Brenda Rodgers

Category: surrender

  • Joy in Tragedy

    Join me today for 5 Minute Friday with The Gypsy Mama where we write for five minutes on a given topic. No editing. No criticism. No worry. Today’s topic is: Joy

    I can’t explain it.  There’s no way to.  It wasn’t from me.  I’ve not felt it since.  Well, not in the same way. 

    I stood at the fork in the hallway.  My husband was behind me in his hospital bed, and nurses surrounded him holding up his air supply and medicine bags as they rushed his bed up the hall.

    He was dying.

    I turned my head to the right to look at him one last time and down the opposite fork in the hallway he went – going to one last attempt – a surgery that could save him or that could take him Home.

    And in that moment it came.  Again it sounds quite ridiculous.  But I know it was real.  It was overwhelming.

    Joy.

    Do not get me wrong.  There was no happiness in my heart.  It was almost broken in two.  But the thing that kept it together was the gift of joy sent from Above.

    It was a joy that came from hope.  Hope that he may still live.  It was a joy that came from eternity.  Eternity where I will live with him forever.

    I have not met it since – that joy that is supernatural.  But even today I look for it and anticipate when we’ll meet again.

    ** I am following up with this note after I posted my entry to say that I wrote this before reading Lisa-Jo’s post about Sara.  What is miraculous to me is that I know now that the words and ideas I wrote were from God.  My confidence in joy has been confirmed again, and I thank you, Sara, for giving us a glimpse of what His supernatural joy is like.  Many blessings to you, and thank you Lisa-jo, for sharing.

  • White Shoes, Fake Rules, and Our Identity

    I walked into the closet this morning ready to pick out the perfect outfit for the day, and I grabbed a halter dress, light pink and white, since it is still 90 degrees here.  Then I quickly remembered, “Oh, I can’t where that dress today.  The shoes that I wear with it are white, and I can’t wear white shoes after Labor Day.”

    It made me start to think about this “white rule” that I have followed since I was a little girl.  No doubt it came from American aristocracy long ago to differentiate the “haves” and the “have nots”.  But still, here, in 2011, I follow it, and the thought of walking out of the house in September with white shoes on makes me scared.  Scared of what people would think.  Scared of how I’d be perceived.  Scared of my pretend identity becoming tarnished.

    There is no doubt the the rule about not wearing white shoes after Labor Day is probably more regional than anything, but down here in the heart of the South we take these things very seriously. 

    But don’t we all make up fake rules for ourselves and others to protect our pretend identity?

    We say things such as:

    • If you’re not married by thirty then something has to be wrong with you.
    • Only mothers who stay at home can truly love their children.
    • You have to home school or your children will turn into heathens.
    • Homemakers don’t live in the real world and are obviously privileged.
    • She must neglect her family if she has time to work-out.
    • Only a housekeeper could keep a home as clean as that. 
    • She doesn’t do anything at church, so she can’t be growing with Christ.
    • Her priorities are all wrong if she goes out of town on a girls’ weekend trip.

     The list goes on and on. 

    The culture that made up the rule about not wearing white after Labor Day is the same culture we live in today.  It’s the one that screams, “You’re not good enough the way you are, so you need to make up rules to make other people look worse in order to make yourself look better.” 

    We are sucked into these rules from the Enemy every time one of the statements above comes into our heads.  But God has a different set of rules.  His say that our sufficiency is of Him, our identity is in Him.  

     “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God.”   2 Corinthians 3:5 (KJV)

    So will I wear white shoes after Labor Day this year?  I’m still not there yet.  But my white shoes have made me think and given me something to pray over – that my identity will be in Christ and Christ alone, not in rules from the Enemy. 

    Do you carry around fake rules with you that prevent you from seeing your true identity in Christ?
    Photo Credit: Creative Commons

  • Is God Your Magic Wand?

    Right now there are five prayers I want answered, and I want them answered now. Most of them are blessings that have me at the center of them with the long term vision of blessing my family, friends, and community.

    But I like easy. Easy makes me happy. Hard makes me squirm.

    So instead of rolling up my sleeves, putting on my work gloves, and getting a little dirt on my face, I turn to my make-believe God dust, take out my magic wand, and begin sprinkling cries and begs and pleads all over my requests. And I do it right from the cushion on my sofa.

    Then I wonder . . . why is God so quiet nowadays? Does He hear me? Does He not know that it is really for Him – His kingdom – and not me? Is He ever going to answer me? Does He even love me?

    God is not a magic wand and there is no such thing as God dust.

    A wise person told me recently that God wants us to use what is in our hands right now. Not a magic wand where all of a sudden everything we dream is before us, but the gifts, talents, and tools we’ve been provided. We’re not just to sit around and wait for miracle, but use what we have today in preparation for the manifestation of the miracle over time.

    Isn’t this what God instructed Moses to do?

    But Moses protested again, “What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord never appeared to you’?”


    Then the Lord asked him, “What is that in your hand?” “A shepherd’s staff,” Moses replied.


    “Throw it down on the ground,” the Lord told him. So Moses threw down the staff, and it turned into a snake! Moses jumped back.


    Then the Lord told him, “Reach out and grab its tail.” So Moses reached out and grabbed it, and it turned back into a shepherd’s staff in his hand.


    “Perform this sign,” the Lord told him. “Then they will believe that the Lord, the God of their ancestors—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob—really has appeared to you.”


    Exodus 4:1-5

    Moses did not take out a magic wand, wave God dust everywhere, and magically deliver the Israelites out of Egypt.

    Instead God told him to use what was right there in front of him – his staff. His staff that was from God and for God. His staff that God used to carry out His purposes. His staff that was used to bring about the miracle.

    Each of us has a staff. God has equipped each of us, right now, with gifts, talents, and tools that we can use to accomplish His purposes for us.

    But will we use them? Or will we continue to sit back on our comfy sofas and wave our magic God wand in the air?

    Is God ever your “magic wand” or do you seek to use what He has provided you with today?
    Photo Credit: Creative Commons

  • Uncovering the Real Life

    Join me today for 5 Minute Friday with The Gypsy Mama where we write for five minutes on a given topic. No editing. No criticism. No worry. Today’s topic is: in Real Life

    There’s a struggle going on, deep inside this life of mine.  A struggle of two lives both wanting to be known.  

    One is all you see, clean and fresh and new.  It’s the fake life that from your bird’s eye view there’s security, peace, and wholeness.  The band-aid does its job here, covering all the yuck, but deep inside revelation oozes out the sides.

    The other one is secretly hidden, behind that band-aid that makes everything look good and fresh.  It’s where  the scars lies – scars from the bruises, caused from the pain.  The band-aid is my mask hiding my real life in fear.  Fear from what you’d think if it was no longer there.

    But in this secret place my real life’s face is here.  And pulling back the band-aid is where my healing begins.  I reveal my scars to you, and in return you show me yours.  The air surrounds the wounds, and our a bond of trust if formed.  The revelation becomes our protection from the unwanted thoughts.  You grow through me.  I grow through you.

    And our real lives get their voice.



    Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Stephanie in love

    Do you feel more at peace uncovering your “real life”?


  • Rest for My Soul

    Join me today for 5 Minute Friday with The Gypsy Mama where we write for five minutes on a given topic. No editing. No criticism. No worry. Today’s topic is: Rest

    Yesterday I was running.  Running for the race of my dreams.  Running so I would be prepared in a few weeks to cross over the finish line after 13.1 miles.  Four miles earlier strength and speed were my friend.  Now they were just reminding me of how truly weak I am.  My legs were weary, but my soul became wearier.

    In my ears I hear a story, coming straight from the pastor on my IPod, of a man named Elijah who God gave strength, protection, and nourishment.  But at the end of the day Elijah was weary too, and yelled out, “Please, take my life, God.  I am weary and no good!” 

    As my legs continued to pound on the pavement toward my dream, I did not look back at the four miles God had brought me through, I just looked ahead at the miles that I still was not. 

    And my soul was weary.  Weary from always striving be more without looking back at who I once was and from where God has brought me.

    As the story goes on, Elijah stops.  He sleeps and eats under a tree, and he stops.  He stops striving, he stops pondering, he stops fretting.  He finds rest in his soul through the rest of his mind and body.

    For the remainder of my run I no longer looked forward.  I looked back at the strength God had already given me.  Then I found rest with my soul. 

    Scripture Reference:  1 Kings 18-19
    Photo Credit:  Creative Commons

    Where do you find rest for your soul?

  • The {Un}Answered Teenage Prayer

    The application for the Africa mission trip was due on Tuesday. It was Friday, and I still had not looked at it. I was driving with both hands on the steering wheel and my heart was beating so fast it felt like I could just reach in and grab it. I knew the deadline was close. I knew I had to make a decision.

    When I first saw the Word on the screen at church several Sundays before, God took me back to my teenage self. I remembered a prayer that I prayed as a seventeen year old girl. I don’t know what made me pray this prayer exactly except that back then I wanted nothing more than to be like everyone else. I didn’t want to be different, even though I knew I was, and I tried really, really hard to live both lives – the Jesus life and the world life. So I prayed this prayer in these words:

    “God, whatever you do, please don’t make me a missionary. I do not want to go to Africa.”

    I never thought any more about it.

    Eighteen years later I still want to be like everyone else. I don’t enjoy being different. But my heart falls more in love with Jesus the more time I spend with Him, and about five years ago I began praying another prayer that I have continued to pray up until now.

    “God, do whatever you have to do. Break me however you need to. But please use my life for something big to bring You glory.”

    So the Friday before the application was due I sat in my car and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

    I did not want to go to Africa.

    What would I eat? Where would I sleep? What if I get hurt? What if I die?

    Then the real question slowly poked up through all of the surface words.

    What if I’m changed? What if I come back different?

    Putting the superficial fears aside, it came down to this. I am afraid of being changed. I am afraid of being different. And I know that there is no way of escaping it. I cannot go to a country and see God’s world, His people, people He loves, through His eyes, and not be changed. I still want to be like everyone else.

    Later that day I went home, sat down, and began writing my application. The words came up out of me and my heart poured onto the pages. This is what came out:

    “I do not know how I can help people who are in need of so much. But I do know that I ask God continually to fully sanctify me so that I can serve Him wholly and completely. I want to see the world and people the way He sees them. I want perspective like His. I ask for this so that I can fully love people in my every day life like He has called me to love them, so I can serve people like He wants me to serve them, and so that I can continue to have an eternal focus.”

    God is sending me to Africa to answer my prayer.

    Has God ever allowed something to happen in your live that you didn’t expect in order to answer a deep,  heart prayer?