Brenda Rodgers

Category: For Single Women

  • 5 Things Singles Should Do in 2012

    They say that hindsight is 20/20, and as cliché as it sounds, there is so much truth to those words.

    Oh, if I could take a stroll backwards.  Not that I want to be in a completely different place or with a different husband, but so that I could be a different person in this place and a different person to my husband.

    Single women, God has filled you with opportunity to know him deeply, serve him greatly, and create a legacy for him for years to come.

    Photo Credit: Creative Commons: John ONolan

    This year, choose to embrace his gift of opportunity.  Make this a year of intentional living where every day counts for someone – whether it be you, your future husband or children, a friend, a family member, someone in need, or a complete stranger.  Make each day count for someone big for God.

    If my vision had been 20/20 . . .

    5 Things You Should Do in 2012:

    1. Get a mentor!

    What was that aching feeling in my chest that I physically felt sometimes as a single woman?  What was it that made me long to be hugged or touched after a weekend alone?  What made me crave sitting in a restaurant, even if alone, just so that I could get out of my one-bedroom apartment?
    It was God’s design for us to live in community.

    What makes it hard for single adults is that community has to be sought after a little harder than for someone who has a default, permanent body living in their house every day.  As single adults get older, and possibly the involvement of parents or older adult influence lessens, it becomes increasingly important to have a person whom you can go and talk with and who can be an accountability partner for you.

    The key is for the relationship to be intentional with the purpose of helping you grow closer to God – not to be another friend who just tells you what you want to hear.  This was my problem.  I never lacked mentors as a single woman.  I had several women who willingly invested their time into me.  But I never was completely honest.  And they never required me to be.

    Get a mentor with the intentional purpose of helping you grow closer to God even when it means you having to answer the hard questions.

    2. Get healthy!

    There is no need to argue the importance of physical health.  We are inundated with reasons to get healthy, and we all know them to be fact whether we want to do them or not.

    Instead, I want to focus on two other facets of health – spiritual and emotional health.  Living in the fallen world we live in, we all are wounded by family, friends, strangers, and even circumstances in our childhood and throughout our lives.  There is no escaping the curse of the apple no matter how Christian your family was growing up or how perfect your life has been since.  There is always still something.  Even if it’s the little lies the enemy plants in your head and persuades you to repeat over and over again.

    There is one insight into marriage that I was told as a single woman, but did not fully realize the truth behind until I experienced it myself.  It is this:

    Whatever you bring into marriage will be compounded by a thousand after the vows.

    So this is the time to get healthy!  Get a mentor, pastor, or even a Christian counselor to help you overcome whatever the apple has brought into your life – insecurities, anger, rejection, fear, etc. Becoming more emotionally and spiritually healthy will help you live the abundant life God has for us now, but it will also create the most optimal environment for a healthy marriage and home one day.

    3. Become a servant!

    I know that single adults do not like to feel like they are the workhorses because they supposedly have more time.  And I do not want to make you feel that way either.

    However, as with living in community, single adults have to be more intentional in the area of service.  As a married person, service is a built-in part of every day life. If you do not serve each other, and continually learn to serve better, then your marriage will most likely not last the long haul and certainly will not thrive.

    Service for a single adult is not easy.  You have seek opportunities and then sometimes have to go to them alone.  You don’t have a built-in service project right under your roof.

    But, on the other hand, single adults can benefit so much more than married people by pouring their lives into the lives of others.  Serving helps you focus your mind on others outside of yourself.  This helps with your spiritual and emotional health, and it provides for your need for community.  And serving prepares you for the lifetime of serving you will experience as a wife and/or mother.

    Ask God to show you where he wants you to serve him.  It could be the church, a local organization, or maybe just a friend or someone in your neighborhood.  Just be willing to become a servant.

    4. Use your gifts!

    “I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to”, “I want to bake and cook, but have no one to bake and cook for”, and “I wish I had a home to decorate”.  These are statements that came out of my mouth as a single woman.  As this little girl who wanted nothing more than to be a homemaker, singleness left me feeling purposeless and without a place for my unique design and desires.

    If you love to decorate, decorate your home with the same enthusiasm you would decorate a home married. If you love to bake, bake away and find a great place to give away your baked goods.  If you want to learn to scuba dive, learn to scuba dive – even by yourself!  If you love children, offer free babysitting to a couple at your church or mentor a young girl.

    God gifted you with uniqueness to use for his glory.  It is without conditions, and he wants to use you, and how he created you, to accomplish his purposes now! These are purposes that are only for you to accomplish.  No one else can accomplish your specific purposes .  They’re yours.

    So embrace your gifts and the life he has given you, and use them now!

    5. Consider not dating!

    Yes, you read correctly.  Consider not dating.  This is the one thing that I wish I had done as a single woman for no other reason but to “set my mind” firmly on God.

    I talk about this more and the “No Dating Challenge” in this post.  I encourage you to read more about why I would ever ask you to consider not dating.

    This one commitment could be life changing for you, and I challenge you to pray boldly for God’s direction in whether he would like for you to take this challenge.

    Each of these five things are only important now because the time you have is now.  But their significance will be fully realized years to come, and even into eternity, with each relationship impacted through the decisions you make today.

    So, of these five items, which ones are you going to do in 2012?  What would you add to this list?

    Today I am linking up with (in)courage and Annie Down’s post “Single in the New Year”.
    Go on over there and be encouraged and inspired!

    I would love to hear from you either by commenting below or emailing me at
    triplebraidedlife{at}gmail{dot}com.
    and
    Join me on Twitter and Facebook!

  • Is God Punishing Me?

    Sometimes I live in a little place in my mind that’s really my favorite place to live.  In my place there are no cracks in the sidewalk, no dry land in the pond, nor gap on the bridge.

    Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Leland

    In my quiet place girls grow up and meet warriors and boys grow up and meet princesses who serve like Cinderella.  In this place in my mind who I was created to be is exactly who I become and the world is fulfilled because I am me.  Submission is easy because there is equal laying down of lives.  And children are secure because they are squeezed often and played with daily.

    My only problem is that I can’t live in this little place in my mind for long because before I know it I’m still single at 32, there are no children to squeeze, the world is demanding me be who it says I’m to be, and the doormat becomes my soul.

    I must have messed up.  That’s the first thought I think.

    If I had done things right or better or more completely then this little place in my mind would be the place I sit in every day – not just the one I visit.

    What went wrong? Is God punishing me?

    These thoughts rush through my mind often – too often – and I retrace every last footprint of my past trying to find the “what if” that could have saved me – could have made my life exactly how I dreamed.

    I’ve come to hold onto the truth that no “what if” could have saved me, but what’s being accomplished now is doing the saving.  Sure, some actions have consequences, but some do not.  Some are set into motion by this world, much bigger than myself, that is fallen and hurting and dying.

    So “what if not”?

    What if that wasp had not swooped down from the hanging cow bell and stung my ten-year old arm? Would I know now the pain of a sting?

    What if that boy had not said, “You have the biggest calves I’ve ever seen!”, as I sat in ninth grade homeroom?  Would I recognize a man who truly values me?

    What if I had not lost my sorority election for an officer position? Would I have learned that my identity is in Christ?

    What if I had not made any mistakes? Would I understand grace?

    “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20
    I still like to visit that little place in my mind, but I try not to live there, because that little place, it’s not a place on earth at all. It’s a dream – for now.  A place called heaven.  And right now, God has me here to accomplish what is now being done.
    Do you sometimes feel like you’re being punished by God?
    I would love to hear from you either by commenting below or emailing me at
    triplebraidedlife{at}gmail{dot}com.
    and
    Join me on Twitter and Facebook!

  • Take the One Year No Dating Challenge


    Have you ever thought about what it would look like if for one year you did not date – at all.  Not going on any dates, not even one, and even turning down dates if you have to?  Sorta like a fast, but I don’t want to use that word for fear of making it sound stuffy and formal and no fun.

    There is one of two thoughts going through your head right now:

    1. That’s easy.  I don’t date anyway!

    Or

    2. Turn down dates?  What if he’s the one?

    If there is one thing I wish I had done before I got married, this is it.  I first heard this idea of not dating for one year after I was married in a sermon by Andy Stanley.

    Well, I have to back up.  I actually probably did hear about it when I was single since I went to his church then and all, but I’m guessing that at the time I closed my ears quickly before the Holy Spirit felt like he needed to intervene.  Back then I was in a habit of closing my ears to anything I really didn’t want to hear.

    So what is the No Dating Challenge exactly?

    It is committing to yourself and to God that for one year you will not date. And it is using the time to grow your relationship with God, discover who you are in him, and learn about who he created you to be.

    So why take the No Dating Challenge?

    1. You learn where your worth truly lies.

    As women, we constantly have to fight the struggle in our minds about where our worth lies.  This is a struggle for all women – single, married, with or without children, with or without careers, etc.  The No Dating Challenge gives you the opportunity to set your mind (Colossians 3:5) on truth.

    2. You learn dependence on God.

    We know this as single women, but I don’t think we have a hard time believing it until we experience it ourselves: A man will never meet all your needs – spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally.  Even in the trenches of marriage and family life will you have to depend on God.  The No Dating Challenge requires you to depend on God for all of your needs.

    3. You learn to surrender.

    We want “happily ever after”.  We all do.  And I want it for you.  The great thing is that as Christians we will get it – but not here, not now.  Our “happily ever after” is in heaven.  When you get married, trials will come.  It is inevitable.  Trials of all kinds and all sizes.  Just like the trials you’re going through now as a single woman.  The No Dating Challenge helps you learn how to fall into his plan and surrender completely to him during this season of trials and future seasons.

    4. You break the idolatry.

    Oh, was marriage an idol for me!  I loved the idea of marriage more than I loved God most of the time I was single.  The No Dating Challenge makes God your idol because that’s who you are investing your life into.

    5. You heal through forgiveness.

    Some of you may not come from a place of past brokenness or regret.  Praise God for that!  But if you do it is time to accept God’s forgiveness, forgive yourself, and allow him to use it all for good.  The No Dating Challenge gives you time to heal and get healthy.

    6. You will be blessed.

    God will bless you abundantly for devoting your life to know him better so that you can make wise, healthy decisions and create a strong marriage and family to take into eternity.  Sounds big, doesn’t it?  It is.  The No Dating Challenge will bless you, your future spouse, and your future children.  Which, um, ultimately does affect eternity.

    But What if . . . ?

    I know what you’re feeling right now.  And I know what you’re thinking.  I would be thinking the same thing if I were you.  But I want you to ask yourself this question, “What is truly holding you back?”

    You know the answer.  I know the answer.

    Fear.

    You are afraid.  You are afraid that if you make the commitment you will miss out on the one God has for you.

    But let’s think. Is that even logical?  To miss out of the one God has for you? Do you think God would say, “Oh, too bad!  You missed your chance because you committed to me for a year! Better luck next time.  Maybe I’ll pass someone else by you in a few years!”

    Of course not.

    We think we’re in control.  We want to be in control.  But we’re not.  If we were we’d have perfect lives.

    So what do I say to a man if he asks me out?

    You tell him the truth.  You tell him that you would love to go out with him (if that’s true) in one year.  Because for one year you made a commitment to God to not date so that you can be all he created you to be – as a woman and as a wife.

    So what if he thinks I’m weird?

    It may sound a little weird. And to some people it will be. But to others it will be very appealing – a woman who is pursuing God above all else for one year? Wow! Remember that when you are dating it is very important that you are like-minded. If a man does not understand or thinks it’s weird, then that just gives you more information about him. More information for you to use to discern.

    So I’m challenging you. 
    Will you take the One Year No Dating Challenge?
    Pray about it, and see where God leads you.

     

    If he leads you to one year of no dating, grab a button!

     

    Triple Braided

    <a href=”http://brendarodgers.com/2011/12/take-one-year-no-dating-challenge” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://brendarodgers.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Im-Taking-the-One-Year-No-Dating-Challenge.jpg” alt=”Triple Braided” width=”125″ height=”125″ /></a>

  • What’s Going On Around Here?

    Have you ever had a vision?

    A vision from God (not a literal one, but the idea kind) that you pray about and pray about over and over again?  And you keep praying kind of out of hope that it’s true and kind of out of hope that it’s not?  But he just keeps showing it to you.  You don’t know exactly what to do with it yet but the last thing you want to do is Say it out loud. Because then it’s out there for all to see.  And for you to fail. You know it’s not really you at all.  It’s all God. So there can be no failing (unless you’re just disobedient). But still there’s fear.

    Well, that’s what’s going on around here. Here meaning Triple Braided. God is revealing to me a vision for this blog.  He’s showing me my “one thing” or “niche” or “sweet spot”.  He’s showing me where I fit into this grand plan and how it matches the life verse he gave me earlier this year.  Every day I get more confirmation of his will, and I’m listening patiently, but I’m still a little scared.

    So in 2012 I anticipate Triple Braided to change a little (along with move to WordPress – eeek!) and I pray that you stick around to see what God does here!

    In the meantime, I am so, so, so excited about this post over at (in)Courage!

    As you probably know, single women are my heart (a little insight into God’s vision BTW ), and Annie Downs along with (in)Courage are giving single women a place and a voice! Go on over there, check it out, and leave a comment!  It’s great insight for me!

    So tell me, can you relate?  Ever received a vision that you are a little scared about?

  • How to Overcome Christmas Expectations

    Christmas is not my favorite time of year.  A lot of times it’s my least favorite.

    I know, blasphemy, right?
    I am just being honest.
    It used to start the first week of December.  The tree would come out of storage (I had an artificial tree because I was single and me cutting down a real tree, carrying it on the top of my car, and then dragging it into my apartment was not a choice), and the decorating would begin, along with some baking and writing out a few Christmas cards.  Except that I never could seem to get those cards written.   Instead they turned into Happy New Year’s cards.
    Then it moved up to the weekend after Thanksgiving because starting the first week of December was way too late.  If I waited until then there was no point of even putting up a tree.  And who wants the chore of writing out cards lingering days before Christmas?  Starting early would help me get everything done and enjoy it for once.
    This year my tree is already up.  And it has been up since November 19th.  Part of the reason is because I want it up before my mission trip to Burkina Faso.  Otherwise I will be back to where I was a few years ago – writing out cards on Christmas Eve.    
    Last week I had some ladies from my small group over, and the minute they walked in I started explaining why I already had the house decorated.  I was embarrassed to have started so early. 
    Until I saw twinkling lights shining brightly on another house in our neighborhood.  Along with their tree – fully decorated in the middle of the window – just as big and beautiful as could be.  So I wasn’t the only one to have a tree up on November 19th. I possibly wasn’t even the first one.
    Each year Christmas brings more expectations. 
    Expectations that I can’t live up to.
    And so instead of feeling joy and peace and love through the birth of our Savior, I feel busy and cramped and tired which makes me not like Christmas.
    I want to blame it on our culture, and culture probably contributes greatly, but really I need to reflect on why I am doing what I’m doing at Christmas, and who I am doing it for.
    Christmas is a birthday party.  But not just any birthday party – the grandest of grand birthday parties.  It is a birthday party for a King.  A King who became the neediest of human existence – a tiny infant – then grew up to be the most lowly – a perfect servant – who died a sinner’s death. 
    If Jesus was here with me right now, in the flesh, and December 25th was his birthday, what kind of party would I give him?  What kind of party would my heart yearn to give him?  When would I start preparing? 
    That is what I am doing.  I am preparing for a Birthday Party.  And when my mind focuses on Christmas as just that I am able to take my expectations for myself and for others and put them back on Jesus.
    Christmas is not just for me and my family.  It is a Birthday Party for Jesus.  He is the honored guest. 
    As I prepare for Christmas with this thought I am energized because I imagine him sitting in our house on his Birthday and smiling. 
    Photo Credit: Creative Commons: J Jackson Photography
    How do you deal with the growing expectations of Christmas?

     

    Will you consider praying for our team and the people we meet in Burkina Faso?
    Your prayers are greatly appreciated, and I cannot wait to share all that God is doing there.

  • 2 Prayers I Prayed as a Single Woman

    I was single for a long time – longer than I would have chosen to be if I was writing the story of my life. I guess partly it was my choice because I didn’t want to settle for anybody that wasn’t right, but mainly I think it was God’s hedge of protection until He knew I was ready.

    I asked and sometimes begged God to bring me the man He intended for me to marry for many years. About six months before I met John these prayers began to diminish. It wasn’t that I wanted to get married any less, but through God’s work in me I began to see a bigger picture. I came to a place where I surrendered my will and my wants and began to believe and trust that God loved me and that His way is always better than mine. I could honestly say that if I never got married I would be fine, and was even joyful at that thought.

    Throughout these years, there were two prayers I prayed as a single woman:

    One was for my future husband – where ever he might be. I prayed that He was a Christian and that God was making him into a Godly husband that would be a leader. And I prayed that he was safe and healthy. When I began to learn about John’s battle with Cardiomyopathy early on when we began dating, and I found out how truly sick he was at one point, I thought back to this prayer. I told John that I had been praying for him during this time even though I didn’t know him. Even though I don’t know all the details of God’s mysterious work in all of this, I know that my prayers were being heard. And now I can see that God answered my prayer by sparing John’s life during that difficult time.

    I also prayed another prayer – this one for myself. I prayed over and over that God would prepare me to be a Godly wife. I am by no means suggesting that I have reached the epitome of godliness. That will ultimately be reached in heaven. However, I do seek the Lord with all of my heart, soul, and mind on a consistent basis and want nothing more than to glorify Him. In this trial John and I are going through, I have to lay down my own wants and needs daily. I have to surrender. Some people have asked me how I do this. How can I be so strong? How can I smile? How can I go on with other daily responsibilities? How can I be positive? Why aren’t I angry? Well, I know that my prayers from all of those years as a single woman were being heard. God has answered my prayers by preparing me then, through trials I went through single, and now, through the work of the Holy Spirit to be the wife God has called me to be for John.

    The Holy Spirit led me to pray these two prayers as a single woman, and now I see clearly God’s work through them and His answers to them. I see that God was preparing me for something I would have never imagined. Any strength or godliness I show is not me – has nothing to do with me. It is the gift of the Holy Spirit working within me to fulfill God’s plan. I am so thankful for this gift, and I am so thankful that God led me to pray these two special prayers for so many years so that now I can experience His hand in it all.

    Are you praying for your future husband? Are you praying for your future wife-self?