Brenda Rodgers

Category: friendship

  • When You Get Friendship Dumped {And a Review and Giveaway}

    Recently I’ve been friendship dumped.

    I don’t know the reason. I don’t know the cause. I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know what happened.

    All I know is that I had a baby. And things changed.

    Some of my closest friends called once, and never called again. Visited once, and never visited again. Didn’t ask how my baby was doing or how I was doing with no sleep, emotions flying high, and still trying to keep up with day-to-day life. They didn’t text. Didn’t like pictures on Facebook. Just didn’t . . . do anything.

    One of my pet-peeves is passive-aggressive behavior. The silent treatment doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t understand it. “Just say-it-already” is my motto. But they haven’t said it.

    Then again, I haven’t either.

    I’ve thought about being blunt and asking, “What’s going on?”, but secretly I think I know the answer, and it’s nothing I can fix. And I’m pretty sure I know the response. “Nothing. What do you mean? I’m busy, too. Just because you have a baby doesn’t mean you’re now special.”

    No, but it does mean that for this season, since this tiny new life moved into our home, I need you to be my friend. And maybe just a smidgen more of you than normal.

    Why-Cant-We-Just-Get-Along-e1374159736539

    During this time of being friendship dumped, I was given a book called Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?: 6 Effective Skills for Dealing with Difficult People by Shelley Hendrix.

    Oh. My. Goodness.

    I had never read a Christian book written primarily on female friendships, but, to be honest, I thought it would include the same advice given to me since middle school – don’t gossip, don’t act snooty, treat people nicely.

    However, it was nothing like I thought.

    Shelley starts the book not by focusing on how to fix all the relationships in our lives, but by turning the issues inward and focusing on ourselves as image bearers of Jesus. She doesn’t use canned answers from pop-psychology, but she takes God’s Word and unfolds it so that we can see how what we believe about God and ourselves affects how we respond or react in relationships.

    Shelley says, “When you know who you are, you’ll know what to do. When we don’t know who we are, we spend our time, energy, and resources trying to ‘fix’ the people and circumstances in our lives. We shift blame, we manipulate, we pout, we make concessions. Knowing who we are frees us from this damaging cycle and frees us to be fulfilled and active participants in the Body of Christ.” p. 28

    By starting with myself and Jesus, I reflected on my own friendship problems in a new light. Instead of staying in bitterness quicksand, I focused on the one person I can change and the one person I am responsible for fulfilling God’s call – myself.

    Shelley goes on in her book to unpack six effective skills to use when dealing with difficult people. Again, each of them were straight from God’s Word.

    This is where I gained new perspective.

    Yes, I have been very hurt by several friendships recently. I can get really angry about them if I think about them long enough. However, there’s nothing I can do to change another person – to heal her, change her opinion, or make her see circumstances my way.

    All I can do is be the friend I want her to be to me.

    So that’s what I’ve done. In the past few weeks, I have tried to be more intentional in my friendships to be supportive, encouraging, and prayerful. I’ve tried to ask my friends what they need help with, and I’ve tried to reach out to them more instead of waiting for them to come to me.

    To be honest, it hasn’t always been reciprocated, but as Shelley’s book has shown me, I don’t answer to my friends, I answer to God. And He wants to me to live friendships like He would live them.

    I am BEYOND THRILLED to be giving away one free copy of Shelley Hendrix’s book What Can’t We All Just Get Along? because I believe in this book so much! EVERY WOMAN NEEDS THIS BOOK! I don’t say that about every book, but I mean those words without any hesitation.

    This book is jammed pack of Biblical insights to help us live our friendships the way God intends. There is so much Biblical truth in it, and you can even use it as a personal or group Bible study!

    Now share with us, what’s your biggest struggle in female friendships?

    a Rafflecopter giveaway

  • An Amazing Friend with an Amazing Vision

    It was the middle of summer last year when I first met this woman who I call amazing. In reality I’ve never actually met her – only talked to her a couple of few hours on the phone and over email many, many times.

    But even though our eyes have never locked, our spirits certainly have, and there is no doubt I’ve met her there.

    The first time we talked on the phone she spoke a mile a minute. I couldn’t quite tell if it was because I was sitting in my living room in the deep south where everything is slow including our talk, or if she was just really, really excited.

    Come to find out it was the latter. And more than her being excited she was filled with a vision from the Holy Spirit. When the Holy Spirit gives you a vision He starts to talk for you.. It’s hard to make God slow down with something this big.

    She shared with me that day her vision to bring the stories we all share as women – our legacies – to each other as a place to know that we are not alone, we can be healed by the power of God in our lives, and God has a plan. She wanted her story of God’s redemptive power to be known, and she wanted to give other women the same opportunity to share their stories. In order to do this God told her to start a conference for women – now called Legacy: Seasons of Beauty – and so she did.

    Jennifer Wagenmaker is my friend’s name. She is amazing because she listened to God’s voice and leading and with boldness and courage set out in obedience to accomplish a vision He gave her.

    Since that time, Jen,and the co-founder of Legacy, Tana, have organized several “Mini Legacy Nights” where women have come together to worship and hear powerful testimonies.

    And October 12-13, 2012 Legacy will host its first women’s conference at the Holiday Inn in Muskegon, MI. Find out all the details on the Legacy website!

    I invite you to get to know the ladies behind the Legacy Conference. If you live in the Muskegon, MI area, come to a Mini Legacy Night, and make plans to attend the Legacy: Seasons of Beauty women’s conference in October.

    I am blessed to have met Jen on that hot summer day when the Holy Spirit took over her voice and her heart as she shared with me her vision, and I know that you will be blessed by meeting her too!

    Do you live in the Muskegon, MI area?

    Find out more about Legacy: Seasons as Beauty by visiting their website.  And if you don’t live in the area, follow Legacy on Facebook to keep up with all that God is doing in this ministry!

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