The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating is the sermon series where I first heard about the “One Year No Dating Challenge“. Unfortunately, I was married. I say unfortunately because when Andy Stanley mentioned it in the series I immediately thought, “Why didn’t I do that!” As I have admitted without shame, marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done – even after being single for a long time. Now I tell women that the One Year No Dating Challenge is the one thing I wish I had done when I was single. I know it would have been life-changing.
Category: book reviews
-
Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl :: A Book Review and Giveaway
A few months ago I received an email asking me if I wanted to host a giveaway for Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl. The moment I read the title I thought to myself, “I could have written that book!” Yes, I was a boy-crazy girl to say the least! Then I read the subtitle, and it described me even more – “On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom.” Believe it or not, that describes me, too. Even though I’m married, I’ve been slow to learn those hard lessons of neediness, which is really a form of idolatry. That’s why I consider myself a “recovering single.” I sure wish I had this book several years ago.
-
When You Get Friendship Dumped {And a Review and Giveaway}
Recently I’ve been friendship dumped.
I don’t know the reason. I don’t know the cause. I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know what happened.
All I know is that I had a baby. And things changed.
Some of my closest friends called once, and never called again. Visited once, and never visited again. Didn’t ask how my baby was doing or how I was doing with no sleep, emotions flying high, and still trying to keep up with day-to-day life. They didn’t text. Didn’t like pictures on Facebook. Just didn’t . . . do anything.
One of my pet-peeves is passive-aggressive behavior. The silent treatment doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t understand it. “Just say-it-already” is my motto. But they haven’t said it.
Then again, I haven’t either.
I’ve thought about being blunt and asking, “What’s going on?”, but secretly I think I know the answer, and it’s nothing I can fix. And I’m pretty sure I know the response. “Nothing. What do you mean? I’m busy, too. Just because you have a baby doesn’t mean you’re now special.”
No, but it does mean that for this season, since this tiny new life moved into our home, I need you to be my friend. And maybe just a smidgen more of you than normal.
During this time of being friendship dumped, I was given a book called Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?: 6 Effective Skills for Dealing with Difficult People by Shelley Hendrix.
Oh. My. Goodness.
I had never read a Christian book written primarily on female friendships, but, to be honest, I thought it would include the same advice given to me since middle school – don’t gossip, don’t act snooty, treat people nicely.
However, it was nothing like I thought.
Shelley starts the book not by focusing on how to fix all the relationships in our lives, but by turning the issues inward and focusing on ourselves as image bearers of Jesus. She doesn’t use canned answers from pop-psychology, but she takes God’s Word and unfolds it so that we can see how what we believe about God and ourselves affects how we respond or react in relationships.
Shelley says, “When you know who you are, you’ll know what to do. When we don’t know who we are, we spend our time, energy, and resources trying to ‘fix’ the people and circumstances in our lives. We shift blame, we manipulate, we pout, we make concessions. Knowing who we are frees us from this damaging cycle and frees us to be fulfilled and active participants in the Body of Christ.” p. 28
By starting with myself and Jesus, I reflected on my own friendship problems in a new light. Instead of staying in bitterness quicksand, I focused on the one person I can change and the one person I am responsible for fulfilling God’s call – myself.
Shelley goes on in her book to unpack six effective skills to use when dealing with difficult people. Again, each of them were straight from God’s Word.
This is where I gained new perspective.
Yes, I have been very hurt by several friendships recently. I can get really angry about them if I think about them long enough. However, there’s nothing I can do to change another person – to heal her, change her opinion, or make her see circumstances my way.
All I can do is be the friend I want her to be to me.
So that’s what I’ve done. In the past few weeks, I have tried to be more intentional in my friendships to be supportive, encouraging, and prayerful. I’ve tried to ask my friends what they need help with, and I’ve tried to reach out to them more instead of waiting for them to come to me.
To be honest, it hasn’t always been reciprocated, but as Shelley’s book has shown me, I don’t answer to my friends, I answer to God. And He wants to me to live friendships like He would live them.
I am BEYOND THRILLED to be giving away one free copy of Shelley Hendrix’s book What Can’t We All Just Get Along? because I believe in this book so much! EVERY WOMAN NEEDS THIS BOOK! I don’t say that about every book, but I mean those words without any hesitation.
This book is jammed pack of Biblical insights to help us live our friendships the way God intends. There is so much Biblical truth in it, and you can even use it as a personal or group Bible study!
Now share with us, what’s your biggest struggle in female friendships?
-
All Dressed Up
Have you read New York Times bestseller Don Piper’s amazing story 90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Life and Death? Well, I am thrilled to introduce to you his wife Eva Piper’s new book A Walk Through the Dark. Read how her church community became the hands and feet of Jesus to her and her family during the most intense time in their lives. And be sure to visit her website EvaPiper.com to reserve your copy today!
Every young girl dreams of being asked to their first dance. Our daughter, Nicole, was no exception. When a young man from her junior high school asked if he could take her to the school Valentine’s Day Dance she was thrilled. The plan was to go with several of their friends from school and church. One of the parents would drive them to the school and another would pick them up when the dance was over. I could hear the excitement in her voice when she called to tell me all about it and ask if it was okay to go. I knew the young man along with the other young people, so I gave my consent. As I hung up the phone my mind drifted back to my first dance and how special it had felt to be all dressed up. That’s when I felt the bottom drop out of my joy.
Nicole’s dad as still in the hospital recovering from a horrific accident where he had been hit head-on by an 18 wheeler just weeks before. I had spent the past few weeks there in the hospital with him. Don had finally been moved from the ICU but his status remained serious. I felt I needed to be there in case something happened. Taking the time to go on a shopping trip was not possible. How was I going to help Nicole get ready for the dance and still stay close to Don? Nicole never complained or asked for a new outfit but I wanted her to have one. Like any mother I wanted my little girl to have special memories of her first dance, new dress and all. I was torn between my roles of wife and mother. I wanted to be there for Nicole but I had to be there for Don.
A few days later the phone rang in Don’s hospital room. I picked it up and said hello. On the other end was our pastor’s secretary. It was not unusual to have the church calling to check on Don’s progress so I prepared to answer all the normal questions. The conversation took a very different turn. One of the other secretaries had a daughter who was a close friend of Nicole. Apparently in talking the topic of the Valentine’s Dance had come up. I listened as this wonderful, sensitive, Christian woman volunteered to take Nicole to the mall to shop for a new dress. She knew I was spending all my time with Don and wanted to help. Once again our church family was reaching out to us by seeing our needs and reacting to them. I thanked her and hung up the phone knowing God had once again provided for a need that to some would seem frivolous. But to my mother’s heart it was significant.
The next day Nicole was picked up at school and driven to the mall. Together this kind friend helped her pick out the perfect dress. She then insisted no outfit is complete without new shoes and jewelry so those were added. On the day of the dance Nicole was treated to having her hair done. She says she felt like a princess and when I look at the pictures from that night I have to agree. It was a fairytale come true complete with a fairy godmother.
When asked what she remembers most about the time of her dad’s accident and recovery, this story is at the top of Nicole’s list. Our friend not only helped Nicole have a wonderful evening, she reached out to a young mother who was struggling. She stepped in to fill a gap when I wasn’t able.
As I write in my book A Walk Through the Dark :
That’s the way the Bible wants us to behave. Paul referred to the church as a human body on several occasions. He said that each member is important, and if one part hurts, the whole body suffers.
For more than a year, I saw the constant flow of the spiritual body of Jesus Christ trying to take away our pain.
Including a kind woman who saw a need and took a young girl shopping.
About Eva Piper:Eva Piper is a speaker and author with a unique insight into the trials of heartache and the triumph of overcoming. The wife of best-selling author Don Piper, Eva was the glue that held her broken husband and her family together. Don’s story, recounted in the New York Times bestseller, 90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Life and Death, is Eva’s story too. A teacher of 34 years, she and Don now live in Pasadena, Texas. Visit http://evapiper.com/ to reserve your copy today!
