So often my prayers contradict themselves. For instance, I ask God to give me patience while at the same time praying that there’s not a line at the grocery store. The circumstance that God may want to use to answer my first prayer, I’m asking Him to not use in my second prayer.
Only recently did I realize that this is what I did as a single woman, too.
Today I’m sharing my story for Single Saturday at Woman to Woman Ministries. Join me there . . .
You often hear the phrase “fight for your marriage”. There are tons of blog posts, books, conferences, and sermons to equip you to do just that. But the more I talk to single women, the more I realize that marriage is not the only season of life that needs fighting for. You must fight for your singleness, too.
I have the privilege to know several women in my personal life and online who are single. Some are just starting out in their early 20’s. Some are in their 30’s, and even others are in their 40’s. When I sit down with them over coffee and through email, I hear their anxiousness, frustration, and fear. I sense a feeling of hopelessness.
We talk a lot in Christian circles about our churches being under attack, our marriages being under attack, our children being under attack. But, single woman, I want to warn you. You are under attack, too, in a vital way.
One trend I’ve noticed in my personal life when it comes to the enemy’s attacks is that they often come when something has potential. For example, a few years ago I went to the She Speaks writing conference where I met with a few publishers and presented a book proposal. The weeks leading up to the conference I was busy writing and preparing. If you know anything about book proposals, writing them is no small job. However, during those weeks something else was going on. My home was in shambles. My husband and I were fighting and arguing – the worst I had ever experienced. It was awful.
Then, on a training call with one of the conference presenters, she told us to not be surprised if leading up to the conference we felt the enemy’s attacks. She reminded us that the enemy wants to “steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10)” our potential to spread God’s truth and be a disciple for Jesus.
You have great potential as a single woman, and the enemy wants to steal, kill, and destroy the potential he sees in you.
Any time a woman is faced with a trial or temptation she has the choice to rely on God and show that His grace is sufficient for her or shirk back and take matters into her own hands. We take matters into our own hands in many ways. We go to . . .
Right now your singleness may be a trial or a temptation for you. You may desperately want to be married. You may be full of fear for the future. You may be so discontent and lost that you don’t even know what to do with yourself. But God sees great potential in you.
He sees a woman who has the opportunity to experience Himself through her weakness. He sees a woman who has the opportunity to show others that His presence is the sustainer of all life even in the midst of trials. He sees a woman who has the opportunity to build a never-ending legacy for her future family and the people around her through her choices now, her integrity now, and her commitment to Him now.
God sees great potential in you. He wants to use you.
The enemy wants to steal, kill, and destroy you.
You must fight for your singleness. You must hold onto it with endurance and allow God’s grace to be made perfect in your weakness. God has amazing things He wants to do in you and through you. Don’t allow the enemy to take that away.
One step you can take is join us for a summer online Bible study starting May 28th! We’re reading Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and meeting here on the blog and in a private Facebook group to discuss it. You do not have to buy a book. It will help you go deeper, but each week I will post “homework” for you to use. Read all the details here, and be sure to email me if you have any questions!
Do you ever feel like you’re trying to just survive being single?
Maybe you’re going through the motions of your life just waiting for “one day” to happen but you’re not even really sure if “one day” will ever get here. Or you continue to date one wrong guy after another. Or maybe instead of taking the risk of going somewhere alone you stay home but still feel lonely. Then there are all the decisions you have to make by yourself. Should I buy a house or should I not buy a house? Should I change jobs or keep the job I have? The list goes on.
Wyatt Fisher, Psy.D from ChristianCrush.com is back talking about online dating and real life! Be sure to check out Christian Crush and leave us a question about online dating in the comments!
The hard part of online dating isn’t finding other single people. That’s actually the easiest part, since they’re everywhere. No, in all reality, the most difficult element of online dating is talking to and having fun with the people you do meet. It’s apparently so tricky that in New York City you can take a class with the Nonverbal Group, a company that essentially teaches basic social skills to anyone who is willing to learn.
Dating digitally is the perfect solution for people who have exhausted their resources and need help finding a date. But thanks to that same digital power, it seems that many people have subsequently lost their social savvy. New York Magazine writer Kat Stoeffel explored the backlash of online dating and found that more people than ever feel uncomfortable if there isn’t a computer or smartphone in between them and their date.
Years ago I’d get into these conversations, usually around the holidays, with family or friends, and I’d say, “Well, when I get married . . . ” then before I could finish my sentence I would pause and stutter and think, “Should I say ‘when’ or maybe I should say ‘if’, ” then I’d backtrack, “I mean if I get married.”
I wanted to be real about the fact that I may not get married. But at the same time the word if left me feeling defeated and hopeless. The rest of the day I’d worry, “What if I don’t get married?” and a dozen scenarios would ruminate through my mind.
Mixed messages abound in the Christian-singles-world about the desire for marriage.
You’re expected to desire marriage and pursue it above all else when you’re young. Marriage is the ultimate goal, and there’s no greater calling on a person’s life. That is until you start squeaking up against 30. Then the rules change.
As you get older, and marriage is still unforeseeable, you’re told you should just quit pining over it and move on, that the desire dilutes your love for God and reveals a heart of idolatry, and Jesus should just be enough.
I’m here to tell you, both of these messages are wrong. Why? Because they’re rooted in shame. Shame on you for not getting married right out of college and then shame on you for even wanting to get married. Jesus is the antithesis of shame.
