Most of us know the couple names, ‘Brangelina,’ ‘Kimye’, ‘Bennifer’. Without one another they just do not seem complete. The media defines these couples as one being. The Bible defines marriage as coming together as one, however, what happens when the couple’s name becomes the individual’s identity? What happens when the unity runs so deep the individuals believe they really are nothing without the other? It is common for all of us to believe an individual is incomplete without the other half. In the past I have believed lies such as:
I am nothing without a boyfriend or husband.
I will only be happy through marriage.
I will only be complete when I am in a relationship.
You always hear that a baby changes things. Sure she changes your sleeping habits, your social life, and your marriage. However, I never realized how much my daughter would change what I think about, worry about, and become an advocate of. My daughter has changed the way I see the world. She has changed the way I see femininity and womanhood. She’s changed the way I see sexuality. And most importantly she’s changed the way I see God’s view of all of these things.
Driving to the annual family Christmas event (You know the one. The one where you see people you only see once a year.) memories of conversations from last year’s event began replaying in my head.
They started off innocent enough.
“So what are you doing now-a-days?” my distant aunt asked.
I always knew that was just the warm-up question. She has enough couth to know that pretending to know me well enough to ask personal questions would be poor manners. So instead I got a series of prerequisite questions. Then she went in for the kill.
The first time I thought about modesty was a few years ago. The subject took to the blog-world and everyone started debating it. Before that modesty was a non-issue in my life. My style never allowed me to really push the limits with immodest clothes. I’m more of a Banana Republic girl myself – clean, classic, timeless. Modesty is just not one of my struggles, even though I can name a dozen other areas that take its place.
Then I had my baby girl. When you have a baby you begin to think the most bizarre thoughts you never even considered before. Suddenly the gap between “maybe acceptable” and “not-at-all acceptable” tightens. This happened for me when I went to buy her first swimsuit.
I was a terrible person to break-up with when I was single. I had three significant relationships before I got married and in every one of them I did everything short of get on my hands and knees and beg the guy to choose me. Just think of the girl on The Bachelor who doesn’t get the rose, gets into the limo, and then hyperventilates through her tears. Yep, that was me. I was a broken girl. One day I’ll tell you more stories about that girl – stories that will shock you and embarrass me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why I acted the way I did when guys broke up with me. It’s painful to think that I begged guys to choose me. But you know what? I’m still that broken girl.
I wish I could say that I’m free from the bondage of begging to be chosen, but I’m not. On Wednesdays I go to Bible Study Fellowship (which I highly recommend to you). There are a group of “cool moms” there. They’re young, in their late twenties/early thirties, they wear leggings and scarves and knee-high boots, and they all sit together. I smile at them and they half smile back probably wondering why I have a big cheesy smile on my face. I so want to be a part of their group. But at 37 I’m just not. It doesn’t matter that I have a 15-month-old too. I sit there with a jealous knot in my stomach hoping one day they’ll choose me.
Then there’s the online crowd. Out here in blog world there is an in-crowd just like in “real life”. The Christian women bloggers who chat over Twitter. I’ll send a tweet to one of these ladies then check my phone every two minutes to see if they tweeted me back. But nothing. My heart sinks.
My desire to be chosen also sits closer to home. My mom passed away three years ago. Since that time I no longer have a mom-figure in my life – no one who is in my corner always. I hear these stories of older women going up to younger women and saying things like, “God just told me that I was supposed to be your mentor.” I wish an older women would choose me.
The stories don’t end there. For most of my life I’ve just wanted to be chosen.
Today is Valentine’s Day, and you may feel the same way. More than anything you just want to be chosen by someone. You want someone to reach out his hand to tell you you’re accepted and loved and special.
I know that feeling, and I also know the thoughts that accompany it. “What’s wrong with me?”, “I’ll never find anybody!”, “Nobody will ever just like me for me.”, “I’m going to be single for the rest of my life!”, “Maybe I’m too . . . (you fill in the blank).”
Sometimes I struggle with writing truth to you because I hate pat answers, and I don’t want to give you a roll-your-eyes, “that’s what everyone says” answer too. But in this case there’s only one way to say it.
Those thoughts you’re having about why you’re not chosen? They’re straight out lies from the enemy. Bold-faced lies to destroy you.
And it’s time to bind them up and throw them out.
If you have to sit and read these verses over and over to yourself tonight or this weekend or any day after this, then I want you do it. Let God’s Word sink in and transform your mind.
Because you are chosen. Chosen by almighty God himself. If you were the only person on earth, He still would have come to earth to die on the cross. For you. Just for you. He loves you that much.
Whether single or married or somewhere in between, there will always be times when we are not chosen by this world and the people in it. But if we remember God’s truth, then we will not make decisions out of the feelings those times bring. Instead we’ll stand up and say, “I’m not chosen by this world, but I’m chosen by God, and God is where my home lies.”
Bible verses so you know you’re chosen:
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love” Ephesians 1:3-4
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.” John 15:16
“For you are a people holy to the Lord your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.” Deuteronomy 14:2
This website uses cookies for tracking purposes. If you continue to use this site we assume you're happy with it.
