The other day I read another blog post that made tension in my body rise from my toes. This time it was about our culture and politics and lawmaking. Basically how the tapestry of our society is changing faster than we can write the next blog post rant.
Lately I’ve wanted to pack up my husband and baby girl and head for some cornfields to insulate myself from all these changes to come in the future. You know, a place so far away that we have to “go to town” to see the real world.
Ahhh, just the thought of it makes the tension go away.
But I know God did not call me to tension or hiding or fearing or giving-up.
He called me for such a time as this.
Read more about how I’m afraid of the future for my daughter and how I’m dealing with my fears in my post at MoretoBe.com.
When I graduated college I felt prepared enough for marriage and even motherhood. After all, since I was two-years-old I played with dolls and watched my mom. It wasn’t long afterwards that I answered the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, with “a mommy”. A husband and children were my dream.
What I wasn’t prepared for is what life offered me instead – a prolonged season of singleness.
No one prepared me for living on my own, making decisions on my own, the intense loneliness I would feel, or wondering if I just wasn’t worth a husband. And no one prepared me for how to live my single life with purpose and confidence and integrity. I just wasn’t prepared.
There are many blogs to help moms prepare their daughters to be homemakers, wives, and mothers. But shouldn’t we also be preparing our daughters for singleness? Afterall, the age of first-time marriages is increasing, and as much as we want to pretend this won’t be our daughter’s story, it most likely will be.
Wyatt Fisher, Psy.D from ChristianCrush.com is back talking about online dating and real life! Be sure to check out Christian Crush and leave us a question about online dating in the comments!
The hard part of online dating isn’t finding other single people. That’s actually the easiest part, since they’re everywhere. No, in all reality, the most difficult element of online dating is talking to and having fun with the people you do meet. It’s apparently so tricky that in New York City you can take a class with the Nonverbal Group, a company that essentially teaches basic social skills to anyone who is willing to learn.
Dating digitally is the perfect solution for people who have exhausted their resources and need help finding a date. But thanks to that same digital power, it seems that many people have subsequently lost their social savvy. New York Magazine writer Kat Stoeffel explored the backlash of online dating and found that more people than ever feel uncomfortable if there isn’t a computer or smartphone in between them and their date.
The first time I thought about modesty was a few years ago. The subject took to the blog-world and everyone started debating it. Before that modesty was a non-issue in my life. My style never allowed me to really push the limits with immodest clothes. I’m more of a Banana Republic girl myself – clean, classic, timeless. Modesty is just not one of my struggles, even though I can name a dozen other areas that take its place.
Then I had my baby girl. When you have a baby you begin to think the most bizarre thoughts you never even considered before. Suddenly the gap between “maybe acceptable” and “not-at-all acceptable” tightens. This happened for me when I went to buy her first swimsuit.
I was a terrible person to break-up with when I was single. I had three significant relationships before I got married and in every one of them I did everything short of get on my hands and knees and beg the guy to choose me. Just think of the girl on The Bachelor who doesn’t get the rose, gets into the limo, and then hyperventilates through her tears. Yep, that was me. I was a broken girl. One day I’ll tell you more stories about that girl – stories that will shock you and embarrass me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why I acted the way I did when guys broke up with me. It’s painful to think that I begged guys to choose me. But you know what? I’m still that broken girl.
I wish I could say that I’m free from the bondage of begging to be chosen, but I’m not. On Wednesdays I go to Bible Study Fellowship (which I highly recommend to you). There are a group of “cool moms” there. They’re young, in their late twenties/early thirties, they wear leggings and scarves and knee-high boots, and they all sit together. I smile at them and they half smile back probably wondering why I have a big cheesy smile on my face. I so want to be a part of their group. But at 37 I’m just not. It doesn’t matter that I have a 15-month-old too. I sit there with a jealous knot in my stomach hoping one day they’ll choose me.
Then there’s the online crowd. Out here in blog world there is an in-crowd just like in “real life”. The Christian women bloggers who chat over Twitter. I’ll send a tweet to one of these ladies then check my phone every two minutes to see if they tweeted me back. But nothing. My heart sinks.
My desire to be chosen also sits closer to home. My mom passed away three years ago. Since that time I no longer have a mom-figure in my life – no one who is in my corner always. I hear these stories of older women going up to younger women and saying things like, “God just told me that I was supposed to be your mentor.” I wish an older women would choose me.
The stories don’t end there. For most of my life I’ve just wanted to be chosen.
Today is Valentine’s Day, and you may feel the same way. More than anything you just want to be chosen by someone. You want someone to reach out his hand to tell you you’re accepted and loved and special.
I know that feeling, and I also know the thoughts that accompany it. “What’s wrong with me?”, “I’ll never find anybody!”, “Nobody will ever just like me for me.”, “I’m going to be single for the rest of my life!”, “Maybe I’m too . . . (you fill in the blank).”
Sometimes I struggle with writing truth to you because I hate pat answers, and I don’t want to give you a roll-your-eyes, “that’s what everyone says” answer too. But in this case there’s only one way to say it.
Those thoughts you’re having about why you’re not chosen? They’re straight out lies from the enemy. Bold-faced lies to destroy you.
And it’s time to bind them up and throw them out.
If you have to sit and read these verses over and over to yourself tonight or this weekend or any day after this, then I want you do it. Let God’s Word sink in and transform your mind.
Because you are chosen. Chosen by almighty God himself. If you were the only person on earth, He still would have come to earth to die on the cross. For you. Just for you. He loves you that much.
Whether single or married or somewhere in between, there will always be times when we are not chosen by this world and the people in it. But if we remember God’s truth, then we will not make decisions out of the feelings those times bring. Instead we’ll stand up and say, “I’m not chosen by this world, but I’m chosen by God, and God is where my home lies.”
Bible verses so you know you’re chosen:
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love” Ephesians 1:3-4
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.” John 15:16
“For you are a people holy to the Lord your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.” Deuteronomy 14:2
A few weeks ago I wrote about How to Start Reading the Bible because if we want a relationship with Jesus it’s best to go straight to the source – His Word. And that is what we all want, right? We want to know Jesus intimately and personally. That’s His desire for us as well. The Bible is His love story to us and He wants us to read it.
But reading the Bible isn’t easy. I won’t pretend like it is. It can be quite intimidating. So I wanted to give you some practical ways to start reading the Bible and some ideas that have helped me.
This past weekend IF:Gathering hosted the first conference in Austin, Texas and all over the world in local gatherings. I didn’t go to Austin (but how awesome would that have been) or attend a local gathering, but I’ve been frantically trying to watch the online livestream of the talks. They are disappearing after Monday, so by the time you read this they’ll be gone. However, you can buy the download copy here. Some of the speakers were Christine Caine, Ann Voskamp, Rebekah Lyons, Bianca Olthoff, Jennie Allen, Jen Hatmaker – and others.
But today is starting something new with IF. It’s IF:Equip. This is the next step to learn more about Jesus, to become more like Jesus, and to serve others with the love of Jesus. The process is simple. All the details are right here. They’re starting in the book of John.
So if you haven’t started reading your Bible yet, now’s your opportunity – with a community of women who are seeking the same thing you are – Jesus!
This website uses cookies for tracking purposes. If you continue to use this site we assume you're happy with it.
