Brenda Rodgers

Category: Raising Girls

  • When Your Girl is Struggling and You Don’t Know What to Do

    When Your Girl is Struggling and You Don’t Know What to Do

    My girl’s had a hard few months. She’s been struggling. It’s led me to meet Jesus in her room late at night when she doesn’t even know I’m there to pray fierce prayers. Should I toughen up or show mercy? What is it that this girl of mine needs? I honestly don’t know.

    Tonight our good friends from North Carolina sent EG this letter that her daughter wrote at school. Our girls met as one-year-olds. Despite different temperaments, they became fast friends turned best friends. EG calls her “sister.” Her mom became my close friend, too.

    When I showed the letter to EG all of her emotions from the past few months came flowing out. She busted out crying, saying that she never gets to see her closest friend, her “sister.” My heart broke for my girl. I sat holding her, her head on my shoulder, crying with her.

    My girl has to suffer to meet Jesus.

    I know that my girl has to suffer in order to truly meet Jesus. Otherwise, she’ll never know her need for a Savior. I know this because that’s my story. But boy, I hate it. For the most part, motherhood has been smooth sailing until now. But it’s getting harder. Everyone said it would like they said the time goes by fast so enjoy it and you point your finger down your throat to gag. You’re so tired of hearing it.

    Now my girl is dealing with real-life, big girl issues. And you know what? Some of them are issues that I’m still struggling with as a 42-years-old woman. I think that’s been the strangest part. Sure, they’re more “mature” at 42, but I feel what she feels. I think the way she thinks. Why am I dealing with the same issues I dealt with 30 years ago? Do they ever go away?

    Even if these issues never fully go away over my girl’s life, I want God’s truth to bury deep roots into her soul so that at least she has the tools to think truth and move on quickly. I want her to be emotionally intelligent and mature.

    If I can’t find the words for my girls, I want to give them my presence.

    When Your Girl is Struggling and You Don't Know What to Do

    As I sat there holding my girl I searched for the perfect words to say. But I had none. So I just held her. And let her cry. For the first time, I can’t make it better. I have to let her sit in her sadness. Growing up I missed this. I don’t remember being held as I cried. Instead, I remember being left alone to deal with it. If I can’t find the words for my girls, I want to give them my presence.

    In the same way, God does not always speak to us. We don’t always know the answers, the next right thing to do, the choice we should make. Sometimes we have to sit in our sadness knowing that His presence never wavers. He’s always right there, holding us, even when we don’t hear Him or even feel Him. If my girls experience my unwavering presence, I pray that they begin to know God’s unwavering presence.

    I pray that my girls know God’s unwavering presence.

    There will be a day when I am not able to physically be with my girls when they’re suffering. I want to prepare them for that day by being the best example of God’s love that I can be for them now. So for now when my girls are struggling and I don’t know what to do, I’ll hold them.

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  • A Morning Playlist to Remind Your Daughter of Her Identity

    A Morning Playlist to Remind Your Daughter of Her Identity

    Every morning we have about a twenty-minute commute to my daughters’ schools. The first drop-off is to my oldest girl’s school. She’s in kindergarten. The second drop-off is to my youngest girl’s preschool. I wanted to use our time in the car wisely, so I made a Morning Playlist for us to listen to.

    Several months ago we subscribed to Amazon Music. It has become one of the things I wouldn’t want to live without. There’s practically every song you could imagine right at your fingertips. This includes children’s Bible songs, soundtracks, learning songs, and of course my favorites (give me some good alternative music, but no country, please!).

    The songs in our Morning Playlist remind my girls and me of our identity in Christ before our day starts. Listening to these songs has become our most favorite thing to do in the morning and something the girls look forward to.

    Whether you use Amazon Music or another music subscription service, download these songs for your commute tomorrow morning!

    Our Morning Playlist

    “Wonderfully Made” by Ellie Holcomb

    “You Are Loved” by Ellie Holcomb

    “Be Kind to Yourself” by Andrew Peterson

    “You are Enough” by Sleeping at Last

    “You Say” by Lauren Daigle

    “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” by Seeds Family Worship

    “Wonderfully Made” by Seeds Family Worship

    “A Woman Who Fears the Lord” by Seeds Family Worship

    What songs about our identity in Christ would you add to this list? I’d love to hear! Leave a comment or email me.

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  • Overnight Camp – The Hardest Parenting Decision I’ve Ever Made

    Overnight Camp – The Hardest Parenting Decision I’ve Ever Made

    Last week I made the hardest parenting decision I’ve ever made. I fretted about it for a whole year, prayed about it, asked advice about it, researched it, changed my mind about it a few times, and then fretted about it some more. In the end, I decided to let my girl go to overnight camp this summer.

    I savored those last days of pregnancy before my oldest girl was born. I thought to myself that her birth would be a symbol of the rest of her life. She’d move increasingly away from me the older she grew. And that’s what happened. At two-years-old she ran away from me more than towards me. Then she became a preschooler, and I dropped her off at her first birthday party by herself. Now here she is going to overnight camp.

    If you ask moms to tell you their biggest fears as far as their children are concerned, you’ll probably hear different answers. However, I imagine that a common fear would be the fear of their children being abused in some way. This is my biggest fear. The thought of my girls being sexually abused sends me into an alter ego where I don’t even recognize myself. There is a rage within me that makes my knees fall pleading with God to spare them from this trauma.

    However, I know I can’t keep my girls in perpetual bubbles. As scary as the world is, it is also big and beautiful. Recently I listened to an episode on the podcast “The Next Right Thing” (episode two). The creator of the podcast talked about how there are many reasons to make decisions to do things or not to do things. However, fear should never be one of the reasons.

    One of my goals for my girls is for them to live with wisdom but without fear. Caution, discernment, and intuition are different from fear. In my experience, fear doesn’t mean something’s wrong. Many decisions I’ve made scared me, but they were none less right decisions.

    Instead, I want my girls to go where God sends them, fulfilling the calling He gives them, and honoring who He created them to be. This was my reason for letting my oldest girl go to overnight camp.

    My oldest girl is the most interesting person I know. She’s brave and bold and friendly and full of deep love for people. She’s fiercely independent, a leader, and always looking for ways to display her uniqueness. When I told her she wouldn’t know anyone at overnight camp, she looked at me square in the eyes and said, “Well, I’ll meet a lot of new friends.” I’ve never met anyone like her, and I love her just the way she is.

    When this opportunity came up I thought it would be perfect for her. She could explore her independence in a positive, controlled environment, for a short period of time. It’s two nights, not two or three weeks like many summer camps. Nevertheless, fear suffocated me. All the thoughts went through my mind and that rage in my bones popped up as I imagined what could happen.

    I changed my mind a few times, but in the end I decided to let her go. I cannot tell you how excited she is. Everyday she says she can’t wait till summer so that she can go to overnight camp.

    Did I make the right choice? I don’t know. There are many people, even friends, and family, who will say that I am crazy to send my girl off to camp by herself. And maybe I am. But I didn’t want fear to make my decision for me. I didn’t want fear to be my reason because that same fear will be there for anything she wants to do as she grows up. If I think long enough I can become terrified of every milestone she’ll face in life.

    At one point my girl looked at me and said, “Are you scared to let me go, Mama?” I didn’t want her to see fear be my reason. I wanted her to see that we make wise choices filled with prayer, research, and discernment, but that are also sometimes scary. Life is scary. But God is with us. He shelters us with His wings and protects us with His faithfulness (Psalm 91:4). I’m faithful I’m doing right by my girl. God is with her. She’s fearfully and wonderfully made, and He’s building her up for a glorious future of service to Him.

    (This is a book that I like and that I’ve used with my girls. This is my affiliate link, so I receive a small profit at no extra cost to you when you make a purchase. Please read my privacy policy here.)

     

  • Why It’s Good When My Girls Have Different Beliefs Than Their Friends

    Why It’s Good When My Girls Have Different Beliefs Than Their Friends

    On the way home from my best friend’s house my daughter said to me, “Mom, [my friend’s girls] told me that they believe the wine turns into Jesus’ blood and the bread turns into Jesus’ body during communion! Do we believe that?”

    Right there I was like, “Huh?” How unusual for little girls, all seven-years-old and under, to be talking about the Catholic Eucharist. On the two-hour drive home I expected some chill time, not a theology lesson.when girls have different beliefs than their friends

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  • This New Year, Let’s Break-Up with Food Plans, Dieting, and Bondage

    This New Year, Let’s Break-Up with Food Plans, Dieting, and Bondage

    It’s three days until a new year starts. If you’re like most other people, one of your goals for the new year has something to do with food, exercise, and health – all good goals. I’m right there with you. Except for this year, I’m breaking up with all of it. This post explains why.

    First I have to tell you, I have no answers. I want to say that upfront. What I do have is a lifetime of evidence and unintentional research because of my personal experience.

     The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners” Isaiah 61:1

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  • Should We Forbid Our Children from Giving Gifts to Make Other People Comfortable?

    Should We Forbid Our Children from Giving Gifts to Make Other People Comfortable?

    When I was growing up my mom gave everyone she came into contact with during the Christmas season a gift. Teachers, coaches, nurses, bus drivers, office staff, doctors, sanitation workers. You name them, and she gave them a gift. That gift usually consisted of a 50 cents box of chocolate-covered-cherries wrapped and tied with a bow. Or, since she cross-stitched, sewed, and crafted, something homemade.

    I got my obsession with Christmas gift-giving from my mom. I don’t give as many as she did, but I have a rock in my gut if I go anywhere during December without a gift. Just last week I went to see my counselor for the last time before January. I brought her a gift. She said, “You’re not supposed to bring your counselor a gift.” I thought, “Oh, yes I am. I’m a product of my mother!” It’s fun to give gifts.

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