I’m so happy to introduce you to Leigh Kramer! Leigh says:
I’m not going to wait for someone or something to validate my life. I believe if God could best accomplish his will for me through a spouse, I’d have a husband already. Since I don’t, I’m making the most of whatever opportunities come my way.
I was listening to The Art of Simple podcast, and Tsh Oxenreider was interviewing Leigh Kramer. I thought Leigh would be perfect for this interview series, so I reached out to her. Leigh is 34 years old. She is an author and creator of The Enneagram Coach. The Enneagram Coach helps people figure out their Enneagram type and apply its truths to their life. Let’s read more about Leigh!
Brenda: First, tell us a little about yourself – your name, age, where you live, and where you grew up.
Leigh: Leigh Kramer, 34, Nashville, TN, Wheaton, IL
Brenda: Where do you work, and how did you get started in your job?
Leigh: I’m in a season of transition career-wise. My background is in medical social work but I quit my last social work job 3 years ago. I was burned out and wanted to focus on my writing so I became a nanny for a wonderful family. In that time, I wrote a novel, started a book proposal for a non-fiction project, and retired from social work. I also launched The Enneagram Coach to help people figure out their Enneagram type and apply its truths to their life. The Enneagram has been such a source of healing and freedom in my life and I love walking alongside people as they discover the same. My nanny job ended right before Labor Day so I’m figuring out what’s next, in addition to The Enneagram Coach.
Brenda: When you envisioned your life as a young girl, did you hope to have a career when you grew up or was your desire more for marriage and children or did you want both for your life?
Leigh: I figured I’d grow up, get married, and have a family. I thought I’d probably work for a couple of years after college and then focus on raising my children. My childhood self would probably be shocked it didn’t work out that way!
Brenda: What fires you up? What are you most passionate about in your life and in the world?
Leigh: I’m passionate about people who are or have been marginalized, especially singles in the church but also the homeless community and those affected by systemic racism.
Brenda: Tell us one thing you LOVE about being single and one thing you hate (or your biggest struggle) about being single.
Leigh: I love being able to do what I want, whether it’s making weeknight plans or traveling or figuring out my budget. I don’t have to run anything past anyone else before doing it.
The hardest part of being single is the flip side: not sharing my life with someone, not sharing responsibilities. No one has a vested interest in the outcome of my life. Plus, sexual frustration is a real thing.
Brenda: I imagine there are times when you feel content in your singleness and other times when you want to throw something across the room because of it, but overall, how do you feel about being a single woman? Is there more contentment and peace or more of the opposite?
Leigh: While I never could have imagined being a single woman, I have learned so much about myself, who I am, what I like, what I believe. I wouldn’t trade this time for anything. I’m a stronger, more confident, more healthy woman. There are hard days, of course, but most of the time, I really like my life.
Brenda: Do you ever get mad at God because you are single? When bitterness, discontentment, confusion, and even jealousy creep into your mind, how to you deal with it? Do you have a go-to person or scripture verse or something else that helps?
Leigh: Absolutely! We have had many frank talks over the years about singleness and sexual frustration and why I’m not married yet. I don’t hold back. But what I keep circling around to is there’s no rhyme or reason why some people are married and some aren’t. I know AMAZING single men and women and I know married people who are train wrecks. Marriage isn’t the ultimate stamp of approval but it can be hard to remember that when so much of society and most churches appear to believe it.
When I start feeling a lack of contentment or jealousy, I try to sit with the feeling and consider why I’m feeling that way. Was it something I saw on social media? Was it a careless comment from a friend? Was it the aftermath of a lackluster date? Whatever is at the root usually informs how I deal with it, whether it’s backing off of social media for a few days, telling trusted loved ones how I’m feeling, or employing some self-care techniques.
Brenda: What is your biggest pet peeve about the way single women are perceived?
Leigh: That we’re somehow dangerous.
Brenda: Do you struggle with finding community in your local church? How do you find community in a world that seems coupled up?
Leigh: This isn’t a big issue in my current church, but I previously attended nondenominational churches and they never quite knew what to do with us singles, especially as I got into my late 20s. I am grateful for my friends who are single and my friends who are married and wish marital status wasn’t such a big deal in evangelical churches. We have so much to learn from one another!
Brenda: Are more of your girlfriends married or single? How do you find authentic friendships as a single woman?
Leigh: At this point, I have more married friends than single ones, but I am intentional about having single friends because we all need the solidarity. I’ve never had trouble finding authentic friendships but the older I get, the harder it is to make plans because we’re juggling more responsibilities and then if there’s a spouse or kids in the mix, it gets complicated. We can go months before the next get together and that can be frustrating but it seems to be part of life.
Brenda: Our perception of you is that you are living a fulfilled, purposeful life as a single woman. You’re not waiting around for marriage, but fulfilling God’s call on your life now. What would you say is your secret to doing this?
Leigh: I don’t know if it’s a secret. I take life as it comes and there’s so much I want to do and see and explore. I’m open to adventure and I’m open to the seemingly quiet nature of the day-to-day routine. I don’t want to have any regrets. I’m not going to wait for someone or something to validate my life. I believe if God could best accomplish his will for me through a spouse, I’d have a husband already. Since I don’t, I’m making the most of whatever opportunities come my way.
Brenda: What words of advice do you have for other single women who want to live with purpose now and not wait for marriage to start their lives?
Leigh: Seize the day! Consider your interests, passions, and talents and then do what you can to live those things out. We can’t wait for permission to be the women we were created to be. It starts one moment or decision at a time. If you’re not sure where to start, do the next best thing and the next best thing after that.
Brenda: And some fun stuff!
Brenda: Which do you like best – Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or Pinterest (or all of it!)?
Brenda: What’s your favorite drink?
Leigh: Irish Breakfast Tea or Gin & Tonic
Brenda: Where would you want to live the rest of your life – beach or mountains? A beach next to a mountain.
Leigh: Best of both worlds!
Brenda: Do you read more fiction or nonfiction?
Leigh: I’m a voracious reader and probably read more fiction.
Brenda: Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Brenda: What’s something quirky about you?
Leigh: My left thumb is double jointed.
Brenda: What else do we need to know about you? Where can we connect with you online?
Connect with Leigh here: