Tag: chronic illness

As I’ve mentioned before, each day brings new thoughts as I mull-over and contemplate this journey we’re going to begin soon for a new heart for John.

A few days ago, strangely for the first time, it came to me that this new heart is coming from another person. I don’t know why that reality didn’t sink in sooner, but ever since then God has laid this person and their family on my heart, and I think about them several times throughout my days.

It’s a very odd feeling to pray for a heart, a healthy heart, to come soon so that John can be better and live his life to the fullest, knowing that to give a heart is to take one away. How do I reconcile that in my head? How do I thank someone for a gift that is beyond words? How do I show gratitude and humility and complete and utter awe?

I have had to rest on God’s truth in Isaiah 55:8-9, “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

I know that God’s ways are always perfect. I will never understand them until He explains them to me in heaven. For right now, though, I am going to be humbly grateful for this opportunity that John might have for a new heart, and I am going to pray for the family from whom it will be given.

I pray that God begins now to work in their lives to build them up, give them strength, and prepare them for the years ahead. I pray that the person who will donate his heart is a Christian so that he can experience eternal life and God’s love forever. I pray that God wraps His arms around this family and brings them more comfort and love than they ever imagined. I pray that they will know that John and I do not take this lightly and that we are forever grateful to them.

I also pray that when it is over, John and I will never forget the love this family will show us through their donation and that we will never forget from where the Lord has brought us.

Read the whole story of my husband’s heart transplant here.

We are still waiting on Duke to call to schedule John’s evaluation for his heart transplant. It is two to three days of tests and meetings with everyone one from the surgeons who will do the transplant to psychologists to financial planners. It’s going to be long and tough on John. The positive part about it is that he began this process at Emory, so he knows a little of what to expect. We are going to stay at a hotel near the hospital for a few days of the evaluation. It is close enough to drive home each day, but the appointments will be emotionally draining, and the hotel will give us some good, isolated down-time without reminders of what needs to be done at home.

Each day has different challenges. Some are better than others. The doctor told John that he’s impressed that he’s doing as well as he is especially with working all day. I love this about my husband! This is one reason I married him! I never had to worry about whether John would work hard to take care of me. For so many ladies this is a struggle in their marriage, but I have been blessed with a husband with a strong work ethic.

John hasn’t liked me doing the things he typically does – mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. I know it is hard for him to watch me do these things. There are a million thoughts that come into his mind when he’s reminded of his heart. For now, though, that precious heart of his has to sustain him until the transplant. It is working so hard, and he has to let it rest as much as possible.

It’s not easy for me either. My job is very demanding and requires me to bring work home; which, I don’t often even look at even when I do bring it home. Then there’s the added housekeeping responsibilities. And when John’s home all he really wants me to do is sit and hold him. That is my first choice, too! So I do get overwhelmed and tired and stressed. It’s very hard to watch the person I love more than anything on this earth struggling so much. There are times when I just don’t feel like I have anything left to give, and the scary part is that this is just the beginning. Things will get a lot harder until after he is healed from the transplant.

But in the midst of all of this I try to think of Jesus. He is God, and was a servant for many while here on earth (Matthew 20:28, John 13:1-17, Philippians 2:5-11). He never expected anything in return or demanded his rights or asked, “What about me?” He just gave, and gave, and gave, until He ultimately gave His life.

I want to give my life. I want to give my life to John during this season by being his servant. I want to give my life to John by being his servant without asking any questions, without doubting God’s perfect goodness, without demanding my own rights. Those are the natural responses, but through the Holy Spirit within me I do not have to act naturally.

My prayer is that I will glorify God through my service to Him – through this calling. Even though days in the coming months and even years will be harder than they are now, my prayer is that I rely on the Holy Spirit to give me all that I need to be like Christ – a humble servant -who gave the ultimate service by dying for me.

Read the whole story of my husband’s heart transplant here.

When I went back to work on Tuesday of this week I told my students that my husband, John, was sick and that he had a sick heart. I told them that he was going to have to get a new heart soon. I could tell by their faces and in their eyes that they couldn’t quite picture how that works, and I don’t blame them. I don’t want to picture how that works either, but I’m glad it does. I also told them that if they pray at night to please pray for him.

The next day I saw a glimpse of God’s dealings in all of this. One student said to me, “I would give your husband my heart if I could, and then I could go to heaven.” Another student told me, “You know when you asked us to pray for your husband last night? Well, I did.”

It’s hard for adults to come out of themselves to empathize with others many times, but it’s definitely hard for ten year olds. It’s just not in their nature quite yet. However, yesterday I saw God at work in those children after hearing this news.

I told John, “See, a child prayed to God because of you last night. Won’t it be awesome if you see that child in heaven, and he comes up to you and says, ‘I talked to my Father for the first time when you were sick.’”

God works ALL things out for good and for His glory (Romans 8:28). We may have to live in this fallen world, but we have faith that God has already had the final word (Colossians 2:15). As I begin this journey with John I am already seeing God’s work in all of it. This is just one example – a child talked to His Heavenly Father possibly for the first time.

Read the whole story of my husband’s heart transplant here.

Blogs are used for many reasons. This one started after we moved to North Carolina, and I wanted to share pictures of our life to everyone else we know who lives in Georgia. Plus I thought blogs were pretty and fun to design with all the pretty backgrounds!

So far this blog has shown how “perfect” our life is being newly married, with a new home, up here in North Carolina. But to continue to only show that side of our life would be completely denying other people the opportunity to see God at work through our experience with a precious heart – John’s heart.

How It All Started

John’s heart got sick about six years ago through a virus. I wasn’t around then, but I wish I had been. The story has been told to me like this: A virus attacked his body just like viruses attack everyone’s body. The only difference with this virus is that it was persistent. As John’s antibodies began to fight the virus away they got confused and began attacking his heart thinking that is was an enemy. Now the damage is irreversible – well, by medical standards, but of course not by God’s. We pray for a miracle every day if God chooses to give us one. In the meantime we have to live with the heart John has, which for me is precious no matter how sick it is.

Over the past six years John has almost lost the battle with his heart. He began an evaluation for a heart transplant, but started getting better after being admitted into the ICU, so they didn’t continue with putting him on a list. He also had a defibrillator inserted into his chest.

When I Met My Husband

That’s when I came into the picture. When John and I met he was about three years into this sickness and on his second defibrillator. He looked “normal” and acted “normal”. I don’t really remember thinking that anything was different about the things he could or couldn’t do. Now I know that God was protecting me from the truth for that time. I wasn’t mature enough for it yet, and he was going to have to work on me, which he did as I fell in love with John and begin to see my special place in this story.

Life has been just going along like you would typically expect for the past couple of years. Of course we have been conscious of this disease we are living with, but no more than a mere consciousness of it. And then things began to change.

Life Looking Forward to a Heart Transplant

For the past few months John has not felt well, and that has led us to where we are now – facing a heart transplant.

So as I think about what to post in this blog, it seems deceitful to not show what our life is truly like at this time. I know that God is using this season of our lives for a very special purpose. I already see evidence of that. And I guess I feel like I want to capture all the miracles, glory, and goodness that are about to take place in our lives over the next several years. John and I still have hope and faith for a baby someday, and I think about sharing this story with that miracle child. It is also good therapy for me as my mind races constantly of so many things.

So here is the legacy of God’s work in our lives – and one precious heart the day things begin to change.

Read the whole story of my husband’s heart transplant here.