Category: Marriage

If you saw God the way I see Him,
If you experienced Him the way I have,
If you allowed Him to come in,
Your heart would feel what mine does.

You would want to scream from the rooftops,
You would want to fall to your knees,
Your heart would break over sin,
If you knew God the way I do.

If you knew God the way I do,
You would want everyone to know Him, too.

Your search would be over.
You would have all those things that innately you want,
but life just doesn’t seem to offer.

If you knew God the way I do,
you would thirst to know Him better,
cherish the time you spend with Him,
experience Him as a friend.


If you knew God the way I do,
your soul would be one with His
and life would make sense.


If you knew God the way I do.

Today John sat up in a chair for a little while and . . . stood up and took a few steps!!! It was awesome!!! The nurse called him their miracle! They said he is much stronger than they expected after being in the bed for almost four weeks. The physical therapist and nurse were very impressed.

Now all John talks about is wanting to go home. He can’t wait to take a shower! He gets frustrated easily because he is over this whole ordeal in a big way, but I tell him that even though he doesn’t quite fully understand from where he’s come, he’s in a much better place now. The past few weeks were my hardest days and now these are John’s as he builds up his strength after surgery and ECMO.

I keep telling him that the more he cooperates and pushes on the faster he gets to come home. He understands this and is very appreciative of all the nurses and doctors are doing for him. Every time they come in to work with him he thanks them profusely!

My favorite quote of the day from John is “Can I please just tag along with you?” Tonight when I was leaving this is what he said to me. So, so sweet!

John has been begging all day to go home. He knows he can’t go home, but he likes to let us know how unhappy he is with still being in the hospital. I really don’t blame him at all. I know that I am fed up with it, so I can’t imagine how he feels. When he said this to me as I was leaving I asked him how he thought he would be able to leave. I told him the only way would be to roll his bed out of the hospital because he’s not quite ready to walk by himself yet. I think he got the point – until tomorrow that is – when I’m sure he’ll beg some more. When I ask him what he’s looking forward to the most when he goes home he answers, “Take a shower!” Right now that’s all he cares about!

Please pray for John tomorrow. He will have his first heart biopsy and right heart catheterization of his new heart. This will show the doctors what, if any, rejection of the heart he has had. From there they will adjust his medications to help with it. Thank you so much for your prayers!!

Today everything went well. John is only on two IV medications now. His blood pressure, heart rate, and oxygen level is all stable and good. He did not have dialysis today, and the doctors will continue to monitor his kidneys daily to decide if he needs it. Tomorrow he will have to walk further. He will probably start being pushed a little more aggressively now since he’s doing so well.

Thank you so much for continuing to pray for John!!!

Over the past three weeks, John and I have been showered with love from our family, our friends, and people we don’t even know. I have had the privilege of experiencing it each day. John will experience it in time as he heals and more fully understands what he has been through.

I have witnessed people from all over, of all backgrounds, with different spiritual backgrounds, and varying degrees of intimacy with God come together, drop to their knees in prayer, and share my burden. I have felt their hearts break, listened to their voices cry, and heard their words plead just like mine has, on John and my behalf. Not because they will get anything in return, but because of their selfless, loving, laying down of their lives for their neighbor.

If I close my eyes real tight and replay Wednesday, August 4th, in my mind, I can hear hundreds of knees hitting the floor when people from all over received my text, email, message, or post begging for prayer. I imagine hundreds of voices reaching Heaven. And I imagine God smiling.

“Give your burdens to the Lord,and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” Psalm 55:22

Prayer saved my husband’s life. It was a part of God’s ultimate plan, but we were obedient by bringing our burdens to His feet and leaving them there. He heard our cries and in His love and mercy He answered them.

That was the ultimate gift.

However, in my pain I have also received hundreds of tangible gifts to help me during this difficult time. I have received countless words of encouragement. I have received gifts to make my days happier. I have received generous help for my stay in Durham.

So I ask, “How can I repay you?” How can I show you what my heart feels? How can I truly show my gratitude? How can I give back?

I think the answer is by following your example.

You see, you gave me your time in prayer. You gave me your words of encouragement. You gave me tokens to help me. But you have given me another gift that will not end. You have given me your example of how to love, truly love, selflessly, for people who are in need. Everyday at the hospital I see people who are hurting and scared. I see sick children and crying parents. I see adults trying to take care of their aging parents. I see husbands and wives who are hanging on with hope. There are people all around me who are in need of something.

Your example has given me a heart for these people. It has given me a desire to make someone’s life a little happier, a little easier, a little more hopeful.

Even though I wish I could personally give back everything I’ve received to each person who has given to me, I practically can’t.

But I can take your example and love others. This is my gift back to you. Thank you for blessing our lives and for blessing countless other lives through your example to me.

I went into John’s room, and his nurse said, “He’s a rebel!”

John pulled out his feeding tube on his own accord.

That’s John. When he’s done, he’s done.

Typically, someone has to come in and do “swallow therapy” with patients to make sure they can swallow without choking before they eat or drink anything. They start out with ice and go from there.

Well, when John pulled his feeding tube out he was drinking water and eating jello within a few hours. No swallow therapy for him! This is one example of his stubbornness working for his benefit in a big way!! I’m so grateful for that hard-head now!! 🙂

He also sat up in a chair for the first time.

I am so proud of my rebel!

It seems like every day now I am getting more details behind John’s emergency surgery a week ago Wednesday. I am very happy that they didn’t tell me any sooner! Now I can handle the whole story much better!

Today a doctor whom I had not really had much contact with came in a said to us, “This man is remarkable.” He went on to tell us that the day they were rushing John from the 7th floor to the 3rd floor, he and some other doctors got a call that an emergency patient was coming down. They immediately rushed to the elevator to see if they could help, and when John got off of the elevator they were already doing CPR on him. They did not even have time to put John on another bed. They did the surgery to put him on ECMO (life support) right there on the bed he came down on. The doctor said there were at least 20 people in the room trying to save John’s life. He said, “He had a lot of people rooting for him.” He went on to tell us that he cannot believe how good John looks now. He said that John almost didn’t make it. It was very scary.

John was awake when the doctor was telling us all of this. This morning I began to tell John about his infection and how he was very sick and that God saved his life. When he heard it from the doctor, though, he started to cry.

I knew that that was the worse day of my life. I knew it was very scary. I knew that John almost didn’t make it, and that God saved his life. But hearing the details from a doctor who was there and having a doctor be that impressed with John now, I just cry. How can I ever be thankful enough?

As he was telling me all of this, my mind envisioned all of you who told me that when you got my urgent texts, emails, and Facebook and Caring Bridge posts begging for prayer you immediately dropped to your knees and prayed.

Thank you for saving John’s life through prayer, by going to God on his behalf. I feel forever indebted, and yet there is nothing I can do to repay you or thank you enough. Through God’s ultimate plan for John’s survival here on earth right now, and the power behind submissively going to our Lord in prayer and giving Him the credit and honor He deserves, John’s life was saved.

All I can say is thank you. Thank you!

Of the “good days” we’ve had this past week, I can’t decide which has been the best. His new heart was obviously the best gift and miracle. But coming out of sedation and finally waking up was a huge miracle, too.

However, today I am overwhelmed with joy because it is the first day I truly feel like I have my husband back!

Even though John has been awake for a few days, he has been unable to make a significant connection to anyone. He had some good moments, but overall he was very confused, sometimes hallucinating and paranoid. I knew this was normal, but I just couldn’t wait for him to really see me and know that I was there.

Well, today is the day that he saw me, really saw me and understood, for the first time!

He reached out to kiss me this morning. He told me that he loved me. He said that the nurses needed to know that we are married. I have been wearing his ring around my neck because his hands were really swollen, so I explained that to him and was able to give him his ring back. He asked me where my ring was, and I showed it to him. He just stared at it.

He asked me how long he’s been in the hospital. I explained to him that he was in the hospital for about two weeks and then he got a really bad infection. I told him that God gave him many miracles over the past week and and half and saved his life. I explained to him that he has a new heart.

I showed him pictures that our niece and nephew drew for him. He smiled big and said he can’t wait to see them.

I also showed him pictures from all of our family and friends who were here last weekend. He smiled. When I showed him the picture of our friend, Rowland, and his baby, Reese, he said, “Oh my gosh!” I told him I got to meet baby Reese and hold her. I told him how cute she was and he said, “I bet she is.”

I told him that I was told an email went out on the UGA campus asking for prayer for him. I told him that all of the Bulldawg Nation was praying for him. He just smiled and shook his head.

Sometimes, like right now, I have to leave his room so that they can do procedures and things, but I can’t wait to get back in there. He is such a joy, and I just can’t get enough of him!!

I’m sure in the next few days he’ll be ready to look at this website and start reading all of your posts. From just the little bit I’ve told him I can already tell that he is amazed at all of the love and support he has.

Thank you so much for contributing to this website and for giving John such a wonderful gift as he heals! This is a complete surprise to him because he has been sedated since I started it. It is going to be wonderful to see his response to it! Thank you!!!