Category: heart transplant

Back at the beginning of June I wrote about an article, Justin John: A Legacy of Faith and Determination, that John had read in one of his Georgia magazines about a young man, Justin John, who loved the Bulldogs just as much as John does and became sick with a tumor in his leg. Through the article we see Justin’s marvelous example of how he used his adversity to glorify God by bringing others to Him through his sickness.

After reading the article John wanted the P.U.S.H bracelet that Justin John wore and gave to Rennie Curran to wear as well. P.U.S.H stands for “Pray Until Something Happens”. Rennie wore this bracelet during the bowl game against Texas A&M, and he told Justin that he would give him a special signal during the game especially for him.

Below are John’s and my bracelets. John also searched the recording of the bowl game until he found Rennie Curran’s special signal to Justin John.

These bracelets have been a constant reminder to us of one of God’s most difficult directions. “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). I say the most difficult because it is hard to be joyful always. And some days I feel like I am praying for the same things over and over with no answer from God. I feel like asking him, “Didn’t you hear me yesterday when I prayed this same prayer? Do I have to ask you over and over again? Just do it, please!” And the whole idea of giving thanks in all circumstances is completely foreign to who I am naturally. Why, how, do I do this?

The answer is at the end of verse 18, “in Christ Jesus”. There is no way that I, in my self, can be joyful, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances. However, in Christ Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, I can. When my life is surrendered to Jesus and I allow Him to work through me, I am equipped with everything He intended for me to be.

One of the ways I get to a place of surrender is by talking to God in prayer. God does not “need” me to tell Him what I want Him to do or what needs to be done. He already knows the depth of my thoughts and my heart. However, by continuously coming to Him in prayer, I am humbling myself before Him and giving Him the recognition that He is in control of everything I am experiencing and that I am not. This is how God teaches me about Him, His nature, and His mysterious truths that can only be discerned through the Holy Spirit. And this is how I can then do the things that God tells me to do in the Bible that are impossible and unnatural in my self alone.

Another key word in these verses is “continuously”. Each day when I get up, and throughout the day as I am presented with different circumstances, I have to make a choice. Will I rely on myself or will I surrender to the Holy Spirit? Will I go to God in prayer, continuously, over and over and over again, asking Him for the same things day after day, or will I just give up and try to handle it on my own? Some days I do give up. But I have found that when I don’t I get the gift of all the wonderful, seemingly impossible, emotions that God promises such as joy and peace in the midst of my trials. These are the emotions that turn heads and make people wonder, “How can she be joyful? How can she be calm? How does she have peace?” I can’t. It’s only though God’s grace through the gift of His Helper.

So each day I wear my P.U.S.H bracelet I remember to “pray continuously”, and I remember the brave young man who was an inspiring example of using his experience as a testament to God’s unfailing peace and security in his life.

This is Rennie Curran giving Justin John his special signal in the bowl game against Texas A&M. His P.U.S.H bracelet is blue.

This is our P.U.S.H bracelet. We like it because it’s also Georgia Bulldog colors!

And here we are sporting our inspiring bracelets!

I am sitting outside on the first cool morning since probably May. The wind is blowing, and I even have a few goosebumps. But then again if the wind blows and it’s 100 degrees outside I seem to get goosebumps. I’m weird like that. I don’t like air blowing on me. This is a nice change, though, from the sweltering heat that has kept us from even wanting to get the mail for the past several weeks.

Our once lush, green grass is now crunchy, brown straw. We thought about trying to water it, but we figured that it needed so much water, and the sun was so intense, that the added cost on our water bill wouldn’t be worth it. This morning I woke up thinking that since the high temperatures are going to be lower for the next few days, maybe we would get some rain. No such luck. It isn’t supposed to rain for the next seven days according to the weatherman. However, I have kept our ferns and geraniums alive and pretty throughout the spring and now into summer. This is a pretty big step for me because for some reason I just seem to always forget to water the few plants we have.

As I sit here, I have my camera ready. I have been trying to capture some pictures of the birds in our backyard. When my parents came up to visit us they helped to clear out the tiny bit of brush we have towards in the back of the yard. They also bought us a bird feeder and some bird feed. With the few pine trees we have this has become quite the bird sanctuary. Sometimes there are as many as seven birds at one time in our yard. I don’t know much about birds, but they are so pretty. Some are blue. Some are red. And then some have several colors on them. They are also all sizes. They are constantly making a roucus, which I love to listen to. Squawk, whistle, hoot, cackle – that’s all I hear.

Watching the birds even from the inside of the house has become great entertainment for me. John and I will be sitting at the table talking and all of a sudden I will say, “Look at that bird!” The first time he turns to look, but after the twentieth time he completely loses interest. I will even get up and run to the window to get a closer look. One time we even saw them eating worms out of the ground. That would have been an awesome picture! John says he has never seen someone more intriqued by birds. He isn’t nearly as amused.

I can’t help but remember what Jesus teaches us about worry every time I watch the birds in our backyard. In Matthew Jesus says, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:26-27). In the past, these verses have irritated me becasue they seem so simple. Why would we be compared to birds? Of course birds aren’t going to worry. They’re birds! But as I watch them and think about it more, I think that’s the point. It is simple. I am the one who makes it complicated.

As I watch the birds right now, they are so busy doing whatever they do – fluttering around, singing, taking care of the other birds. They aren’t just sitting on a tree branch doing nothing, waiting for something to come along and feed them. However, they don’t seem panicked, either. They are just doing what God created them to do and they are leaving the rest to Him. It is awesome that Jesus takes such simple things in life and teaches us such profound truths through them.

Wow, how I need to take some lessons from the birds!

As I’ve sat here, I have gotten some pictures of these beautiful creatures in our backyard. If I didn’t want one of those cameras with all the great lenses before, I certainly do now! These would be so good if I could have zoomed in with a cool lens! But at least I have some memories captured! Maybe next time I begin to fret and worry I will look at these pictures of the birds and remember Matthew 7.

There are many “negatives” about the Internet, blogging, Facebook, and tweeting; however, in the past few months I have discovered through the blogs, posts, and tweets that I read from pastors and spiritual leaders from all over, to the avenues in which I have to ask for prayer for John and share our story, how really powerful all of these sources of networking can be for spreading God’s truth and engaging others in what He is doing all around us.

My purposes for writing on this blog are multifaceted. One is to document our story so that John and I don’t forget where we have been and what God has done when we are out of our “desert”. This is one of my biggest fears. It is so easy to forget God when our circumstances match up to what we have planned for our lives. Another reason for this blog is to share our story with our future children so that they will have a glimpse of what a miracle they truly are and how God blessed us with them despite this trial.

However, even more importantly, this is an awesome opportunity for others to be blessed by seeing God’s work in our lives and in this situation. I feel honored to be chosen by God to be John’s wife and be able to witness His miraculous healing, physically and spiritually, firsthand. Right now it is my cross to bear, but it is one that I would not trade for anything. By other people reading about John and God’s work in our lives, they, too, get to experience Him firsthand, and this is how, through the Holy Spirit, lives are changed. I feel that by not sharing this miraculous story I am holding on to a precious gem all for myself when instead I can share it and allow other people to be blessed as well.

John and I appreciate each and every prayer that people, friends and strangers, pray for us. Each one glorifies God and gives Him the honor He deserves. However, not only is John being healed through every prayer, but each person who is praying is also being healed. People are talking to their Creator and Heavenly Father possibly for the first time, maybe for the first time in a long time. Every person’s prayer is opening the door for God to speak to them and work in their life. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20). It is an amazing thought that we may see people in Heaven one day who came to Christ through praying for John!

A few weeks ago a friend and coworker of my dad’s has been reading our blog and praying for John. I have not met him, but I am so grateful that he has felt led to pray for us. He attends Free Chapel church in Gainesville, Georgia, and over the weekend they hosted a big conference. My dad’s friend told the pastor of his church, who is also a well-known speaker and author, about John’s story, and he was very generous to send us some gifts to let us know that his prayers are with us. These meant so much to John, and when I told him that my dad was going to pick them up tears came to his eyes.

There are no words that can share our gratitude to my dad’s friend, his pastor, and the bands who passed along their love and prayers to John and myself. Thank you so much for making John’s day and for caring enough for us to take the time to express your love with these special gifts and notes.

This is the book that the pastor, Jentezen Franklin, sent to John and myself.


This is the special note he wrote on the inside. What wonderful words of encouragement!

This is a CD recorded at Free Chapel church with Ricardo Sanchez.


This is a signed photograph of Third Day.

And here is Third Day’s special message to us – Psalm 91.

Today John had a doctor’s appointment at Duke. He has a scheduled appointment to see the doctor once a month, so this was his scheduled appointment.

As I mentioned earlier, John did not have a good night last night and hasn’t been feeling well. When his doctor saw John, he was very concerned. For the first time he looked perplexed. I prayed before our appointment that God would give his doctor wisdom in treating John, and I prayed the same prayer as we sat in his office.

He asked John if he felt like he was sick enough to go into the hospital – into the ICU. If this happened, John would have a leg pump that would act as a heart pump for the lower part of his body. This would elevate his status on the transplant list to the highest status and naturally his wait time would be less. John would most likely stay in the hospital until a heart became available. However, even with a shorter wait time, this could still be a few months.

John has been in the ICU before, and he says it is no fun. Of course that makes sense, but he tells me that it is much more restrictive than a regular hospital room. I call John my “enigma” because he is so, so sick, but he doesn’t look like it(except that he’s skinny), and a lot of the time he doesn’t act like it. I mean he has trouble breathing and he can’t do much, but he isn’t bed-bound. Today his doctor said that if I could see what he looks on the inside I would see how sick he truly is though.

So the last thing John wants to do is go into the hospital and wait. Instead, his doctor increased his IV medication to help stabilize him a little bit. We are going to see how this works for a few weeks.

We are staying faithful that God knows what is best for John and how this needs to play out for him. It is a hard waiting game that requires a lot of patience. We are just praying that in the meantime John is comfortable, peaceful, restful, and that he is stable. Our eyes are fixed on Him to provide.

Over the weekend, and especially last night, John hasn’t felt his best. It seems to be going in waves where he’ll feel bad, take a few extra medications, feel better for a few days, and then feel bad again. He is very frustrated, very tired, and very weak. We do have an appointment with Dr. Rogers today at Duke, so hopefully he can give us some insight.

Each day we become more desperate for praying for a heart to come soon. We know that this is a specially orchestrated plan of God’s, so we are praying for His will and timing, and also praying for relief for John to come quickly.

It has been on my mind a lot recently to pray for the salvation of John’s heart donor. I pray, of course, that he is already saved; however, if not I pray that God saves him before he passes. It is the prayer of both John and myself to see him in Heaven one day and have the opportunity to thank him face-to-face. With that said, we pray for God’s perfect timing and will to work for the good of everyone involved.

Thank you, Jesus, for these blessings this week:

1. My dad who helped us this weekend and spent some time with John.
2. My safe trip to GA to see a special friend’s wedding and my best friend’s new, sweet baby.
3. John’s supervisor who is very understanding and compassionate.
4. John’s heart that sustains him each day and keeps him going despite its weaknesses.
5. Our medical insurance and benefits.
6. The transplant team at Duke and their wisdom and knowledge in how to best treat John.
7. The love, support, and prayers from our family and friends.
8. The hope we have in the You and for hearing and answering our prayers.

Lord, this week we ask you for these things:

1. Please be with John’s heart donor. Bring him to salvation if he needs it and make him open to Your voice. Please be with his family. Bring them peace, love, comfort, and support in the coming days. Please bring peace and strength to their family right now and give them good time together.
2. Please give Dr. Rogers and the transplant team wisdom in treating John. Help them to make decisions that are best for John, his treatment, and his overall success in the future.
3. Please bring John peace. Help his heart to sustain him each day. Give him energy and strength during the day and rest at night.
4. Please give us hope and courage. Help us to not be afraid and know that you will always provide for us and protect us.
5. Please give me strength to take care of John each day. Help me to surrender to You and be selfless.
6. Please send a heart for John in your perfect timing and before he gets sicker. Please allow the heart to be strong and perfect for John and give him life to many years to come.
7. When John gets his new heart, please make the surgery go smoothly and well. Please allow there to not be any rejection of his new heart.

About a month ago I began reading the Book of Job because I have never read it in its entirety, and I knew that it would teach me about this season of suffering that John and I are in, how God views it, and how we can respond and trust in Him throughout it.

The most refreshing thing so far about Job, and what I love about him, is how honest he is with God. Job was “blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil” (1:1); however, God allowed Satan to test him and bring hardship to his livelihood, his family, and his health. Job did not understand this, and he let God know it! Job continually questioned God, cried out to God, even asked God to take his life, but he never turned away from God. “In all of this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing” (1:22).

Job was human! He had the same thoughts, the same confusion, the same frustration, the same hopelessness that I sometimes have, and he questioned God about it. He had such an intimate relationship with God that he knew he could continually go to Him and ask Him to speak to him and help him to understand. Job continued to keep God first throughout his despair and agony.

I ordered a children’s CD last week that I am planning to give to our niece and nephews, and the CD has songs that are based on scripture verses to help children (and even adults in my case) memorize scripture. I’ve been listening to it, and as I am writing this blog two of the songs come to mind. The first one is based on Matthew 7:7-8.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8)

Job was close enough to God to know that it was o.k. to “seek” Him out. God wanted Job to show his trust in Him by coming to Him and questioning Him instead of running away in resentment and anger.

The other song that comes to mind is based on Jeremiah 33:3.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3)

The word that stands out to me every time I read this verse is “unsearchable”. Just like in Job’s case, there are things in the life that we do not understand and do not even know that we do not understand. They are “unsearchable” meaning that we can not search for them on our own because we do not know what to look for or what to ask for.

Job could not find or understand the answers to his questions on his own, so he called on God, repeatedly, to help him.

My prayer today is that I will follow Job’s example. I want to be in such a close relationship with God that I am confident in going to Him, seeking Him, and calling upon Him to help me to understand the unsearchable things I do not know. As I ponder the words ask, seek, knock, and call, I realize that all of these words are present tense verbs. These are actions that I must take, and God will be there waiting for me to pour out His wisdom upon me.

I have not finished reading Job yet, but I am looking forward to it because I know that God is going to answer Job later in the chapter. I can not wait to find out how He responds. I know that Job was blessed through his trial simply by continually going to God for answers and strength. I pray that I will make God smile by not turning my back to Him, but trusting in Him each day.