Category: heart transplant

I am absolutely in awe of our Lord!

It has been a very difficult week for John. Last night I went to dinner with my ladies Bible study friends, and when I left I felt just defeated and worn out. John was at home and again not feeling his best. I think he felt a little defeated too. It had been a long week, and it was obvious that it was Thursday. It had taken it’s toll. How are we going to make it months like this before his heart comes?

After spending some time away, talking with girlfriends and having a diversion from life at home, I felt more energized by the time I got back home. When I walked in the door John was still up and awake and sitting in his recliner. ESPN was on the T.V., and he had his IPhone in his hand. He seems a little peppier, too, from the time I had left.

He said to me, “I want you to watch this.” And he handed me his phone. This is what I saw.

Throughout this blog I have tried to capture God’s words to us, how He is using us, and how he is encouraging us through this process. And I have mentioned that His encouragement comes daily through His Word, through the quiet, small voice of the Holy Spirit, through our circumstances, through the people around us, and through things we read and hear. And when I say daily, I literally mean daily.

Once again He has brought us another story of hope. Hope for now and hope for our future. These stories, these gifts from God, are what help us to stay focused on Him and the fact that He is orchestrating this whole process and that He has big plans for John.

John watched this video a few more times last night. This morning he watched this one and another I found from just this week before he went to work. To see the look in his eyes, the smile on his face, and the renewed hope the Lord brought us last night and into today, gives me one more reason of endless reasons to be in awe of our Lord.

Thank you God, again, and again, and again.

Last night John was really sick. He was having a very hard time breathing which means there was a lot of extra fluid he was holding in his body. This is what happens when your heart doesn’t work properly. Your blood isn’t being circulated completely, so your body can’t flush out fluid that isn’t needed. He was up most of the night. It is probably the worst I have seen him as far as him not being able to breath. It was pretty scary.

Nevertheless, John went to work today. Later in the morning I got an email from him entitled “Building Elevators are Temporarily Out of Service”. He was forwarding me a message he had just received from work. In his email he proceeded to tell me that as soon as he got to work he was bombarded with requests and demands, and now the elevators weren’t working. So here he was not feeling well, sleep deprived, dealing with demanding co-workers and customers, and stuck on the fifth floor. He said that if the elevators weren’t fixed after lunch, he wouldn’t be able to get back up to his office. He could probably walk down the five flights taking breaks, but at this point walking up them is not an option.

In the meantime of getting his email and hearing of how his day had started off so horribly, I was leaving messages and playing phone tag with the nurse. She did call in a “super water pill” for John to take tonight, and hopefully that will get a lot of the extra fluid off of him.

During all of this I also read a blog that I like to read every day called “Desiring God” by John Piper, and today’s post was entitled “Song for Those with Disabilities”. The post had the lyrics written out and a link to hear the song itself. Immediately I was intrigued by the song’s title, and after reading the words and listening to the music I was amazed at God once again. On this day, after an exhausting night, when self-pity, resentment, anger, and fear want to set in and become footholds in our lives, God delivers to us this song of encouragement.

The ways God speaks to us simply amazes me. It amazes me at how the words come – through a song, or a person, or a thought, or an experience. It amazes me at how quiet His words are and if you aren’t really attuned to the Holy Spirit you might miss them. And it amazes me at how they come at just the perfect moment when they will have the most meaning and significance. As I have mentioned in previous posts, God continues to show up for us daily. He continues to speak to us, encourage us, and remind us that “all things work together for good for those who love Him”.

Lord, we do love you and thank you for sending us these words today.

“Song for Those With Disabilities”

Within the womb I formed you

I fashioned and made each part

I thought of your fingers, your hands and your feet

Your mouth, your lungs, your heart

Though you might think that you’re different

I made you the way that you are

So you could discover the God who made you

And find out all I am

And I’ve heard each prayer that you’ve called out

“Why did you make me this way?”

You may not completely understand now

But there will be a day

When I make everything known to you

And what you don’t now understand

You will see that I’m wise and I’m mighty and good

Just like all my plans

And if you trust in the work of my Son

One day you will see

That I’ve made you the way you are

To draw your heart to me

To draw your heart to me.

Here is the link to hear the song.

Song for Those with Disabilities

The past week has been very challenging for both John and myself. Each day is becoming harder for John, and we are beginning to make some big decisions about whether he needs to continue to work full-time. It is obviously taking it’s toll on him. For me it is very difficult to watch. There is not much more the doctors can do in terms of medication at this point. We are just praying for God’s mercy and provision for us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

We continue to thank you, God, for these blessings:

1. The strength you have given and continue to give John. Allowing his heart to sustain him each day.
2. Answered prayer for a Godly friend and co-worker for John at work.
3. Our many friends and families who continue to pray for us each day and encourage us to not give up.
4. The people we don’t know who have heard our story and are praying for us.
5. The lives that are being changed, including our own, from experiencing this trial.
6. The hope, peace, and love we feel from Jesus each day.
7. The medical care John is receiving.

God, we ask you for these things this week:

1. To be with John’s heart donor and his family. For their salvation and that they feel your hope, peace, and love now and in the future.
2. Please give John strength physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please help John to breath easier and get the rest he needs.
3. For wisdom in the decisions we have to make concerning John’s job. That we will not forget that You always take care of us and will continue to do so. That our priorities will be in line with Yours for our life.
4. That we will glorify You in this trial through our thoughts, words, and actions. That our lives will change so that we can be used for Your service in the future.
5. For a heart to come in your timing. Of the hearts that become available in the next few months, one will be a perfect match for John.
6. That our eyes never leave You.

One of the biggest gifts my parents gave me was taking me to church from the time I was a baby and reading me Bible stories. When I think about my spiritual journey I have memories of VBS, Sunday School, church camp, listening to Christian music, and reading stories about Jesus. I am very grateful for my parents introducing me to Jesus at such a young age. There isn’t a greater gift you can give your child.

I became a Christian when I was twelve years old, and it was a genuine acceptance of Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I know this because I have felt the Holy Spirit ever since. However, I haven’t always been growing in my relationship with Christ.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I would say I really began to grow and change as a Christian. I remember when I was a teenager and young adult I would pray to God and beg Him not to make me a missionary. I knew enough about God that if He called you to do something you needed to do it. The last thing I wanted to do was live in Africa and be a full-time missionary. I remember specifically saying, “Whatever you do, God, please don’t call me into the mission field.”

Well, he didn’t call me into the mission field, at least as of yet, but as time has gone on prayers such as these have begun to change. Throughout the past twelve years of my life, from college until now, God has allowed me to go through experiences that have changed my perspective on whose life of mine this really is. My prayers have moved from asking God for specific circumstances that I think will make my life happier and easier, to asking God to make me who He wants me to be no matter what the cost.

I have thought recently that I should not be at all surprised by the circumstances I am going through with John’s sickness right now because I asked for them. Over the past couple of years I have grown to a place in my faith where I consistently ask God to bring me to a place of utter brokenness so that I can be completely transformed in righteousness. I want to be in a place where I rely completely on Him for everything and every breath I take is for His glory and purpose. I know that this is the only thing that will bring me the peace and joy I seek over and over again here on earth.

My favorite verse in the Bible is “Search me, Oh Lord, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24.

This trial I am facing is God’s answer to my prayer. He is searching me, testing me, and leading me into a place that only this trial can take me. I asked for it, and I am so grateful that He loves me enough to give it me so that I can have peace in being completely surrendered to whatever He has planned for my life.