What do you think is the biggest mistake women can make while dating? Premarital sex? Moving in together? Being unequally yoked? Today I’m featured on ChristianCrush.com sharing the answer to this question and it’s probably not what you think.
Head on over and join me there . . . but before you leave leave a comment. What do you think is the biggest mistake women can make while dating?
One of my goals here on this site it to be a resource and point you to other places around the web that might be beneficial. I was listening to a few Focus on the Family podcasts about singleness this past weekend (which I want to write more about later), and I heard about this conference/meet-up that Boundless is hosting called Pursuit. I’m not at all affiliated with it, but I thought you might like to know about it and maybe you can even go! I believe it’s their first conference.
So here’s the link to all the details!
If you’re not familiar with Boundless, I highly recommend it! It is a wonderful ministry with tons of great resources for singles!
The first time I thought about modesty was a few years ago. The subject took to the blog-world and everyone started debating it. Before that modesty was a non-issue in my life. My style never allowed me to really push the limits with immodest clothes. I’m more of a Banana Republic girl myself – clean, classic, timeless. Modesty is just not one of my struggles, even though I can name a dozen other areas that take its place.
Then I had my baby girl. When you have a baby you begin to think the most bizarre thoughts you never even considered before. Suddenly the gap between “maybe acceptable” and “not-at-all acceptable” tightens. This happened for me when I went to buy her first swimsuit.
I was a terrible person to break-up with when I was single. I had three significant relationships before I got married and in every one of them I did everything short of get on my hands and knees and beg the guy to choose me. Just think of the girl on The Bachelor who doesn’t get the rose, gets into the limo, and then hyperventilates through her tears. Yep, that was me. I was a broken girl. One day I’ll tell you more stories about that girl – stories that will shock you and embarrass me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why I acted the way I did when guys broke up with me. It’s painful to think that I begged guys to choose me. But you know what? I’m still that broken girl.
I wish I could say that I’m free from the bondage of begging to be chosen, but I’m not. On Wednesdays I go to Bible Study Fellowship (which I highly recommend to you). There are a group of “cool moms” there. They’re young, in their late twenties/early thirties, they wear leggings and scarves and knee-high boots, and they all sit together. I smile at them and they half smile back probably wondering why I have a big cheesy smile on my face. I so want to be a part of their group. But at 37 I’m just not. It doesn’t matter that I have a 15-month-old too. I sit there with a jealous knot in my stomach hoping one day they’ll choose me.
Then there’s the online crowd. Out here in blog world there is an in-crowd just like in “real life”. The Christian women bloggers who chat over Twitter. I’ll send a tweet to one of these ladies then check my phone every two minutes to see if they tweeted me back. But nothing. My heart sinks.
My desire to be chosen also sits closer to home. My mom passed away three years ago. Since that time I no longer have a mom-figure in my life – no one who is in my corner always. I hear these stories of older women going up to younger women and saying things like, “God just told me that I was supposed to be your mentor.” I wish an older women would choose me.
The stories don’t end there. For most of my life I’ve just wanted to be chosen.
Today is Valentine’s Day, and you may feel the same way. More than anything you just want to be chosen by someone. You want someone to reach out his hand to tell you you’re accepted and loved and special.
I know that feeling, and I also know the thoughts that accompany it. “What’s wrong with me?”, “I’ll never find anybody!”, “Nobody will ever just like me for me.”, “I’m going to be single for the rest of my life!”, “Maybe I’m too . . . (you fill in the blank).”
Sometimes I struggle with writing truth to you because I hate pat answers, and I don’t want to give you a roll-your-eyes, “that’s what everyone says” answer too. But in this case there’s only one way to say it.
Those thoughts you’re having about why you’re not chosen? They’re straight out lies from the enemy. Bold-faced lies to destroy you.
If you have to sit and read these verses over and over to yourself tonight or this weekend or any day after this, then I want you do it. Let God’s Word sink in and transform your mind.
Because you are chosen. Chosen by almighty God himself. If you were the only person on earth, He still would have come to earth to die on the cross. For you. Just for you. He loves you that much.
Whether single or married or somewhere in between, there will always be times when we are not chosen by this world and the people in it. But if we remember God’s truth, then we will not make decisions out of the feelings those times bring. Instead we’ll stand up and say, “I’m not chosen by this world, but I’m chosen by God, and God is where my home lies.”
Bible verses so you know you’re chosen:
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love” Ephesians 1:3-4
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.” John 15:16
“For you are a people holy to the Lord your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.” Deuteronomy 14:2
Valentine’s Day is not my favorite holiday. Never has been. It seems to bring a lot of expectation without much delivery. I mean, the colors are perfect. Pink and red are my favorites. But honestly that’s about it. The season’s all wrong, the candy’s not that great, and it’s quite exculsive – a snob-holiday, if you will.
The Valentine’s Day inner-circle says that unless you’re dating someone or married you’re not invited to the party – no Valentine’s Day for you. Just turn on the T.V. or walk through the mall. Everyone is trying to sell you something to make your night more romantic.
As a single woman I was not a part of the Valentine’s Day inner-circle. Except for the year I was engaged, I can’t remember having a date on Valentine’s Day. The only cards and candy I received were from my first graders whom I taught. And maybe my mom.
I am beyond excited to introduce you to my dear online friend – Emily Enockson! Emily and I served as co-leaders for a one of (in)courage’s online community groups for single women a few years ago. Emily is who I wish I was when I was a single woman! She is living an abundant life as a single woman through work, ministry, serving, and hospitality. Emily is full of joy and teaches me so much! I asked her to share with you today the importance of hospitality for a single woman and how she does it. So sit back and enjoy Emily’s words! And be sure to check out her blog! She is a wonderful example for all single women!
Last Spring when I moved into a little cottage on the lake, my prayer was that it would be a place of respite to all who entered. God has answered this prayer beyond what I could ask or imagine. Often after I’ve hosted a dinner party or had a friend stay for the weekend, I’ll receive a thank you note. Yet, it feels like I’m the one who has been given the greatest gift. Through opening the door of my home, God has revealed His perfect love and grace to me. When my fresh raspberry scones turn blue or the dishes are piled high in the sink and company is 1 hour early, God gently reminds me that His grace is sufficient in weakness. God’s unconditional love is shown through conversation, tears, and truth spoken in my tiny but lovely living room.
The art of hospitality and homemaking can often be pushed aside until someone is married. However, we are all created for community, to live life along side of people. Single, married, extrovert, introvert, student, or professional –we are all called to pursue hospitality.
1 Peter 4:9-10 says “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied Grace.”
Hospitality literally means “fond of guests”. Did you catch that? Fond of guests, not perfect table linens or scented candles. It can be easy to result to the trap of comparison and invite a new friend to Starbucks, instead of into your home. However, something unique happens when we choose to invite someone into our homes (dust bunnies and all!). I have found that conversation is a little deeper, truth a little more clear and the laughter louder when we are at home.
In this passage we are not just encouraged to welcome people into our homes cheerfully, but to use our unique gifts to serve others. If you have a heart for young women consider hosting a Bible study, or if you are a talented cook invite neighbors over for a delicious homemade meal. Hospitality may look different for everyone, but the common thread is the focus is on the relationship and not the rushing. Friend, whatever season you are in I encourage you to take a step of faith and cheerfully practice the art of hospitality. Remember, the goal of hospitality is not perfection, it’s showing grace and love to each other.
Grace Notes: A few simple times that encourage GraceFull Hospitality.
Invite a friend over for a cup of tea and conversation. Focus on getting to know her more NOT whether your house looks perfect.
Next time you bake something, double the recipe and share it with your neighbors. You never know what God-moments may happen.
At your next dinner party, ask guests to bring a favorite appetizer or dessert. Less time in the kitchen doing prep work means more time with your guests, plus you may discover a new favorite!
Do a quick clean up on Sunday night, you’ll be able to welcome unexpected guests to your home, with joy and peace. Remember it doesn’t have to be PERFECT to be beautiful.
Hi friend, I’m Emily and I blog at www.AGraceFullHome.com. I am a 20-something, vintage-loving, book devouring, midwestern girl who depends on God’s grace daily. I am learning every day to live abundantly for Christ by serving my family in caring for my sweet sister who has special needs and helping start a non-profit nature based respite program for children with special needs. My hearts desire is to encourage women that life does not have to be perfect to be beautiful.
Do you practice hospitality often? Do you like it? What is the hardest part for you?
I want to encourage you to have some girlfriends over this Valentine’s Day! God doesn’t want us to live defeated but to live full of His presence! There’s no reason you can’t have a memorable, fun Valentine’s Day right where you are! Need some tips to get started? Check out this post: Fall in Love with Your Life.
