Category: Marriage

Last night John was really sick. He was having a very hard time breathing which means there was a lot of extra fluid he was holding in his body. This is what happens when your heart doesn’t work properly. Your blood isn’t being circulated completely, so your body can’t flush out fluid that isn’t needed. He was up most of the night. It is probably the worst I have seen him as far as him not being able to breath. It was pretty scary.

Nevertheless, John went to work today. Later in the morning I got an email from him entitled “Building Elevators are Temporarily Out of Service”. He was forwarding me a message he had just received from work. In his email he proceeded to tell me that as soon as he got to work he was bombarded with requests and demands, and now the elevators weren’t working. So here he was not feeling well, sleep deprived, dealing with demanding co-workers and customers, and stuck on the fifth floor. He said that if the elevators weren’t fixed after lunch, he wouldn’t be able to get back up to his office. He could probably walk down the five flights taking breaks, but at this point walking up them is not an option.

In the meantime of getting his email and hearing of how his day had started off so horribly, I was leaving messages and playing phone tag with the nurse. She did call in a “super water pill” for John to take tonight, and hopefully that will get a lot of the extra fluid off of him.

During all of this I also read a blog that I like to read every day called “Desiring God” by John Piper, and today’s post was entitled “Song for Those with Disabilities”. The post had the lyrics written out and a link to hear the song itself. Immediately I was intrigued by the song’s title, and after reading the words and listening to the music I was amazed at God once again. On this day, after an exhausting night, when self-pity, resentment, anger, and fear want to set in and become footholds in our lives, God delivers to us this song of encouragement.

The ways God speaks to us simply amazes me. It amazes me at how the words come – through a song, or a person, or a thought, or an experience. It amazes me at how quiet His words are and if you aren’t really attuned to the Holy Spirit you might miss them. And it amazes me at how they come at just the perfect moment when they will have the most meaning and significance. As I have mentioned in previous posts, God continues to show up for us daily. He continues to speak to us, encourage us, and remind us that “all things work together for good for those who love Him”.

Lord, we do love you and thank you for sending us these words today.

“Song for Those With Disabilities”

Within the womb I formed you

I fashioned and made each part

I thought of your fingers, your hands and your feet

Your mouth, your lungs, your heart

Though you might think that you’re different

I made you the way that you are

So you could discover the God who made you

And find out all I am

And I’ve heard each prayer that you’ve called out

“Why did you make me this way?”

You may not completely understand now

But there will be a day

When I make everything known to you

And what you don’t now understand

You will see that I’m wise and I’m mighty and good

Just like all my plans

And if you trust in the work of my Son

One day you will see

That I’ve made you the way you are

To draw your heart to me

To draw your heart to me.

Here is the link to hear the song.

Song for Those with Disabilities

The past week has been very challenging for both John and myself. Each day is becoming harder for John, and we are beginning to make some big decisions about whether he needs to continue to work full-time. It is obviously taking it’s toll on him. For me it is very difficult to watch. There is not much more the doctors can do in terms of medication at this point. We are just praying for God’s mercy and provision for us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

We continue to thank you, God, for these blessings:

1. The strength you have given and continue to give John. Allowing his heart to sustain him each day.
2. Answered prayer for a Godly friend and co-worker for John at work.
3. Our many friends and families who continue to pray for us each day and encourage us to not give up.
4. The people we don’t know who have heard our story and are praying for us.
5. The lives that are being changed, including our own, from experiencing this trial.
6. The hope, peace, and love we feel from Jesus each day.
7. The medical care John is receiving.

God, we ask you for these things this week:

1. To be with John’s heart donor and his family. For their salvation and that they feel your hope, peace, and love now and in the future.
2. Please give John strength physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please help John to breath easier and get the rest he needs.
3. For wisdom in the decisions we have to make concerning John’s job. That we will not forget that You always take care of us and will continue to do so. That our priorities will be in line with Yours for our life.
4. That we will glorify You in this trial through our thoughts, words, and actions. That our lives will change so that we can be used for Your service in the future.
5. For a heart to come in your timing. Of the hearts that become available in the next few months, one will be a perfect match for John.
6. That our eyes never leave You.

One of the biggest gifts my parents gave me was taking me to church from the time I was a baby and reading me Bible stories. When I think about my spiritual journey I have memories of VBS, Sunday School, church camp, listening to Christian music, and reading stories about Jesus. I am very grateful for my parents introducing me to Jesus at such a young age. There isn’t a greater gift you can give your child.

I became a Christian when I was twelve years old, and it was a genuine acceptance of Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I know this because I have felt the Holy Spirit ever since. However, I haven’t always been growing in my relationship with Christ.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I would say I really began to grow and change as a Christian. I remember when I was a teenager and young adult I would pray to God and beg Him not to make me a missionary. I knew enough about God that if He called you to do something you needed to do it. The last thing I wanted to do was live in Africa and be a full-time missionary. I remember specifically saying, “Whatever you do, God, please don’t call me into the mission field.”

Well, he didn’t call me into the mission field, at least as of yet, but as time has gone on prayers such as these have begun to change. Throughout the past twelve years of my life, from college until now, God has allowed me to go through experiences that have changed my perspective on whose life of mine this really is. My prayers have moved from asking God for specific circumstances that I think will make my life happier and easier, to asking God to make me who He wants me to be no matter what the cost.

I have thought recently that I should not be at all surprised by the circumstances I am going through with John’s sickness right now because I asked for them. Over the past couple of years I have grown to a place in my faith where I consistently ask God to bring me to a place of utter brokenness so that I can be completely transformed in righteousness. I want to be in a place where I rely completely on Him for everything and every breath I take is for His glory and purpose. I know that this is the only thing that will bring me the peace and joy I seek over and over again here on earth.

My favorite verse in the Bible is “Search me, Oh Lord, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24.

This trial I am facing is God’s answer to my prayer. He is searching me, testing me, and leading me into a place that only this trial can take me. I asked for it, and I am so grateful that He loves me enough to give it me so that I can have peace in being completely surrendered to whatever He has planned for my life.

Thank you, Lord, for these things this week:

1. Our families who love us so much and do so much for us! My parents’ safe trip to NC and all of their help clearing out the backyard. John’s parents’ gifts that are so nice and make things easier for us.
2. Sustaining John through another week of work.
3. That this is my last full week of work for the summer so that I can take care of John full time.
4. All of the prayers people are praying for us especially the ones from complete strangers. That God is using this experience to bring people to Him and creating conversations between Himself and believers and nonbelievers here on earth.
5. God’s continual voice through circumstances, people, and His Word. Almost daily we receive hope from Him, and we are very grateful.
6. The health care and insurance we have. John’s doctors and the transplant team. The possibility of a new heart and an improved life for John.

Dear Lord, please hear these prayers this week and answer them in your will and timing:

1. That John will feel better and his heart will continue to sustain him
2. For wisdom about how much longer John should continue working so that his health is not compromised
3. For provision for us financially and emotionally as we face the months ahead. That we will continue to trust You for all of our needs and know that You will take care of us always
4. That the insurance company will complete their negotiations with the hospital and that we will be officially listed for a heart
5. Of the hearts that become available in the next few months, that one is perfect for John and predetermined by You to become the new heart that gives him a fulfilling life so that he can serve You for many more years on earth
6. That the heart comes in Your timing and will
7. For the heart donor. That he is a Christian and will experience eternal life in heaven with You. That You will begin now to give him and his family comfort, love, and peace, and that if they do not know You, they will come to know You through this experience.
8. For the nurses, doctors, social worker, coordinators, surgeons, and psychologists on the transplant team. That You will give them wisdom and guidance when caring for John.
9. That John’s employer continues to be compassionate and understanding. That people will see this situation through Your eyes.
10. That lives will continue to be saved by You through our experience and that we will continue to honor and glorify You each day
11. For peace, rest, and hope that You are in control. That our souls will not become overwhelmed, but that we will remember and rest in Your truths each day.