The other day I said to John, “You know, I signed up for Facebook eight years ago and a lot of my friends’ children were preschoolers. Now they’re almost teenagers. How is that possible?” Of course eight years ago I was newly married staring into an unknown future of chronic illness, endless nights at Duke hospital, and a heart transplant. So a lot can happen in eight years. But when it comes to children you expect time to stand still. And it never does. This Mother’s Day I’m giving up on making time stand still.
Tag: Mother’s Day
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A Prayer for the Childless on Mother’s Day
My lifetime has not been childless. I was only without a child for a season, even though I didn’t know at the time that it would only be for a season. So I don’t write this prayer with any sense of truly knowing what’s it’s like to never have a biological or adoptive child. I write this prayer out of my own past memories on Mother’s Day and the feelings I felt. I write this prayer because my heart aches for those of you who do not have children, for whatever reason, and who desperately want them. This is the prayer I’m praying for you.
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When You Have Nothing More to Say about Motherhood
Mother’s Day is tomorrow, and I feel I should write something about motherhood and being a mom because I’m a writer and I have a blog, so isn’t that what I should do? Not to mention I found out just this past Wednesday that I’m having another girl and today we decided on her name.
But to be honest I have nothing more to say about motherhood. Everything has already been said.
Motherhood seems so cliché.
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Now I Get It :: Thoughts on a Second Mother’s Day
I had driven five hours that day to be there with her. John and I had only been home from our 43 day hospital stay for a few days, and I was off to see another part of my heart laying there, sick, dying. This time it was my mom.
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Thoughts on a First Mother’s Day
To the world next year will be my first Mother’s Day.
But there is a four-month-big child inside of me who I will mother for eternity whether our eyes ever meet here or not.
So today is my first Mother’s Day.
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Dear Mom,
I remember Mother’s Day last year like I just sealed your card and dropped it in the mail this morning. I did not get to see you on the actual day, so I enclosed a picture of your gift. You went on and on about how much you loved it.
It is hard for me to accept that I am celebrating this Mother’s Day without you.
I feel like an orphan.
Not a day goes by that scenes from my life with you do not penetrate my mind. They are random and unpredictable. They come at the most unexpecting times with no connection to my present activity or place. They are my mental home movies that I have no control over.
Sometimes they leave me smiling. Sometimes they leave me sad. Sometimes they leave me shameful.
Since you have left this earth I have asked the question,“Is it possible to purely appreciate someone while they are still here?”
I do not know the answer. I know, though, that since the last time I saw you I have grown to appreciate you more than I ever did before. I hate that.
I want you back so that I can appreciate you more.
You taught me that in every life circumstance there is a lesson. This is the lesson you have left me. Most of the time I still do not get it right. I do not know if I ever will until I am glorified with you in Heaven.
But for now I continue striving towards appreciating the people I love, holding on to each moment, and relishing in the time I have with them.
Thank you, Mom, for each of the home movies I still have of you, and for the lessons you have taught me. I wait with eager anticipation to spend an eternity of Mother’s Days with you in Heaven.
I love you,
Brenda
“May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”
Ruth 2:12
