Brenda Rodgers

Category: Faith

  • My Decision to Quit {Get Off the Ferris Wheel} – Again

    I felt like I was on a ferris wheel that never stopped going around and around and around. 

    Or like the famous movie quote that my husband likes to say to me a lot, “Look, kids, there’s Big Ben!” 

    Or even more embarrassingly like that disgusting Proverb, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness” (Proverbs 26:11).

    By the middle of my third year I knew something was wrong.  I knew it wasn’t for me.  It was like fine grit sandpaper beginning to slowly rub against my soul.

    But I used to design my classroom in my mind when I was a little girl.  I used to collect old textbooks that my teachers were throwing away so that I could teach my dolls everything I was learning.  Wasn’t that sure enough of a sign?  Wasn’t that God showing me what He meant for me to do?

    I got off the ferris wheel once before.  It was fun.  It was exciting.  Getting on planes every week flying all over the country teaching adults instead of kids.

    Except that the sandpaper didn’t go away. It still rubbed against my soul – the fine grit replaced with a medium grit.  What I wanted I could not have yet.  What my soul truly desires what not mine to have. 

    In desperation I returned to my vomit, and the cycle started over again.  The sandpaper rubbed harder and deeper, now with a course grit that after twelve years was leaving a mark, a hole, on my soul.  The person God intended me to be I was not.  I was bitter, angry, resentful.  I saw the world for all of its ugliness instead of all its blessings.  I did not even recognize myself in the mirror.

    So recently He told me it was time to get off the ferris wheel. 

    But . . . but . . . but . . .

    I still don’t know!  What did you design me to do?  I have two degrees in education!  What about my husband?  What if he doesn’t support me?  What if I can’t do it?  What if I fail? What if I get back on?

    Just get off.  That’s all you have to do.  I am telling you it is time to get off.  Let me take care of the rest.  Are you going to trust me?

    So I got off the ferris wheel.

    Just last night someone asked me, “So why did you resign?”

    I still don’t know how to answer that question.  It is so complex.  But what it comes down to is that God told me to get off the ferris wheel, and I am trusting Him.

  • Independence – Without Strings

    One of God’s greatest gifts is the gift of choice – the gift of freedom – that He gave us from the beginning.

    “The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden—except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.” Genesis 2:15-17 (NLT)

    Even Jesus was given the gift of freedom.

    “The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.” John 10:17-18 (NIV)

    Although the capability of every choice I make ultimately comes down to God’s provision, sometimes my choices give God more opportunity to show His blessing upon me.

    “Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster. For I command you this day to love the Lord your God and to keep his commands, decrees, and regulations by walking in his ways. If you do this, you will live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you and the land you are about to enter and occupy.” Deuteronomy 30:15-16 (NLT)

    Except for the blessing of living in the United States of America. This blessing has nothing to do with my choices.

    It is by pure grace and mercy upon me that God chose for me to be born here – here – in America – the Land of the Free – the Home of the Brave – here.

    Right now I could be one of these little girls in India enslaved and forced into the sex trafficking trade (As Our Own). I could be one of these children in Africa or Guatemala or Indonesia who live in poverty (Compassion). Or I could be a woman in Burkina Faso, the third poorest country in the world, with no clean water to drink (Engage Burkina).

    But no. God blessed me with The United States. A place where I can live in peace. A place where I am treated with human worth. A place where I can dream without seemingly impossible obstacles to overcome first. A place where God’s original gift of freedom is realized.

    There is nothing I did or do to deserve it. It is the blessing of Independence with no strings attached to me – just to God.

    Thank you, God, for the blessing of this country, The United States of America, and for every man, woman, and child who went before me to give me my freedom, and for every man, woman, and child who right now is sacrificing their peace, their security, and their families for me. I know that “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required (Luke 12:48). Please help me, O Lord, to never take for grated this country or my independence. Help me to use your blessing to your glory. Amen.

  • The Third Braid

    Only wrapped around the third braid is my heart at rest. I tried it with two, and sometimes still do, but I always go back to that third braid.

    See, with only two the grip is loose. Where is the other braid? I can’t feel it at all. There is room for movement. There is room for me to get away.

    Wrapped around the third I am held tight. I feel the other two braids around me – overlapped – criss-cross, criss-cross – to a place of no separation.

    The grip on my soul – I cannot break away! By His mercy and grace He keeps holding me, choosing me. I start to get scared! I start to push back – both braids – so that only I am left!

    But He pulls even tighter holding me close to Him and the others.

    He chooses me once more. Has mercy on me once more. Shows me the Cross once more.

    Peace. Comfort. Security. Acceptance. Love.

    Wrapped around the third braid – that’s where I find it.

  • She Looked Perfect . . .

    She caught my eye as I turned the corner of the 40% off rectangular rack of pants – size 0, size 2, size 4, size 6, size 8 – on and on they wrapped around as I followed trying to get another glimpse between the hanging rows without her seeing me.

    She was petite and short – like me.  She had dark brown hair – like me.  She was wearing a baseball cap – like me.

    But envy still rolled over my body starting at the top of my head, going down over my shoulders, through my arms, into my stomach, and throughout my legs.

    The urge to turn and stare was overwhelming.  I could barely help myself.  I turned one more time just to get one last glimpse, one last mental snapshot to etch in my mind – one last chance to compare.

    My mind started racing, “That’s what I want to look like! Look at her arms! Look at her legs!  She is so cute!  She is so little!  Why can’t I be as skinny as she is?  Why can’t I look like that?”

    She looked perfect . . .

    Then it came – the gentle prick to my heart.  It was His prick.  The prick I know all too often.

    Brenda, do you not know how perfect you are to me?  I created you.  I designed you.  I gave you legs that are healthy and arms that help me.  I do not want you to envy others.  That is a sin.  Envy will rot your body, and create confusion and evil.  And you are a new creation in Me.  So turn from envy and be thankful in all things I have given you including your body.  
    I walked slowly out the door, no bags in my hands, but aware of the legs that were carrying me. Whatever the purposes God has for me, He needs this body to accomplish them.  And only this body can do the job.
    How does envy affect you and how does God teach you through it?

  • Head Knowing vs. Heart Feeling

    I sat across from our pastoral counselor giving all the right answers. I knew the depth of God’s love for me. I knew that I was formed in a fearful and wonderful way. I knew that God never will leave me nor forsake me. I knew that God has a divine plan for my life. I knew that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I knew that I was forgiven.

    I could regurgitate Christian truth like I was regurgitating what I did yesterday. I sounded like an emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy Christian.

    Except there was a gap. I knew all of these things, but I did not feel them.

    I sat there with this battle going on inside of me. I know all the answers, so why can’t I feel them? Why can’t I live them? Why aren’t they a part of me?

     “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” John 10:10

    Where is the abundant life? Am I spiritually healthy?

    This is when I realized that my relationship with Jesus is a head relationship more than it is a heart relationship.

    My spiritual health cannot be measured by what I know. It can only be measured by taking what I know and through the pathway of my heart looking at my production of Godly fruit.
    I began to break down the process of taking what I know about God’s Word and making it a part of who I am – my core being – so that my life reflects it. The more I read, reread, study, and meditate on God’s Word, the more I know about it. But how does the comprehension – becoming part of the text and the text becoming part of me – take place? I know from being a reading teacher that one key component of comprehending text is the ability to make a connection to it based on previous knowledge or experiences. This is true for comprehending scripture as well.

    Over time what I learn in the Bible and what I experience in life begin to reflect each other. No longer are my knowledge and my experiences isolated. I begin to look for God’s Word in my daily life, and I begin to look for my daily life when reading God’s Word. They are one in the same impacting each other and affecting each other so that I am one with the Word of God and the Word of God is one with me. (Hebrews 4:12)

    That is when I feel the abundant life.

    The abundant life becomes heart feeling and not just head knowing when I allow the Word of God to infiltrate every aspect of my being, working together to create the fruit God has purposed for me.

    What about your relationship with God? Is it more of a head relationship or a heart relationship?

  • Mark Richt is Weird!

    Mark Richt is weird.  I want to be weird, too.

    That is weird in the God way.

    Recently I heard about this new book called Weird: Because Normal Isn’t Working by Pastor Craig Groeschel, but had not read it or heard too much about it.  Then I watched a few video clips on Lysa TerKeurst’s blog featuring Craig Groeschel.  Shortly after that my friend, Laura, told me about his sermon series entitled “Weird” and how it was a must hear.  After that I had to find out more.  So for the next several days I listened to my IPod every chance I got to learn how to become “Weird”.  The longer I listened the weirder I wanted to become and the more secure I became in the ways that I am already considered weird.  I talked about being weird so much that my husband never wanted to hear the word again.
    “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you.”
    John 15: 18-19

    This morning as I was reading through Twitter I saw this article about Mark Richt, the head coach of our beloved Georgia Bulldogs football team, and I was inspired to become weird all over again.  In this article, Mark Richt talks about his decision to sell his second home on the lake to use his money for “eternal things”.  From the perspective of the world that is definitely weird.

    Of course some will say that it is to make a decision like that when you have so much money to begin with, but as Christians we know that actually the opposite is true.  The more we have the harder it is to trust God by giving it away.  The more we give away the more we are entrusting to God.  And ultimately the harder it is to be weird in a God way.
    This is not just true of money.  It is also true of all our resources – our time, our intellect, our thoughts.  The more I have of me – what I want, what I think – the less I have of God.  I put myself in God’s place which only leads to unrest.
    “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
    Romans 12:2
    As Christians we also know where the source of our peace comes from – the kind of peace that others wonder about and question.  It comes from this whole idea of being weird and the weirder we become the more of God’s peace we will experience.  When I live by God’s plan I experience what most people in the world do not – peace.  Why would I continue to do the same things I’ve done to be normal when normal has left me no better off – only still questioning how to find peace?
    “Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
    Philippians 4:7