Brenda Rodgers

Tag: chronic illness

  • 2 Prayers I Prayed as a Single Woman

    I was single for a long time – longer than I would have chosen to be if I was writing the story of my life. I guess partly it was my choice because I didn’t want to settle for anybody that wasn’t right, but mainly I think it was God’s hedge of protection until He knew I was ready.

    I asked and sometimes begged God to bring me the man He intended for me to marry for many years. About six months before I met John these prayers began to diminish. It wasn’t that I wanted to get married any less, but through God’s work in me I began to see a bigger picture. I came to a place where I surrendered my will and my wants and began to believe and trust that God loved me and that His way is always better than mine. I could honestly say that if I never got married I would be fine, and was even joyful at that thought.

    Throughout these years, there were two prayers I prayed as a single woman:

    One was for my future husband – where ever he might be. I prayed that He was a Christian and that God was making him into a Godly husband that would be a leader. And I prayed that he was safe and healthy. When I began to learn about John’s battle with Cardiomyopathy early on when we began dating, and I found out how truly sick he was at one point, I thought back to this prayer. I told John that I had been praying for him during this time even though I didn’t know him. Even though I don’t know all the details of God’s mysterious work in all of this, I know that my prayers were being heard. And now I can see that God answered my prayer by sparing John’s life during that difficult time.

    I also prayed another prayer – this one for myself. I prayed over and over that God would prepare me to be a Godly wife. I am by no means suggesting that I have reached the epitome of godliness. That will ultimately be reached in heaven. However, I do seek the Lord with all of my heart, soul, and mind on a consistent basis and want nothing more than to glorify Him. In this trial John and I are going through, I have to lay down my own wants and needs daily. I have to surrender. Some people have asked me how I do this. How can I be so strong? How can I smile? How can I go on with other daily responsibilities? How can I be positive? Why aren’t I angry? Well, I know that my prayers from all of those years as a single woman were being heard. God has answered my prayers by preparing me then, through trials I went through single, and now, through the work of the Holy Spirit to be the wife God has called me to be for John.

    The Holy Spirit led me to pray these two prayers as a single woman, and now I see clearly God’s work through them and His answers to them. I see that God was preparing me for something I would have never imagined. Any strength or godliness I show is not me – has nothing to do with me. It is the gift of the Holy Spirit working within me to fulfill God’s plan. I am so thankful for this gift, and I am so thankful that God led me to pray these two special prayers for so many years so that now I can experience His hand in it all.

    Are you praying for your future husband? Are you praying for your future wife-self? 

  • We’re Home!

    After seven nights in the hospital, we’re finally at home and so glad to be here! When we drove into the neighborhood everything looked a little different – a little greener, a little taller, and little lusher. I know it’s rained over the past few days since we’ve been gone, but I didn’t expect the grass and bushes and trees to grow more!

    Even our house smelled different, and not just because we left in such a rush that the trash needed to be taken out! John and I both said, “This smells like a new house!”

    It’s amazing at how different things seem after seven days of being gone, and not gone to a better place, but gone to a room that’s the size of some people’s bathroom! I can actually walk more than a few feet at a time now and stretch my legs tonight and take a bath!

    It is so good to be home!

    We have come home with some adjustments which were expected until John gets his new heart. John came home with an IV medication that will help his heart pump a little harder each time. The IV is in the top of his right arm. We have to change the medication every two days, and someone from the home health care agency will come once a week to change the bandages, etc. The medicine and adaptor are in a fanny-pack type bag that John will wear around his waist. He already seems pretty well adjusted to it. After being hooked up to IV medications on a pole that you have to roll around with you, this is a treat for him! The only major inconvenience will hopefully just be wrapping it with saran wrap before taking a shower.

    I am very proud of John. I know how hard it is for people, and especially men, to surrender to things that might make them feel “weak” or “incompetent“. But not John. He’s just so happy that he feels better and is doing better that he’s not embarrassed at all. Tonight we went to dinner, John’s choice of course, Steak Street, to celebrate coming home from the hospital, and he was fine with his new device.

    John plans to go back to work on Monday. This continues to amaze the doctors and even the surgeons we met today. Dr. Rogers told John that most people would be on disability by now.

    I love bragging on my husband because I am so proud of him! He has been so strong and courageous throughout this entire week for me and for all the procedures and tests he’s had to endure. John is a hero! I’m so glad he’s mine!

  • This Week’s Praises and Prayers

    We have so much to praise God for this week!

    Thank you, Lord, for these things:

    1. giving John life for the six years he’s had Cardiomyopathy
    2. the miracle of John’s heart’s ability to compensate unbelievably well for how sick it truly is
    3. helping John to be relentless and strong in his fight against this disease
    4. leading us to Duke to receive excellent healthcare
    5. living in this period in time when there are so many medical advances
    6. leading me to John to be his wife and helper
    7. John’s catheterization and it’s success
    8. sending transplant survivors to us in the hospital to encourage us and give us hope
    9. friends and family who love us so much

    Lord, we pray for these things:

    1. the evaluation to continue to go smoothly and for John to be placed on the transplant list
    2. a healthy, perfect heart for John to become available in your timing
    3. the heart donor, that he is a Christian and will experience eternal life with you, and for his family, that you will begin to give them hope, love, comfort, courage, and strength
    4. John’s heart to sustain him at home with the IV medication until his transplant
    5. peaceful rest and sleep at night for John with minimal symptoms and aches and pain
    6. wisdom and direction for the entire transplant team
    7. for this experience to glorify God and draw us closer to Him
    8. for God to continue to show me how to be the wife he’s called me to be for John and to give me strength
    9. wisdom and direction in all the decisions we will have to make this week and in the next several months

  • Then God Showed Up

    There have been times over the past few months when I felt like I was going to fall on my face, literally, with anxiety, fear, and panic. Last Wednesday when we walked into the hospital was one of those days.

    As we walked into the lobby, with standing room only at the admissions desks, children with cancer in wheelchairs, medical personnel zooming past us, and patients hooked up to IV medication taking their afternoon walk, I felt every muscle in my body tense. I was shaking all over. I was trying to be strong – keeping a serious face, looking ahead, not making eye-contact with anyone – because I knew that one move would send me into a crying convulsion that couldn’t be stopped. My mind began singing to me the “What ifs?”, and the “What if” song is never a good one.

    Then God showed up.

    In His tiniest whisper that He often likes to use, God began to talk to me. Not audibly, of course, but through the Holy Spirit and the encouragement and hope we immediately began to receive.
    Only a few minutes after arriving in John’s hospital room some new members of the transplant evaluation team came in to meet us. We had met Dr. Rogers before, but then we met Dr. Rosenberg, Meaghan, the Physician’s Assistant, and since Duke is a teaching hospital, about three interns. It seemed like each word they spoke allowed another muscle in my body to relax. They spoke about what John’s life would be like after the transplant. It was a life I’ve never experienced with John. It seemed too good to be true. Dr. Rosenberg told John that when he wakes up from his surgery he will not believe how good he feels. He said that because John’s been so sick for so long that he will feel like he’s twenty years old again. The stoic look on my face began to be replaced by a smile – a joyful smile that I almost couldn’t contain. When the doctors left the room I looked at John and just cried. But not because of anxiety, fear, or panic, but because the thought of John being that healthy overwhelmed me.

    Then God showed up. Again.

    The next day John and I were lying on his hospital bed and in walked a man. We just thought he was there to draw blood, take vital signs, or weigh John, which is what people do around there about every hour or so. He introduced himself as James Garrett, and he told us he was a heart transplant survivor. He was a medium sized built man with the biggest smile on his face.

    James Garrett’s heart transplant was three years ago when he was forty years old. He had Cardiomyopathy, and was very sick. He was in the ICU for a little while and went home on a heart pump before he received his transplant. Then, right before eating pizza about two months later, he received the call that they had a heart for him.

    James Garrett could not keep his emotions hidden. He was overjoyed, three years later, for the new opportunity of life he received. Now he volunteers by visiting transplant patients in the hospital and telling them his story. He told John that he will wake up and not be able to believe he’s the same person. He said that after his transplant he immediately wanted to get up and go. He said that he was a completely different person with an appreciation for life that he never had before. James Garrett was so inspirational, and gave us a hope that the doctors could not give us. He told us the practical side of life before, during, and after transplant. He was a survivor, just like John’s going to be a survivor.

    Then God showed up. Again. And again. And again.

    The week has gone just like that. Every time someone walks in the room and leaves we feel God’s presence through their stories, their hope, their encouragement, their wisdom. We are blown away by the opportunity before us.

    So my anxiety has turned into joy – an uncontrollable joy. Don’t get be wrong. I am completely exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I have still had that passing “What if?” thought. But I know that God is going to show up. Through this he has given me glimpses of His hand in all of this, and He’s quietly whispering, “Brenda, I am here, and I’m going to show you. Just hear me.”

    Thank you, Jesus, for showing up again, and again, and again.

    I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left – feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught. John 14:25-27 (The Message)

    When is a time that God showed up for you?

  • 1 Out of 150,000

    We have learned from the doctors at Duke that there are 150,000 people in the U.S. who are sick enough for a heart transplant each year. There are about 5,000 hearts that become available.
    John is one of those 150,000. Because there are so few hearts and so many people who need them, unfortunately doctors have to find reasons why some people receive a heart and some people don’t. This usually comes down to factors such as age, other health problems, and the likelihood that the recipient will use the heart to be a productive citizen.
    So far John is proving to be an ideal candidate. No other health issues, such as damage to his other organs, have been detected through the tests he has gone through. He is young, has a great outlook and attitude, and can tell you exactly what he plans to do with the new heart he gets.
    All of this, however, is an overwhelming blessing from God, and we can’t forget that. John is no different than any other person in being worthy enough for a heart. We have done nothing to deserve this gift. There is nothing we could do. We are too broken and sinful to even attempt to earn this blessing. It is a complete gift of grace. “‘Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?’ For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.” Romans 11:35-36
    Each of those 150,000 people are very special and loved by God just like John is loved. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16My prayer is that we show humility and gratitude for this extra special gift of life on earth that John will receive.

    To learn more about how to become an organ donor, 
    please click below.

  • We’re Off to Duke

    Since the weekend John continued to have rough days and very restless nights. We didn’t go anywhere over the weekend including to church. On Monday and Tuesday he came home utterly exhausted to the point that his lips were blue from walking from his truck into the house. Tuesday night he hardly slept at all. It was the worse I had seen him. He was up several times, couldn’t lay down, had restless leg, and minor aches.

    On Wednesday morning he woke up, but didn’t go to work. This is when I knew that he was getting even worse. To put it in perspective, when we saw John’s new doctor at Duke two and a half weeks ago, he was shocked that John is still working at all. John doesn’t stay out of work unless his very sick.

    That morning I called the transplant department to find out where they were in scheduling the heart evaluation. I had received a phone call the day before that the insurance contract had been worked out, and now it was on to the scheduling phase. However, the transplant department had not received any information on John to schedule him yet. I thought that if they had not even received the information about him yet, then it would probably be into next week before it got scheduled.

    At that point I called the nurse and told him John’s symptoms and that basically we were going to have to come in for the evaluation or we were going to have to come to the hospital. After talking to the doctor, they told us to come on in.

    We got ready immediately early Wednesday afternoon and headed to Duke for John to be admitted into the hospital.

    We have been here ever since.