Today we kick-off our book study on the book Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy. Boy, have the first two chapters kicked my behind! Yes, this book is written in the context of singleness, however, part one deals with a subject that is fundamental to all our our Christian lives, no matter the season, and one that I have written about and confessed that I struggle with immensely . . .
Surrender.
For me this one word, as simple as it reads, has been the pinnacle of my relationship with Jesus. It is the one area that I struggle with the most, the one word I have to pray about daily, and the one principle that He continues to refine in me. It’s a hard one, and Leslie does a wonderful job of using her experiences to explain what it looks like for a single woman.
So let’s take a deeper look.
Question 1: Do we really, really, believe that God can truly satisfy all of our heart’s deepest longings?
“I didn’t really believe that Jesus Christ could actually satisfy my heart at the deepest level and actually be my all in all. The truth was that I didn’t really think I could be happy, fulfilled, and content without having a guy to turn to for comfort. And I couldn’t imagine feeling confident and secure without having a boyfriend at my side to stroke my ego.” p. 13 Sacred Singleness
I want to start with this question because I think that our answers here will shed light on our answers to the other questions. For me it is hard to truly, truly believe that God, who I cannot physically touch and feel, can give me the desires I have for closeness with another human being. However, not only does God’s Word tell me that only God fulfills all of my deepest longings, but my experience tells me so also. Too many times have I tried to make experiences, objects, and people satisfy me in a way that only God can. And marriage is no different. I know that only God can satisfy my deepest longings because now I have the man, but the feelings that I felt as a single woman are sometimes still there. It is very disheartening to wake up married, thinking that this was supposed to make it better, and feel the same feelings you did single. Only God. Those two words must be realized over and over again. Only God.
Question 2: Do you feel like you have “the right” to be married? How does this compare to the right to happiness, wealth, health, or children?
“He wanted me to lay down my ‘right’ to be married. He was asking me to let Him be everything to me, to satisfy every need, longing, and desire in my heart – even if an earthly prince never came my way.” p. 15 Sacred Singleness
When I was single I operated under the “it’s my right” mantra. I probably wouldn’t verbalize it in that way, and if you asked me if I felt like I had the right to be married I would have told you “no”, but my actions did not reflect that. Leslie talks about in chapter one continuing to date men who are good, upstanding, and even Christians, but who God specifically tells us who are not His best for us. I did this very often, blatantly disobeying, and it was out of this idea that I had the right to get what I wanted. In reality, as harsh as it sounds, we have no rights. Our only right is the right to death. Fortunately Jesus paid that right for us, and now we can live in the freedom of everlasting life. In our lifetime there will be many “rights” that we think are owed to us simple because the majority of society has them or that’s the way “it’s supposed to be”. Just ask someone who is dealing with infertility. But we have to lay all of these down at the foot of the Cross, and thank God for sending Jesus who paid our ultimate right. Leslie gives the perfect example of this on page 21 when she refers us to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. When she was lonely, scared, and sad she reminded herself of this image: Jesus laying down His rights.
Question 3: How does Philippians 3:10 leave you feeling? Do you believe that God will give you His power to enable you to live out this truth?
“I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” Philippians 3:10
“But the amazing thing about all of these painful-yet-rewarding decisions is that I did not have to ‘become strong enough’ to live them out on my own.” p. 21 Sacred Singleness
So often we look at who we are in this moment, and we think that it is impossible to be able to lay down our lives for what Jesus wants. What do we do with all the leftover emotions that are still there sitting in our minds and souls? It is refreshing to me when I remind myself that I cannot do any of this on my own. I am nothing but mere flesh and blood. It is the power of the Holy Spirit who works within me who allows me to “participate in His suffering, becoming like him in death”. It is completely supernatural. And it may take time. At first it will be hard and our old pattern of thinking and begging and sulking will be strong. But each day as we get up and openly surrender to God, it will become more natural. Not necessarily always easy, but easier. The greater joy of following Christ will begin to outweigh the earthly desires.
Question 4: If you examined your heart and motives fully, would you find that you have been trying to make a bargain with God feeling like if you surrender to Him then He will give you the marriage you desire?
“No matter how our selfish, fleshly side feels about it, laying everything on the altar before our King, and allowing Him to do with our lives whatever He sees fit, is where true Christianity begins.” p. 29 Sacred Singleness
In chapter 2, Leslie explains that real surrender to also surrendering any expectations and expecting to be single forever (p. 21). All too often I made bargains with God and held tightly onto Psalm 37:4 as my proof that God promised to give me what I wanted. I want to make it clear that it is o.k. to continue to desire marriage and hope to one day be married. However, it’s your actions that reflect your heart and whether you are surrendered to Christ’s will for you whatever that my be or whether you are simply trying to negotiate the best deal. Ask God to search your heart and show you where you fall in this area.
This wraps up our discussion of chapters one and two. Next Tuesday we will just discuss chapter three since it is the last chapter in part one about surrender.
Download the discussion questions for chapter 3 here:
So what are your thoughts? What is the one thing your struggle with the most about the first two chapters? Please share your thoughts. We learn from each other, and I can’t wait to hear from you!
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