Tag: chronic illness

There are many “negatives” about the Internet, blogging, Facebook, and tweeting; however, in the past few months I have discovered through the blogs, posts, and tweets that I read from pastors and spiritual leaders from all over, to the avenues in which I have to ask for prayer for John and share our story, how really powerful all of these sources of networking can be for spreading God’s truth and engaging others in what He is doing all around us.

My purposes for writing on this blog are multifaceted. One is to document our story so that John and I don’t forget where we have been and what God has done when we are out of our “desert”. This is one of my biggest fears. It is so easy to forget God when our circumstances match up to what we have planned for our lives. Another reason for this blog is to share our story with our future children so that they will have a glimpse of what a miracle they truly are and how God blessed us with them despite this trial.

However, even more importantly, this is an awesome opportunity for others to be blessed by seeing God’s work in our lives and in this situation. I feel honored to be chosen by God to be John’s wife and be able to witness His miraculous healing, physically and spiritually, firsthand. Right now it is my cross to bear, but it is one that I would not trade for anything. By other people reading about John and God’s work in our lives, they, too, get to experience Him firsthand, and this is how, through the Holy Spirit, lives are changed. I feel that by not sharing this miraculous story I am holding on to a precious gem all for myself when instead I can share it and allow other people to be blessed as well.

John and I appreciate each and every prayer that people, friends and strangers, pray for us. Each one glorifies God and gives Him the honor He deserves. However, not only is John being healed through every prayer, but each person who is praying is also being healed. People are talking to their Creator and Heavenly Father possibly for the first time, maybe for the first time in a long time. Every person’s prayer is opening the door for God to speak to them and work in their life. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20). It is an amazing thought that we may see people in Heaven one day who came to Christ through praying for John!

A few weeks ago a friend and coworker of my dad’s has been reading our blog and praying for John. I have not met him, but I am so grateful that he has felt led to pray for us. He attends Free Chapel church in Gainesville, Georgia, and over the weekend they hosted a big conference. My dad’s friend told the pastor of his church, who is also a well-known speaker and author, about John’s story, and he was very generous to send us some gifts to let us know that his prayers are with us. These meant so much to John, and when I told him that my dad was going to pick them up tears came to his eyes.

There are no words that can share our gratitude to my dad’s friend, his pastor, and the bands who passed along their love and prayers to John and myself. Thank you so much for making John’s day and for caring enough for us to take the time to express your love with these special gifts and notes.

This is the book that the pastor, Jentezen Franklin, sent to John and myself.


This is the special note he wrote on the inside. What wonderful words of encouragement!

This is a CD recorded at Free Chapel church with Ricardo Sanchez.


This is a signed photograph of Third Day.

And here is Third Day’s special message to us – Psalm 91.

Today John had a doctor’s appointment at Duke. He has a scheduled appointment to see the doctor once a month, so this was his scheduled appointment.

As I mentioned earlier, John did not have a good night last night and hasn’t been feeling well. When his doctor saw John, he was very concerned. For the first time he looked perplexed. I prayed before our appointment that God would give his doctor wisdom in treating John, and I prayed the same prayer as we sat in his office.

He asked John if he felt like he was sick enough to go into the hospital – into the ICU. If this happened, John would have a leg pump that would act as a heart pump for the lower part of his body. This would elevate his status on the transplant list to the highest status and naturally his wait time would be less. John would most likely stay in the hospital until a heart became available. However, even with a shorter wait time, this could still be a few months.

John has been in the ICU before, and he says it is no fun. Of course that makes sense, but he tells me that it is much more restrictive than a regular hospital room. I call John my “enigma” because he is so, so sick, but he doesn’t look like it(except that he’s skinny), and a lot of the time he doesn’t act like it. I mean he has trouble breathing and he can’t do much, but he isn’t bed-bound. Today his doctor said that if I could see what he looks on the inside I would see how sick he truly is though.

So the last thing John wants to do is go into the hospital and wait. Instead, his doctor increased his IV medication to help stabilize him a little bit. We are going to see how this works for a few weeks.

We are staying faithful that God knows what is best for John and how this needs to play out for him. It is a hard waiting game that requires a lot of patience. We are just praying that in the meantime John is comfortable, peaceful, restful, and that he is stable. Our eyes are fixed on Him to provide.

Over the weekend, and especially last night, John hasn’t felt his best. It seems to be going in waves where he’ll feel bad, take a few extra medications, feel better for a few days, and then feel bad again. He is very frustrated, very tired, and very weak. We do have an appointment with Dr. Rogers today at Duke, so hopefully he can give us some insight.

Each day we become more desperate for praying for a heart to come soon. We know that this is a specially orchestrated plan of God’s, so we are praying for His will and timing, and also praying for relief for John to come quickly.

It has been on my mind a lot recently to pray for the salvation of John’s heart donor. I pray, of course, that he is already saved; however, if not I pray that God saves him before he passes. It is the prayer of both John and myself to see him in Heaven one day and have the opportunity to thank him face-to-face. With that said, we pray for God’s perfect timing and will to work for the good of everyone involved.

Thank you, Jesus, for these blessings this week:

1. My dad who helped us this weekend and spent some time with John.
2. My safe trip to GA to see a special friend’s wedding and my best friend’s new, sweet baby.
3. John’s supervisor who is very understanding and compassionate.
4. John’s heart that sustains him each day and keeps him going despite its weaknesses.
5. Our medical insurance and benefits.
6. The transplant team at Duke and their wisdom and knowledge in how to best treat John.
7. The love, support, and prayers from our family and friends.
8. The hope we have in the You and for hearing and answering our prayers.

Lord, this week we ask you for these things:

1. Please be with John’s heart donor. Bring him to salvation if he needs it and make him open to Your voice. Please be with his family. Bring them peace, love, comfort, and support in the coming days. Please bring peace and strength to their family right now and give them good time together.
2. Please give Dr. Rogers and the transplant team wisdom in treating John. Help them to make decisions that are best for John, his treatment, and his overall success in the future.
3. Please bring John peace. Help his heart to sustain him each day. Give him energy and strength during the day and rest at night.
4. Please give us hope and courage. Help us to not be afraid and know that you will always provide for us and protect us.
5. Please give me strength to take care of John each day. Help me to surrender to You and be selfless.
6. Please send a heart for John in your perfect timing and before he gets sicker. Please allow the heart to be strong and perfect for John and give him life to many years to come.
7. When John gets his new heart, please make the surgery go smoothly and well. Please allow there to not be any rejection of his new heart.

About a month ago I began reading the Book of Job because I have never read it in its entirety, and I knew that it would teach me about this season of suffering that John and I are in, how God views it, and how we can respond and trust in Him throughout it.

The most refreshing thing so far about Job, and what I love about him, is how honest he is with God. Job was “blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil” (1:1); however, God allowed Satan to test him and bring hardship to his livelihood, his family, and his health. Job did not understand this, and he let God know it! Job continually questioned God, cried out to God, even asked God to take his life, but he never turned away from God. “In all of this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing” (1:22).

Job was human! He had the same thoughts, the same confusion, the same frustration, the same hopelessness that I sometimes have, and he questioned God about it. He had such an intimate relationship with God that he knew he could continually go to Him and ask Him to speak to him and help him to understand. Job continued to keep God first throughout his despair and agony.

I ordered a children’s CD last week that I am planning to give to our niece and nephews, and the CD has songs that are based on scripture verses to help children (and even adults in my case) memorize scripture. I’ve been listening to it, and as I am writing this blog two of the songs come to mind. The first one is based on Matthew 7:7-8.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8)

Job was close enough to God to know that it was o.k. to “seek” Him out. God wanted Job to show his trust in Him by coming to Him and questioning Him instead of running away in resentment and anger.

The other song that comes to mind is based on Jeremiah 33:3.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3)

The word that stands out to me every time I read this verse is “unsearchable”. Just like in Job’s case, there are things in the life that we do not understand and do not even know that we do not understand. They are “unsearchable” meaning that we can not search for them on our own because we do not know what to look for or what to ask for.

Job could not find or understand the answers to his questions on his own, so he called on God, repeatedly, to help him.

My prayer today is that I will follow Job’s example. I want to be in such a close relationship with God that I am confident in going to Him, seeking Him, and calling upon Him to help me to understand the unsearchable things I do not know. As I ponder the words ask, seek, knock, and call, I realize that all of these words are present tense verbs. These are actions that I must take, and God will be there waiting for me to pour out His wisdom upon me.

I have not finished reading Job yet, but I am looking forward to it because I know that God is going to answer Job later in the chapter. I can not wait to find out how He responds. I know that Job was blessed through his trial simply by continually going to God for answers and strength. I pray that I will make God smile by not turning my back to Him, but trusting in Him each day.

One of the nicest things about living in North Carolina is that John’s work is only four miles away, and it only takes about four minutes to get there. Well, more like ten, but not forty like it would in Atlanta. He also gets to come home for lunch everyday. Not only does this save us money, but John gets to rest a little and debrief with ESPN before he goes back to finish the day.

It’s even nicer in the summer because I am home when he comes home from lunch and we get to have lunch together. I always try to schedule my errands around his lunch time so that I am home when he gets home. I only have two months to see him during the day, so I don’t want to waste any of them if I can help it.

I usually have lunch ready for us. After we eat, he lays down in my lap on the sofa so that I can rub his head and scratch his back. Technically, per the doctor’s orders, he is supposed to have a nap every day. Of course in the real world this isn’t possible, so this is our alternative. John is a little spoiled, but he is quite deserving of it (most of the time). I like to tease him and call him “rotten”.

When John gets home from work it’s pretty much the same routine. Now-a-days I need to have everything done that I need to get done before he gets home. His days are long and exhausting, so when he comes home all I want him to do is sit. Typically he is very helpful around the house – cooks, empties the dishwasher, takes out the trash – but for this season he only has one job – to get better and allow his heart to keep him strong until his new one comes.

Sometimes we take a nap when he gets home before dinner. Neither of us usually fall asleep, but it’s nice to just lay down. Most of the time we eat, clean up, and then it’s back to the same routine as at lunch. John lays in my lap, and I rub his head and back until it’s time to go to bed. Again, he’s rotten, but the good kind of rotten.

At times the day-in and day-out is exhausting for me and frustrating for him. However, it is a time that we cherish. We have the opportunity to slow down and really focus on each other, our home, and our life together. All of the distractions have been temporarily put on hold. These are precious memories that we will look back on when life gets hectic again and say, “Remember when all we did was sit around and hold each other?”

I read this verse this morning, and it is perfect. Just perfect.