I invite you on a journey into a time in my life,
not too long ago,
when Jesus cradled me in His arms,
encompassed my being,
became my every breath,
my every muscle,
my every thought.
For if He did not I would lay down,
lay down and curl up,
and wither,
wither into the fear.
But He cradled me.
Cradled me and swayed.
Swayed back and forth.
And peace.
Peace overcame me.
Today is the first day of Advent. For four weeks we will prepare for Jesus’s birthday. It is easy to prepare the house, buy the presents, and do the baking. It is much harder to prepare my heart so that I truly understand the significance of what we will celebrate at the end of the month.
As I opened our Advent devotional tonight to read and pray with John, I was reminded that this first week of Advent is centered around Hope – the very thing that my life has been centered around for the past six months.
If I was a screenwriter, I could not have written a script of a love story as dramatic and emotional, clearly capturing the circle of life, as my life is right now.
The story of John’s miraculous journey is now becoming a part of the past. Of course, it will always continue as we share his story, and he continues on with his new heart, but the day-to-day climatic events are becoming more scarce and life is becoming what is once was and what we had hope in it becoming again.
At the same time we have been rejoicing God’s gift of life to John, my mom’s story has been brewing into a heartbreaking struggle that leaves us mourning the future. It is a strange dichotomy that is difficult to wrap my brain around fully.
It began the night John got sick with the staph infection in the hospital – the dreadful memory of the Sunday night. As I rushed to John’s side in the middle of the night, my dad rushed my mom to the emergency room. She stayed there eleven days with the conclusion of stage four terminal cancer in her lungs and bones. Two months ago she was at our house cleaning out the brush in our backyard.
This past weekend was the first opportunity, since John and I have been home from the hospital, that I have had to go and see my mom. I have been heartbroken ever since.
She is frail and weak. She has aged decades in just a month. She requires constant care. And she knows that the end of her life is near. I stayed up with her both nights I was there because she was in so much pain. Our roles were reversed for the first time in my life. She has always taken care of me. Now I am taking care of her.
My mom and I talked about the future. I told her some things that I needed to tell her. Of course they are things that should not have waited until now. I have learned the lesson of life’s fragility. You would think that I would have learned that with John. I think I have been better at showing John my love. My mom deserved that too.
Last week the doctor told us that he expects my mom to live for about three more weeks. Of course, God is in control of that, and we have no way of knowing His timing or will. Today my dad had to move her into a hospice because she requires 24 hour care that only professionals can give. Her pain is unbearable.
I cry constantly. I am completely heartbroken.
God is faithful, though, and as I went to bed on Friday night, after seeing her for the first time, he reminded me of His truth – His promise. He told me, “This is only temporary. You will miss her for a while, but you will spend eternity with her in Heaven. And she will be perfect.” For a moment I felt joy.
So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.
If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. So it is written: “The first man Adam became a living being”; the last Adam, a life-giving spirit. The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual. The first man was of the dust of the earth, the second man from heaven. As was the earthly man, so are those who are of the earth; and as is the man from heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. And just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man, so shall we bear the likeness of the man from heaven.
I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:42-57
June 10, 2010, 11:36 a.m., John is listed!!!
After a few irritating weeks with the insurance company asking for more and more tests at the last minute, John is finally, officially, on a heart transplant list! We are thrilled and just cannot believe that he is months away of a new heart and a new life!
Right now, at 4:01 p.m., there are 3,147 people listed for a heart transplant. This is from the United Network of Organ Sharing, the organization that manages donors and prospective recipients. http://www.unos.org/ Now John is one of those people. Our prayer is that of the hearts that become available in the next few months, one is perfect and right for John.
I have already packed John for his hospital stay. He’s been packed since we got home from the hospital the last time! Now I just need to get packed! We’ve been told to keep our cell phones charged, gas in the car, and be ready at any moment!
Thank you, God, for this answered prayer!
Thank you, Lord, for these things this week:
1. our time with Will, Jamie, Georgia, Rod, and Jensen
2. a three day weekend for rest
3. John’s heart continuing to sustain him and give him energy
4. John’s ability to walk around yesterday at Old Salem
Lord, please hear and answer these prayers:
1. John’s heart continues to give him energy and strength
2. that God will protect our emotions and feelings and keep us from depression and sadness
3. for John’s new heart to come in God’s timing – of the hearts that become available in the coming months that one will be a perfect match for John
4. for John’s heart donor – for his salvation – for John’s heart donor’s family – for peace, love, strength, and comfort now and in the months to come
5. for John’s upcoming surgery to have no complications and that his body does not reject his new heart
6. that John has many, many more years here on earth to learn more about You and glorify You
7. that we will continue to see God’s hand in all of this and glorify Him
Well this week has been busy, but we still have so much to praise God for!
We thank Him for these things this week:
1. John went back to work on Monday and is feeling great!
2. John’s company and colleagues have been supportive and understanding.
3. The HR department is helping John through all of the disability paperwork for the past week and for the future transplant without any problems.
4. John’s IV medication is going well and continues to be healthy with no infections.
We are asking God for these things now:
1. John’s IV medication continues to help him to feel well and sustain his heart until the transplant.
2. For God to begin to work in the life of John’s heart donor. For John’s donor’s family. That God will begin to give them comfort, peace, strength, and love.
3. That lives will be changed because of John’s story and people witnessing God’s work through it.
4. That we will glorify God through our response to this trial and that we will always give Him all of the credit.
5. For John’s new heart to come in God’s timing and that we are patient and trust Him in the meantime.
6. For God to continue to make me into the wife he’s called me to be for John.
