so at the time, but now when I look back at pictures I think to myself, ‘She really was an ugly baby!’”

    It truly didn’t offend me.  I don’t know why because if she told me I was an ugly teenager I would have lost my mind.  I guess I felt like I had no control over being a pretty baby.  But a teenager?  Much time, effort, and fretting was spent being pretty then.

    But when did I really become pretty?

    Was it the day I was born?

    Did I become pretty after trying hard to look that way?

    Was it when my mom told me I was pretty or when she truly thought of me as pretty? 

    Or maybe it’s that year I lost a little bit of weight and boys started talking to me?

    Was that when I became pretty?

    For years pretty did not look back at me when I glanced in the mirror.  Frizzy hair. Flabby arms. Oil slick skin. Wide calves. Last year’s clothes. Or the never changing barely 60 inches.  It was always something.

    Then there was that one day that I caught my reflection as I walked by the mirror.  I did a double-take, glancing again.

    Pretty was staring back at me. 

    Did my mom change her mind and realize that I truly was a pretty baby?  Had I tried harder that morning and succeeded at being pretty that day?  Or somewhere out there were there boys that were daydreaming about my beauty?

    The day I became pretty was the day I saw myself that way. 

    Nothing had changed on the outside. It was my mind that chose to see differently.  I began to see the creation that was woven so intricately together, thread after thread.  And I began to honor the Creator.

    You see, a creation is-what-it-is.  We cannot not add value to it or take it away.  It’s only how the person chooses to see it that makes it something different.

    You are a valuable creation whose worth has been set.

    Today choose to see yourself as pretty.
    How do those words leave you feeling? 

    Triple Braided is a ministry for single women to bring peace and wisdom
    while preparing for marriage and living a life surrendered to God.
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  • And the Winners . . .

    of Jeff Goins two eBooks Every Writer’s Dream and Before Your First Book are . . .
    Katy and Corrine!! 
    Yay!!  
    But don’t worry!  You, too, can purchase both of these eBooks for only $4.99!!  Just click on Jeff Goins site!
    Thank you so much for your comments about purpose and for entering the giveaway!  I pray that as we each follow our purpose for our life, God will lead us to tell our stories in writing and/or speaking, but definitely through action!
    Have a great weekend!!

  • When Compassion Came to Life :: Burkina Faso :: Day 5

    We had only just started sponsoring her.  I had written her a few times, and she had written me back once.  But this was the day that I looked forward to most – the day I would see her with my own eyes.  Not just in a brochure telling me her name and her daily chores and her literacy level.  But see her in person and touch her and look into those eyes. 

    She is my connection to Burkina Faso.  I would go home, and she would stay, but it is through her that a part of me would come back every so often through my letters and the gifts I send with other teams who travel there from our church. She is my one person.  My one person who was appointed to me to hopefully make a difference.  A continual, ongoing difference, past the thirty minutes I spend with her here on day five of my trip. 

    I couldn’t wait to meet her.

    That morning we walked over the Compassion site.  The place where the children gather on Thursdays to learn etiquette and hygiene and Jesus.  There were so many children.  I carried the brochure in my hand, and her picture was right on the front.  The children would look down at it, and I would hold it up.  We couldn’t communicate, but they knew I was looking for her, and she was mine. 

    That day she had a big test at school, a test that would determine whether she goes on to the next level or not.  See, I chose her because of her age.  She is thirteen years old.  I knew that the little ones are often chosen, but I wanted to give an older child a chance before she turned eighteen.  So I chose her.   In her country going to school, even public school, is a luxury.  Only the brightest and the most fortunate are blessed with an education.  Today she was working on that chance, and she was not planning to come to Compassion.

    But I had to see her.  I couldn’t come all that way without laying my eyes on her. 

    The big pink bag was stuffed full for her.  Construction paper, markers, post-it notes, a notebook, a necklace, hair bows, a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, and the skirts and t-shirts I had brought for myself to wear.  Along with a bag of rice for her family. 

    They told me they would have to go and get her on the moped. 

    So I waited.

    It wasn’t until late in the afternoon that the moped drove up with her on the back. 

    Children were all around me when she drove up. I broke away from the crowd and started walking toward the moped. They knew she was the one I had come to see. 

    And tears streamed down from my eyes.  There she was – the teenage girl on the cover of the brochure that I sat in the church office and picked out from a pile of many.  She was mine. My Compassion child. 

    We walked into the Compassion offices so that we could be alone and talk.  My words were translated, and she was mostly quiet.  I gave her all that I had brought her, and I told her that I prayed for her every day.

    Compassion came alive for me that day. 

    A few nights later – the night before we left – the missionaries had some Congo dancers come out and perform as an ministry outreach for the village.  As I walked to the school cafeteria to see the performance, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  It was very dark, and I could not see.  The voice said, “Blandine”. And it was her.  She reached out her hand, and I shook it.  She was wearing the pink t-shirt that I had given her, and that I had worn a few days before. 

    I saw her again that night for the last time in person.

    Each day as I pray for Blandine as I picture her in my mind – in her village, at the Compassion site, with her family.  She is a part of me.  And in some small way I pray that I am a part of her, and through my prayers Jesus grows to become the most important person in her life. 

    I realize that I had a rare and blessed opportunity to meet the Compassion child we sponsor.  Not everyone has that opportunity.  But I want to urge you to prayerfully consider sponsoring a child through Compassion International.  I have been to their facilities in Burkina Faso, and met some of the workers there.  This is an organization that is led by the Lord to provide education, medical care, and spiritual development to children all over the world.  It is an organization that is making a difference for eternity. 
    Sponsor a Child in Jesus Name with Compassion

  • When You Know, But Ignore

    Last week I had to make a difficult phone call.  A phone call that may tarnish my reputation and make me seem unreliable and untrustworthy.  I had to break a commitment after only three days of keeping it.  My decision affected several people and caused some more work and more trouble.  But I know I had to do it.  I know I had to do it because God had told me not to make the commitment in the first place.  I used my logic instead of my faith, and I went against what he told me. 

    Now I was reaping the consequences.  
    Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Billy Brown
    I picked up the phone bracing myself for what I deserved – my supervisor on the other end telling me how disappointed she was in me and how much added upheaval this would cause everyone involved. I knew she would be right.  If that’s what I heard, then that’s what I deserved because it was true.  I knew better before I ever began.
    “I am really sorry to tell you this, but I have made a huge mistake.  I am not going to be able to continue teaching this class.  I will help you in any way possible to make the necessary adjustments, and again I am really sorry.” 
    With each word that came out of my mouth I felt ashamed and yet relieved at the same time.  
    For months now I have struggled with God’s true purpose for me – what he truly called me to do in this season of my life and who he truly made me to be.  I have written a mission statement.  I have prayed.  I have sought counseling of pastors and friends.  I have cried out in prayer.  
    And yet I still struggle.  I still struggle with choosing his best between two goods.  
    See, the teaching job I agreed to back in December was not sinful.  It did not go against God’s Word. It would help our household income – obviously.  It might open up some doors.
    But open up doors to what?  To what God wants to do with my life or to what seems logically to me?   
    Back in December I didn’t cover this decision in prayer.  I didn’t seek God’s voice wholeheartedly. Instead I just glossed over it and did what I thought I needed to do.  But in the back in my mind, and in the pit of my chest, his ever so quiet voice sat.  And it just sat – not yelling, not moving – just muttering and poking ever so slightly.  
    I knew what he was saying.
    The choice to take the teaching job wasn’t bad in itself.  But for me it wasn’t God’s best.  It’s not how he wants me spending my time.  It does not fulfill who he created me to be and what he created me to accomplish.  I don’t know exactly how he wants me to spend that extra time two nights a week, but I have some ideas.  And I am trusting him to show me.
    So what did my supervisor say on the other side of the phone conversation?  She told me she understood.  She told me it’s o.k.  She told me that she would still like to keep in touch.
    I don’t deserve these words.  I deserve to be reprimanded.
    It’s a perfect example of God’s grace and mercy upon me.  He knew I was disobedient.  He knew I went against his promptings.  And yet he showered me with grace and mercy.  
    All I could do was thank him.  And tell him that I want to be quick to listen to him next time even if it’s not logical to me.  I asked him to help me to be faithful even when I can’t see. 
    What makes his grace and mercy even sweeter is that this wasn’t the first time I ignored him.  He is so patient with me. 
    Have you ever had to go back on a commitment knowing it was wrong for you in the first place?

  • Are You Betting on This Being the Year?

    As January gets on it’s way do you have the thought lingering there in your mind, the thought you don’t want to say out loud for fear of jinxing it, but you just can’t help wonder – sometimes to obsession? 
    The thought, “What if this is the year . . . I meet him?”

    Him. The One. The One who meets 95% of the requirements on your “must-haves” list and is the twin of the man in your mind who you’ve been secretly designing for years. The One who takes you on a first date that begins a family legacy talked about for generations. The One who makes you say, “He’s the one. I just know it. I can’t explain it, but I just know it.” The One who will be there next Christmas and New Year’s. The One who will cause your life to begin.

    In an effort to meet the One you eagerly start off the new year attending every social event possible. Volunteering for every service project available. All the while scanning every room you walk into just in case he might be there.

    This thought dominated my mind as a new year began each year. I felt excited at the possibility that this could be the year, but then terrified at the thought that it might not be, and I would conclude another year with my deepest desire left there for me to carry into one more new year of life without a husband.

    There is nothing wrong with dreaming about the wonderful possibilities that a new year can bring. In many ways this is a key to our motivation to make our lives new and different and maybe better.

    But it becomes debilitating when we take our dreams and hold onto them too tight, as our own, manipulating them into a world that doesn’t yet exist and betting on a world that has yet to be made.  We start making decisions based upon what’s not real. Our mind is stuck in all the “what ifs” instead of firmly planted in the purpose for right now. Before we know it our “what-ifs” start to look like the right now, and we are blinded to reality. 
    Maybe you want to buy a house or go on a mission trip or go into the mission field full-time. Maybe it’s changing jobs or moving up in your job or just moving in general. Maybe it’s buying new furniture or redecorating or going back to school.

    Whatever it is that God has laid in your mind and on your heart, make decisions about those possibilities not based on whether this is the year you meet your future husband or not, but based on whether it is God’s plan for you this year, at this time in your life. Many opportunities are lost when we think we know better than God and try to manipulate our circumstances to make our year unfold the way we dream of it unfolding. 

    Betting on your future will cost you.

    It costed me.

    It costed me opportunities and possibilities.  It costed me my true purpose.  It costed me time. It costed me peace. 

    Whatever God is leading you to do – do it – without considering dreams that are not yet yours.  Don’t bet on what might be tomorrow.  Because then you won’t have today to take with you. 

    Is it hard to live in the present without betting on the “what ifs” of your dreams?
    Triple Braided is a ministry for single women to bring peace and wisdom
    while preparing for marriage and living a life surrendered to God. 
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    I would love to hear your thoughts!