Brenda Rodgers

Category: For Single Women

  • Fall in Love with Your Family {and an AWESOME GIVEAWAY} :: Day 2

    “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8

    The word “family” brings up all kinds of emotions and meanings.
    Your first thought might be, “Well, I don’t have a family.  That’s the problem.”  Or maybe you’re a single mom, so you have children, but you don’t quite feel like you have a family. Or you live far away from your parents and siblings and have for a while, so family is more of an occasion a few times a year than a day-to-day relationship.  Even more devastating is when one or both of your parents have passed away leaving you feeling somewhat like an orphan.  This was my experience a few years ago when my mom died.
    Then there are all of kinds of family dynamics and structures and sin that creep into every family.  To even approach the topic of family seems overwhelming because as much as we want a one-size-fits-all for family, there just isn’t one.
    Regardless we are still called to love our families.  No matter what that looks like in our everyday lives.
    Timothy says, “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:5).  Basically, if you can’t love the people in your life now, how can God trust you with other responsibilities to love and care for people – in the church – but also, just maybe, in a husband and children?
    I will be honest, this is hard for me.  It is easier for me to love my husband than to love my parents and brother.  I think it’s because I have had more time with the humanness in my parents and brother.  They have hurt me, and I have hurt them.
    But as a single woman, loving our families – the families we have been given, however that looks – is God’s way of sanctifying us (making us more like Him), and preparing us for our future families. 
    It is important to love our families and learn how to do so better.
    1. Forgive them.
    Forgiveness is a huge topic and too deep to discuss fully in this post, but study what God says about forgiveness in the Bible, listen to sermons about forgiveness, and pray, pray, pray! Ask God to soften your heart and help you to forgive.
    2. Make them a priority.
    Think about your family’s needs and feelings before your own. Maybe you’re tired and really don’t feel like making a phone call – call them anyway. Maybe it’s too far or too much effort to go visit – visit them anyway. Even if doing these things makes your life a little more inconvenient put their wishes and desires before your own.
    3. Invest in their lives.
    Develop a relationship with your family even if you live far away. Remember them on special days and holidays. Ask about the details in their lives – their work, interests, health, individual families.
    4. Serve them.
    Whatever their current needs, help them. Maybe it’s help babysitting, packing for a move, making a meal, going with them to the doctor, or just a fun day out.
    5. Pray for them.
    Pray each day for your family. I have a prayer schedule, and each day of the week I pray for different people. Each member of my family has a special day. Also, thank God for them. Not only will this help you see your family as a gift, but it will also help you forgive them in any areas that need forgiveness.
    Today, ask God to show you ways you can Fall in Love with Your Family!

    And now for an AWESOME GIVEAWAY that I am super excited about!  Can you tell?
    Let’s Fall in Love with . . .
    and a Giveaway!
    Amylee creates beautiful scripture prints, block art, and framed art, and as a special Valentine’s Day gift to you she’s giving away your choice:
    8×10 print of your design choice
    or
    5×5 art block of your design choice
    So how do you enter?
    It’s simple!
    Enter to win using Rafflecoptor!
    There are two mandatory entries:
    1. Leave a comment below telling us how you show love to your family.
    The other entries are “extras” and will help you win!
    a Rafflecopter giveaway
    The winner will be announced on Friday, February 10th and shhhh! another giveaway will begin - just for you during our 10 Days of Falling in Love!

  • Fall in Love with Your Life {and Plan a Party} :: Day 1

    February is a big month. We find out if flip-flops and t-shirts are on the horizon or if we need to keep out the scarfs and gloves a little longer.  We remember a time in America when not showing love to your neighbors was a cultural norm and a president who set in motion for change to one day occur. And we wear red to honor those hearts inside of us that we want to stay strong and healthy.

    Then there is the one day that we associate with February more than any other: the love day.

    The day that if you are in love, have love, or feel love, then you love it!  But if not, then it’s just a reminder, and you want nothing more than to just go from February 13th to February 15th.

    The year was 2006, and I was on my upswing of embracing my single life.  I was tired of living in an imaginary future thinking about how big my world would be “if only I were married”.

    On Valentine’s Day that year I decided that I was going to celebrate it just like everyone else – all the people who would be going on fun dates that night, cooking in together, or making Valentine’s with their kids.

    And so, I had a Valentine’s Day party!  And invited all of my single girlfriends!

    Triple Braided is beginning a ten day series called “Falling in Love”.  Today we are Falling in Love with Our Lives by embracing this day of love and planning a Valentine’s Dayparty!  We have 10 days to plan it, so let’s get started!


    Shop Valentine's Day at DaySpring

    I used Pinterest to pin my most favorite ideas!

    The Invitation

    Who? :: You and your girlfriends

    What? :: A Valentine’s Day Party

    When? :: You decide the date.  Either on Valentine’s Day or a day before or after.

    Where? :: Wherever you want – your home, a restaurant, or another fun place!

    Why? :: To Fall in Love with Your Life!

    How? :: Decide on your guest list, date and time, location, decorations, guest favors, activities, and of course FOOD!  Below are some wonderful ideas I found.


    Decorations

    A Few Favorites:

    Valentine’s Day Banner with book pages

    Valentine Flowers Centerpiece

    Heart Hanging Decorations

    Table Garland (and really everything here!)

    Check out my board on Pinterest for more ideas!

    Guest Favors

    A Few Favorites:

    Bottled Up Love

    Made with Love Jars

    Candy Bags with cute printable labels

    Tic-Tac-Holders

    Check out my board on Pinterest for more ideas!

    Activities

    If you’re like my friends and I, we do not need a whole lot of activities because most of the time is spent talking!  But here are a few ideas if you want to do something else (while you talk)!

    • Watch a girly movie (or any movie).
    • Create something – art, jewelry, scrapbook, custom cards, etc. (Pinterest is great for ideas!),
    • Cook together.
    • Make Valentine cards (if before the actual day) or another gift as a service project for children in need or for elderly people where you live. (Pinterest is great for homemade Valentine card ideas!)

    Check out my board on Pinterest for more ideas!

    The Menu

    There are so many different ideas for the menu!  If you’re having your party at home consider one of these fun and tasty themes!

    Check out my board on Pinterest for more ideas!

     

  • . . . And I Knew He Was the One – A New Series and Link Up Contest from Beautiful Mommy Feet

    Please join Melissa at Beautiful Mommy Feet for a new series
    and
    enter the Link-Up Contest to win:
    What Did You Expect? by Paul Tripp
    and
    and advertisement of your blog for 6 months!
    Single friends, you’re included! 
    Melissa has included a variety of possible topics to write about for the contest!
    Read the details here! 
    I can’t wait to read more from this series!  Thank you, Melissa! 

  • Why are Christian Singles Having Sex?

    An article written back in the September/October 2011 issue of Relevant Magazine entitled “(Almost) Everyone’s Doing It” states that eighty percent of young, unmarried Christians have had sex, and two-thirds have had sex within the past year.

    Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Konrad Forstner

    I’m not at all surprised. 

    My lack of disbelief is not at all because I am cynical or refute the power of the Holy Spirit or think that single people are just plain immoral.

    It’s because . . .

    I was single for a long time.

    At that time I  lived in a large, metropolitan city and served in a large, very well-known church where, if I had to guess, over half of the regular attenders were single, too. 

    There were single Christians all around me.  I was a Christian.  And I’m not just talking about the “let’s go to church once a week” kind of Christians.  I’m talking about the serving-kind.  The go-on-mission-trips-kind. The Bible-reading kind. The praying-kind. 

    And unfortunately premarital sex was there too.  Our church walls did not serve as a vacuum to keep everything holy in and all of culture’s lies and sexual inundation out. Satan knows where to go looking.

    We could discuss in depth many reasons why Christian singles have fallen prey to the bondage of premarital sex. But there’s one reason that I think is often overlooked, and yet is true for everyone regardless of how many times or how often or how many people. 

    We don’t truly believe that sex outside of marriage will hurt us.

    Not might hurt us. Not may hurt us. Not will only hurt us if.

    No, it will hurt us.  There will be consequences. 

    We often just focus on the BIG consequences of sex outside of marriage: unwanted pregnancy and disease.

    But for most people the consequences are so very subtle.  Isn’t that how Satan likes to work?  He doesn’t want it to be obvious so that you can immediately pinpoint the culprit.  No, he wants to make you doubt that it was really the premarital sex in the first place. 

    And most of the time these subtle consequences come when the stakes are the highest.  When you’re with the person you love more than anything, in marriage, and you can’t fully experience what that love was supposed to be like. 

    Subtle consequences such as:

    • distrust
    • intimacy issues
    • insecurity
    • jealousy
    • flashbacks to the past
    • infertility
    • unforgiveness
    • anger
    • disharmony
    • lack of unity
    • disrespect
    • controlling each other

    While living out these issues do we ever attribute them to maybe, just maybe, the consequence of sexual sin?

    Obviously not all of them or all the time, but sometimes?  Yes. Because there are always consequences.  Ever so subtle, they are there.

    One of our gifts is free-will.  It is a God-given gift.  And we, as Christians, have free-will to have sex outside of marriage.  But just know that it will cost you something, somewhere, at sometime.  Most likely with the person you love more than life itself.

    Is premarital sex worth it?  Of course not.  Is abstaining easy?  Absolutely not.  Staying sexually pure is a work of the Holy Spirit. 

    We know that our God is a God of redemption. He forgives and makes all things new. And yes, he can redeem past sexual sin and make a marriage new. But there are still the consequences.

    Know the price it costs.  Weigh it heavily.  And think about that future man who you are going to spend your life with. 

    If you have already been involved premarital sex, confess, repent, and tell God that even though you know there will be consequences you are asking him redeem you and make all things new. 

    Our God is a good God.  He has good things in store for you.  Accept his gifts.


  • Do Single Women Need to “Woman Up”?

    Last week I read an article on Kyria’s Culture Blog entitled “Why Young Men Aren’t Manning Up?”  The article discusses the reasons why men now-a-days seem to have a prolonged state of adolescence and refuse to “Man Up” while all the women sit around wondering where all the good men have gone – as if they are mature, adult women ready for responsibility and family and “womaning up” at age 22, I will add.  And it got me asking myself,

    At 22 years of age, did I “woman up”?

    Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Victoria Garcia

    Around this age a lot of women (I would really say most women) begin to think about marriage.  If it wasn’t on the radar before, then it is now.  There is a heightened awareness for the need to find a husband.  I have found this to be true for the career-minded, want-to-conquer-the-world woman and the woman who’s desire is to be a homemaker.  It doesn’t matter.  I was determined to get my Master’s degree before getting married, so I went into the Master’s program a year after college, but that does not mean that I was not keenly aware of the fact that I better start looking.  Because there was that underlying sense – that ever small fear – that I might just end up alone.  So I started looking. 

    But was I really ready?   

    At 35 years old I still envy strong, young Christian couples who are firm in their faith, secure in their roles as men and women, and commit to marriage out of sacrificial love for one another because that was not me. And I suspect that even though the majority of women think they are ready for marriage and desire marriage at an early age, it is not them either – truly. 

    After being married for only three and half years, I can tell you the one thing I learned only two short weeks in: Marriage is a daily laying down of your life for another person – every day, day in and day out, selflessly. 

    At 22 years old (and even years beyond), I was not concerned about laying down my life for anyone.  I was concerned about being lonely, having someone share the work load, wanting children, fulfilling my desire to be a homemaker, the wedding I had been planning for years, and decorating a home.  My mind was filled with everything that would make me more content and secure and happy.

    Not once did I think about uniting with someone to become more like Christ or creating a legacy for future generations or being used to fulfill a greater purpose in another person’s life. 

    With this mindset did I help the men I dated to “man up”, or did I just assist them in staying 22?

    First of all, I didn’t give them a reason to want to “man up” as is mentioned in Jonathan Sprowl’s article.  The expectations I had for a man were way above anything he could live up to because most of the time I was asking him to fill a void in my heart that only God can fill.  My expectations were for him to fulfill the fairy tale not a calling.

    If a man I was dating was not ready to pursue me like a man is supposed to, that was o.k. I would help him along by calling just one more time at night or reminding him that Valentine’s Day is coming up or sending him an email just to say “hey” in the middle of the day.  I made it easy for him believing myself that I was not worth the work of pursuing.

    My world became wrapped up in this other person – to the point of idolatry – and I became easily accessible.  I let go of my interests and friends to keep this man close by.  Life was easy for him.  He had me when he wanted me and when he did not he could let me go knowing that I would be there waiting when he was ready for me again. 

    All of this kept him from having to be a man. He didn’t have to pursue and fight and conquer to win his princess.  He already had her. 

    So he stayed 22.  And I stayed 22, too.  He suffered from no need to “man up”, and I allowed not “womaning up” to sabotage my true desires. 

    It is easy for me to think back and get angry at the men I dated not “manning up”.  But what if I had been a different woman?  Well, either they would have gone on their way without me, leaving me with some emotional pain, no doubt, but as the woman God called me to be – a woman of integrity, sold out in surrender to Him, or they might, just might, have been persuaded to “man up”. 

    We can’t point fingers at our fellow brothers in Christ until we first examine ourselves. 

    Are there areas that you need to “woman up”?
    May I encourage you to first “delight in the Lord”. 
    Pursue Him above all else. 
    This is the ultimate “womaning up”.

    I want to know what you want to know! Please answer the poll question below:


  • Are You Betting on This Being the Year?

    As January gets on it’s way do you have the thought lingering there in your mind, the thought you don’t want to say out loud for fear of jinxing it, but you just can’t help wonder – sometimes to obsession? 
    The thought, “What if this is the year . . . I meet him?”

    Him. The One. The One who meets 95% of the requirements on your “must-haves” list and is the twin of the man in your mind who you’ve been secretly designing for years. The One who takes you on a first date that begins a family legacy talked about for generations. The One who makes you say, “He’s the one. I just know it. I can’t explain it, but I just know it.” The One who will be there next Christmas and New Year’s. The One who will cause your life to begin.

    In an effort to meet the One you eagerly start off the new year attending every social event possible. Volunteering for every service project available. All the while scanning every room you walk into just in case he might be there.

    This thought dominated my mind as a new year began each year. I felt excited at the possibility that this could be the year, but then terrified at the thought that it might not be, and I would conclude another year with my deepest desire left there for me to carry into one more new year of life without a husband.

    There is nothing wrong with dreaming about the wonderful possibilities that a new year can bring. In many ways this is a key to our motivation to make our lives new and different and maybe better.

    But it becomes debilitating when we take our dreams and hold onto them too tight, as our own, manipulating them into a world that doesn’t yet exist and betting on a world that has yet to be made.  We start making decisions based upon what’s not real. Our mind is stuck in all the “what ifs” instead of firmly planted in the purpose for right now. Before we know it our “what-ifs” start to look like the right now, and we are blinded to reality. 
    Maybe you want to buy a house or go on a mission trip or go into the mission field full-time. Maybe it’s changing jobs or moving up in your job or just moving in general. Maybe it’s buying new furniture or redecorating or going back to school.

    Whatever it is that God has laid in your mind and on your heart, make decisions about those possibilities not based on whether this is the year you meet your future husband or not, but based on whether it is God’s plan for you this year, at this time in your life. Many opportunities are lost when we think we know better than God and try to manipulate our circumstances to make our year unfold the way we dream of it unfolding. 

    Betting on your future will cost you.

    It costed me.

    It costed me opportunities and possibilities.  It costed me my true purpose.  It costed me time. It costed me peace. 

    Whatever God is leading you to do – do it – without considering dreams that are not yet yours.  Don’t bet on what might be tomorrow.  Because then you won’t have today to take with you. 

    Is it hard to live in the present without betting on the “what ifs” of your dreams?
    Triple Braided is a ministry for single women to bring peace and wisdom
    while preparing for marriage and living a life surrendered to God. 
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    I would love to hear your thoughts!