I wrote this post, and it turned out to be over 1000 words! So I’m splitting it into two parts. This Saturday my husband and I will celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary. Here’s part one of 5 things I’ve learned in 5 years of marriage.

Marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve made that statement more times than I can count over the past five years. My first reality check was two weeks after John and I got married. I sat in an Extended Stay hotel where we were living after our move to a new state and before we bought our house. It was our first fight – over coffee – and right then I knew this was going to be harder than I thought.

Our newlywed marriage has been atypical compared to most people’s. We’ve lived a lifetime in these five short years with moving away from our hometowns for the first time in our lives, to enduring chronic illness and a heart transplant, and now to watching our baby girl being born. It’s been a ride with a fairy tale continuing, but not a smooth one. Each of us have wanted off the ride a time or two or three. But we keep going and growing and learning. And knowing that this is the stuff eternity is made of.

Without Jesus, I have no hope.

The statistics on divorce are shocking, no doubt, but now after being married, and reading that fewer and fewer people have relationships with Jesus, I’m actually surprised it’s not much higher. Without Jesus I might of well have asked for divorce papers along with signing the marriage certificate. There is no hope for my marriage without Him. Nothing has kept me on my knees like marriage has. Now, our baby is only seven months old, and motherhood may prove to be a more enduring test, but as it stands, marriage has rocked my world. If I told you there have not been day(s) that I did not ask myself, “What did I get myself into?” I’d be lying. In myself I’ve wanted to jump ship, forget, pretend it was a big, bad mistake.

But then there is Jesus. My marriage wasn’t a haphazard ceremony where I showed off a pretty dress and pink flowers. No, it was a divine appointment. One I will never fully understand as I breathe here on this earth, but nevertheless I must trust the whole thing is not about me at all. To make it about me is too much pressure. It’s about something eternal. The eternal is worth holding onto. So I’m holding on.

Marriage being a mystery is an understatement.

God said that in marriage two become one flesh and this is a mystery. For me, that’s an understatement. If you do marriage as one – like with one bank account, one vision of your future, and one way of raising your kids – things get a little dicey since you still have two brains. We’re not one, but we are one. It’s weird.

This has been the hardest part of marriage for me.

Two becoming one flesh is essentially a dying to yourself. Surrendering. Everyday. Again. And again. And again.

I’m not talking like you lose your identity, you no longer get to do things you like to do, you’re not free to be yourself or voice your opinion – all those silly things unknowing people in the world tell us about Biblical marriage.

I’m talking about dying to yourself by considering someone else before yourself. I don’t like dying to myself because I pretty much like my own way. I like my ideas. I think I’m right most of the time. I don’t like considering my husband’s thoughts because, again, I like my thoughts.

This becomes most apparent when there’s a big decision I feel like God is leading me to, but my husband doesn’t feel the same way. Then what? Is God really leading me in this way? Or is He not since my husband doesn’t feel the same way? But I’m still me, and he’s still him, even though we’re now one. It’s a mystery. My prayer is for us to grow in oneness as we grow closer to God.

Read part 2 of this post here.

For now, can you relate to either of these?

My first argument about the whole working moms vs. stay-at-home-moms debate took place with my best friend. We were sixteen years old. Yes, you read that right – 16. I still remember it vividly. We were driving down the road together (obviously one our first driving experiences), and we got into this argument about whether or not we wanted to stay-at-home with our children one day.

I grew up in a household where staying at home with your children before they were in school was not really a question. Moms just did it. My mom stayed at home with my brother and me until we were in school. Then she worked part-time and eventually went back to work full-time. All of my friends’ moms did the same thing.

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I don’t know what it’s like at your house in the fall, but at my house fall is more than a season. It’s a time of year that brings with it a series of traditions including college football.

Before I was married I liked going to college football games, especially University of Georgia football games. But it wasn’t until after I got married that they became a part of my life every. single. weekend. My husband not just likes University of Georgia football. He likes all college football.

I quickly learned that I had a choice when it came to football and my marriage, and I remembered this advice I received many, many years earlier when I was a single woman.

Join me over at Intentional by Grace as I share with you “The Best Advice I Received about Being Married”.