Category: For Single Women

This is the last week of our Sacred Singleness book study! Even though this book is written for single women, I have gained so much spiritual wisdom and truth from it. The bottom line – surrender your life to Christ. Whether single or married, no matter what life circumstance, the peace comes in between the faith and the surrender.

“If you have struggled with discontentment in your singleness, one of the best solutions outside of cultivating daily intimacy with Jesus Christ is to forget about yourself and focus instead on serving and loving people in need.” (Sacred Singleness, p. 148)

Chapter 11 gives very practical ways to serve others in your community and in the world. Here are a few practical examples given by Leslie: ways to help orphans, supporting adoption, getting involved in foster care, serving the poor in American and around the world, helping those enslaved, working with human trafficking organizations, helping the sick, and helping those imprisoned.

The list is endless.

In an upcoming guest post that I wrote for Megan at He Will Be Faithful to Complete It for her Singleness Saturday series, I talk about my biggest regret as a single woman, and this chapter outlines it as well.

I did not use my time wisely. 

Ladies, you have such a special gift that you don’t even realize you have. No, it doesn’t always take the pain away. Yes, you still yearn to be married. But Leslie is right when she says that serving is the best way to cure discontentment in singleness. It allows you to get outside of yourself and focus your attention on part two of Jesus’s only two commandments – love others.

I cannot encourage you enough to hear God’s voice. Ask Him for it and receive it. Fear cannot be a reason for not stepping forth and pursuing the call He has on your life now. Fear is the absence of faith. We have to believe in absolute faith that God knows what He is doing when He calls us to something – anything – whether it’s a season of singleness or serving in a way that’s outside of our comfort zones.

Single friends, your time is now. I encourage you to use it wisely. Ask God to show you how.

Do you have further questions, concerns, or fears about your season of singleness? Feel free to email me at brenda{at}triplebraidedlife{dot}com. 

 

We’re in Part 3 of Sacred Singleness, and today we are discussing chapters 9 and 10. These are my favorite chapters because they explain my biggest regret from my days as a single woman. I recently wrote a guess post for Megan at He Will Be Faithful to Complete It entitled “A Single Regret”. I do not know when it will be published, but it will be during Megan’s Singleness Saturdays series. In the meantime I encourage you to stop by her blog and read the encouraging words written during this series.

“She did not have a special call upon her life. Rather, she was simply living out the very same call God has placed upon each one of use who claim to know Him – utter abandonment to His purposes and absolute trust in His faithfulness.” (Sacred Singleness, p. 119)

Question 1: Leslie begins chapter 9 with a story about a Christian single woman named Lydia who abandons her desires to pursue the call God placed upon her to become a missionary.

Do you believe that each of us has the same calling? Not necessarily to become missionaries, but to be absolutely abandoned to His purposes no matter the cost?

One verse comes to mind when I read this question. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind” (Luke 10:27). The Bible is full of stories of people who were not abandoned to God and His purposes. Until we are fully abandoned to Him we will not discover our true calling, God’s true intention for our lives.

For me, I was afraid in many ways to be fully abandoned because I didn’t know what He might ask me to do. I liked my comfortable life, and I did not want that life disrupted. Now I know that this left me with a void – a void that could only be fulfilled by surrendering to what He wanted to for me instead of what I wanted for myself.

On page 125, Leslie gives specific ways to pray in order to begin living poured out for Jesus.

1. Ask Him to fill you with the Holy Spirit and supernaturally equip you.
2. Ask Him to reveal activities or habits that are not glorifying to Him.
3. Ask Him to show you anything that is distracting you from Him.
4. Ask Him to remove every stumbling block.

Question 2: Leslie writes that the best way to find a guy is to live for God and His purposes. Do you agree with this statement?

When I accepted this truth, I finally began to truly understand God’s heart for me. It is hard to realize it when as a single woman, but nothing else in life will fully satisfy you, and nothing else will be satisfying if you are not fully surrendered to God’s purposes. You will search filled with anxiety and confusion until you begin to live for His purposes alone.

“American mentalities train us that this life is all about our dreams, goals, and our ambitions. But that’s not true Christianity.” (Sacred Singleness p. 126)

Question 3: What are specific ways you can serve God and His people during your season of singleness?

In real life, I lead a group of single ladies’ through the small groups at our church. We have been reading and discussing Sacred Singleness. Last week we discussed chapter 9 and ways that we can specifically serve God and others in our lives and communities.

When I talked to one of my single friends later in the week, I was so happy (and proud) to hear that she has already contacted two organizations about service opportunities: the pregnancy center in our city and our church about serving with the middle and high school ministries. She is a true example of pursuing a life sold out and surrendered to Christ. She is committed to being a good steward of her time and her gift, right now, of singleness.

This week I want to challenge you to do the same. Make a list and then make the phone calls. The best way to overcome feelings of loneliness, fear, selfishness, etc. is to give your life for the good of someone else’s. In my guest post at He Will Be Faithful to Complete It (that I mentioned above), I list specific ways that you can do just this.

What are your ideas? How can you pour your life into others in order to pursue God with all of your heart, soul, and mind? Please share with us in the comments.

Next week we will discuss the last chapter – chapter 11!

We’re wrapping up part two of Sacred Singleness and discussing chapter 8 today. We’re answering the question, “Does God want me to be happy?” What do you think? Do you feel like God is denying you happiness? Let’s see what Leslie Ludy has to teach us through this chapter.

Question 1: How does the idea of giving up your life for the higher calling of what God desires for you make you feel? What would that look like in your every day life?

“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (Matthew 16:24)

For me, this is the hardest part in my Christian walk. But it does get easier the more I let go and surrender. I have found, personally, that surrendering to what God wants for me is much sweeter and filled with much more joy than I could ever imagine. That does not mean that life suddenly becomes perfect. What it does mean is that I no longer have to feel the burden to “make things happen”, which ultimately weighs me down anyway. It took me a long time to realize this promise and truth. It wasn’t until I was in my thirties that I finally was able to give up. Today I still struggle in areas other singleness, but with each desire I release I am able to accept so much more.

Question 2: Do you think of whining and complaining about your singleness as a sin? Is there a way to be honest about our feelings without sinning?

“Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” (Philippians 2:14-15)

This section of chapter 8 has the heading “Honesty or Sin?” (p. 108). I agreed with the overall point that Leslie was trying to make, but I would make a few distinctions. Through Jesus’ death on the Cross we have a relationship with God.  Of course there needs to be respect and reverence about going to the Almighty Creator of the universe, but I think He honors our honesty with Him. After all, He knows our true thoughts and feelings anyway! However, at the same time I think that our whining and complaining can lead to sin if we do not ask for help with being content and turn away from it. I think going to God with a honest, but contrite, heart does not lead to sin. It is when the actions continue without a realization that it leads us to be impure and full of blame that leads to sin.

How do these thoughts make you feel? What are you left thinking? I would love to hear from you in the comments.

Next week we will discuss chapters 9 and 10! Check back here for the discussion questions!

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Welcome back ladies! Today we’re discussing chapters six and seven of Part 2 of Sacred Singleness. These chapters were jammed packed with nuggets of wisdom on how to live a content life as a single woman – or really as a woman in any stage of life.

Next week we will wrap up Part 2 and only discuss one chapter – Chapter 8. 

Question 1: On pages 80-81, Leslie reminds us of the story of Abraham and Ishmael – the son he had with Sarah’s maidservant. Abraham could not understand how God could give him and his wife a hand in their old age, so he decided to help Him out.

“Are you trying to create an Ishmael of you own making? Are you attempting to give God a hand in finding a guy and getting married?” p. 81

“Here is the truth that many of us hesitate to really believe: If and when the time comes for us to be married, God will orchestrate the love story. But in the meantime, our focus is to be on serving Him and pouring our life out for Him, not on getting serious about getting married. The timing is up to Him, not us.” (Sacred Singleness, p. 78)

Chapter six opens up with the discussion of how much, if anything, women should do to find a man or get married. I was the queen of trying to orchestrate my life so that I would be in the perfect position to find a man. I moved three times while I was single, and if I’m honest it was mainly due to my discontentment and the fear of my future husband not being where I lived. The funny thing is that my husband lived 50 miles from where I lived when we met. Obviously God was in control!

And God is in control in your life too. All we are asked to do is trust Him. That does not mean that we can sit in our houses day in and day out and expect Mr. Right to just come knocking on the door. We need to build community through serving and building friendships, but not with the motive of pursuing marriage. I often say that anyone can find someone to marry. Getting a man to marry you is somewhat of the easy part. That is one reason that there are so many marriages that are not successful. It is waiting on God’s timing, God’s best for each us as individuals, and entering into marriage as a covenant with God that requires us to lay down our lives and be patient until He is ready to bring us our husbands. 

Question 2: Ask God to help you, and examine your heart right now. Is marriage and dating an obsession for you? Do you think about it all the time? Dream about it? Play scenario after scenario in your mind? Worry about when he’ll call again or over-analyze ever word you say to an unhealthy level?

“The Bible is perfectly clear: Anything that captures our heart, time, focus, and affection above Jesus Christ is an idol in our life. The desire to get married is not an idol in a young woman’s life, but the obsession with getting married is.” (Sacred Singleness, p. 96)

As a single woman, marriage was a definite idol in my life. I loved the idea of marriage and a husband more than I loved God. Yes, that’s a pretty profound statement, but it’s the truth. I have had to repent and ask for forgiveness. Idols, however, leave a person always wanting more and never being fully satisfied. Even if you are engaged to a man that God brought to you and is a part of His plan for you, if that man is an idol in any way, then you will feel the same void that you would feel without him. Only God can fulfill the longings of our hearts.

It is important to also mention that idolatry does not end in marriage. We can make idols out of anything – even good things like husbands and children. Ask God now to reveal to you whether you are making marriage and a husband an idol. Ask for forgiveness and help in turning from idolatry. Getting into the pattern of recognizing idolatry will help you not only now, but throughout your relationships.

Question 3: Surrendering your desires to God without becoming obsessed takes practice, and it is supernatural. Review Leslie’s list on page 97 of ways you can begin surrendering your desires to God. Which of these do you most need to do?

“I began to practice surrendering my feelings of attraction into God’s hands. Rather than obsess or fantasize about a guy, I learned how to pray for him and for his future wife. If I ever found that those emotions and desires started consuming me, I prayed for unsaved loved ones or meditated on Scripture in order to ‘take every thought captive’ and not allow my feelings to distract me from Jesus Christ. The more I put this principle in practice, the more it became habitual to submit my emotions and desires to Christ and not allow them to control me.” (Sacred Singleness, p. 97)

There are two principles that are so important for you to understand in this section. One, surrendering desires to God is supernatural. So often we feel like it is impossible and something we have to accomplish on our own. It is impossible. It is impossible to take a human, good, desire and give it back to God. That is without the Holy Spirit. But as Christians, we have everything we need within us through the power of the Holy Spirit.

The second principle to understand is surrendering takes practice. For me it is was, and still is, a daily occurrence. Every day I have to make the choice of whether I am going to surrender this life of mine to God’s will and purposes or continue to live like it’s my own. There is no doubt that God can, and sometimes does, take a burden from us once and for all. But more often He does not. He is more concerned about our growth than He is about our immediate happiness.

 What has this post or these chapters made you think about? How do you respond to these questions or the other ideas in chapters six and seven? Please share with us in the comments! 

Next week we will discuss chapter8! Get the discussion questions here:

Sacred Singleness – Chapter 8

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It’s Tuesday again! And we’re discussing chapters four and five this week of Sacred Singleness. There is so much to discuss that we will not talk about all of the questions – only a few. Please share with us this week how this book is speaking to you. If you aren’t reading along with us, still share your thoughts from today’s post. We learn from each other!

 

Question 1: What is your experience in your church today regarding singleness? Do you feel “overlooked and disregarded”?

“They [singles] come to church hoping to find love, support, and encouragement, but often the very people who should be cheering them on in their life of abandonment to Christ are the ones who overlook or disregard them because they are not married yet.” Sacred Singleness, p. 57

As a single adult I went to every type of church in existence – so it seemed! Some that had no singles’ ministry. Some that still only had “college and career”, and for some reason at twenty-eight I just didn’t seem to fit into. And then others that seemed to have finally gotten the single thing right and had a thriving ministry for singles.

But regardless of the type of ministry, one thing is true – the church’s purpose is not to serve you. The church’s purpose is for you to serve others. I wrote about this in the 31 Days of Peace-Filled Singleness series, and another article addressing singleness in the church is The Great Disappearing Singles Ministry. You will evidently be served because other people in the church are also called to serve. We are called to serve each other, our communities, and the world. But your goal should never be to find a church that serves you. It should be to find a church where you can best serve others and where others are doing the same.

With that said, it has been my experience that married women do not understand the importance of reaching out to unmarried women, and therefore do not do a very good job of serving them. I am not saying that this is a blanket rule. This is just my experience. I had a few wonderful married women friends who also were mentors to me, but for the most part married women seemed somewhat hesitant to get too close. I felt like they were a part of a secret club that I was not a part of yet. I often wonder if this was because of my insecurity or the reality. Probably a little bit of both.

That did not, though, give me a pass to not serve in my church or reach out or do what God was calling me to do. This was my cross that for that time I was meant to bear. God will give you everything you need to serve Him when you reach out to Him and ask. As we will learn in the chapters to come, this is supernatural. Finding contentment during singleness can only be done through God’s supernatural provision.

Question 2: The peace and joy you will experience by being consumed with God is supernatural. Does this free you from feeling like you have to achieve peace and joy on your own? Do you understand that it is nothing you can achieve on your own?

“Rather than being preoccupied with solving the dilemma of our singleness, God’s Word says we should be consumed with loving, knowing, serving, and worshipping Jesus Christ. He will supernaturally enable you with the joy and peace you need in order to walk this narrow road.” Sacred Singleness, p. 70

I suspect that some of you are skeptical of this whole “surrender it to God and you will find peace” thing. I know that I was. I loved God, believed God, and served God, but it was hard for me to understand how I could find peace outside of something that I desired so badly. What I didn’t understand is that I could not find peace and would not find peace. Only through the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit within me would I ever be able to experience peace and joy in a time in my life when peace and joy felt impossible.

Eventually I experienced His supernatural peace and joy. At first it came only in small snippets. Surrendering is a daily act of obedience – not a once-and-for-all solution.

 What has this post or these chapters made you think about? How do you respond to these questions or the other ideas in chapters four and five? Please share with us in the comments! 

Next week we will discuss chapters 6 and 7! Download the discussion questions here:

Sacred Singleness – Chapter 6

Sacred Singleness – Chapter 7

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We’re continuing our book study of Sacred Singleness today and discussing chapter 3. Chapter 3 is the last chapter in part one, and it continues the conversation about surrender.

Let’s get started!

Question 1: On pages 45 and 46 Leslie describes two different women. One who is embittered over her singleness and one who is radiant over her singleness. Which type of single woman are you? If you feel like you are radiant, do your thoughts and actions show that?

As a single woman I wore the radiant mask well. I was involved at church, served, had friends, and kept busy. But get into a conversation with me, and in about five minutes you would have heard otherwise. Just ask my girlfriends. I was extremely bitter about being single. All my mind focused on was meeting a guy or finding the right guy and ultimately when I would be married.

Another obvious place that my bitterness showed up was in the dating relationships that I had. I held men to such a high standard of meeting all of my needs that when the relationships did not work out I became angry. Not typical, normal, rejected-type of anger. No, anger that demanded that I never be hurt and came along with it a “how dare you hurt me” attitude. Rarely did I see my circumstances as God’s hand leading me.

“Jesus Christ is the One who ultimately satisfies the deepest needs and desires of my heart. Jesus Christ is the One I lean upon for fulfillment, strength, and security.” Sacred Singleness p. 47

Question 2: What would a single life completely filled in Christ look like to you?

It is so easy for me to answer this question now because I can see my past much clearer than I could when it was my present. I sit here with a list of “I wish I hadda’s”, and when I meet with my young single women’s group each Wednesday night my heart cries out to them praying that they do not make the same mistakes that I did.

For me a life completely fulled in Christ would look like one where His purposes came before my own. Instead of fretting I would have used my time to serve Him as wholly as possible. It is so true that once you get married your opportunities for missions and service change. It is not that you can’t do these things at all, but you are always bound to another person. As a single woman, instead of planning my future, I wish I had used my time to serve Him fully.

A life completely filled in Christ is also one that is secure in who you are in Christ. Instead of being a chameleon and changing with each blow of the wind, being filled with Christ is remaining steady with who you are made to be in Him.

“She led thousands into the kingdom of God – all because she was willing to lay down her every hope, dream, and expectation for earthly romance and allow Jesus Christ to be her all in all.” Sacred Singleness p. 49

Question 3: Read Colossians 3:3. Do you believe the truth that the part of you that wants to cling to a husband is dead and your life is hid with Christ in God?

I absolutely love this truth from Corrie ten Boom’s book Tramp for the Lord (Fort Washington, PA: Christian Literature Crusade, 2008), 160.

“‘There are some, like me, who are called to live a single life,’ Corrie told her. ‘God blesses them with absolute contentment. Others, like my friend Ellen, are called to prepare for marriage which my come later in life. They, too, are blessed, for God is using the in-between years to teach them that marriage is not the answer to unhappiness. Happiness is found only in a balanced relationship with the Lord Jesus.’

‘But it is so hard,’ the woman said, her eyes filling with tears.

‘That is so,’ Corrie replied. ‘The cross is always difficult. But you are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3). Dear girl, it cannot be safer. That part of you which would cling to a husband is dead. Now you can move into a life where you can be happy with or without a husband – secure in Jesus alone.’” Sacred Singleness, p. 49

Colossians 3:3 is sometimes hard to wrap our minds around. Especially when our feelings to do match up. But in verse 2 Paul tells us how to do this. “Think about things of heaven, not the things of earth” (Colossians 3:2). We must set our minds on truth every. single. day. And I would say not only once a day, but many times a day if needed.

We have all that we need within us to live an abundant life – a life that is dead and now hidden in Christ. “By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence” 2 Peter 1:3.

What are your thoughts on chapter 3? What are you struggling with? What do you feel like you have found freedom in? Share with us your thoughts! 

Next Tuesday we will discuss chapters 4 and 5. Here are chapter 4 discussion questions. I will attach chapter 5 in a few days.

Sacred Singleness – Chapter 4

Sacred Singleness – Chapter 5

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